Is this it?

[nicesinging1]

When I lived my life, I felt there is a limit on how much pains/sufferings a person can endure before he reaches boiling point. Right now, I am at a stage I have never been before. The pain is so powerful that I am forced to feel suicidal.
I am just plain tired. It never worked out. It seems unwinnable battle after 10 yrs. The words can barely describe sufferings.
Is this it?

 

[Robin]

I've never been able to work out what's worse, the cruelty we are able to subject onto others or the cruelty we inflict upon ourselves, at some point one has to admit that enough is enough but when it is ourselves at blame we choose to continue, where even the most hardened hearted can find compassion for others they fail to find it within themselves.

You do not have a granite stone heart Nicesinging1 but it does seem like you have exempt yourself from the compassion you are capable of feeling. You like so many others, have so much to offer, even if it is to yourself sometimes, it's not selfish to look after oneself but merely a stepping stone to looking after others.

 

[itmahanh]

That sense of total exhaustion is horrible. It seems to rule your very world, your life. But you have to try and find the means to do something for yourself. give yourself some much needed "me" time. Lean on the members here nice, let them help you through this time when you can't help yourself any longer.

 

[Dave_N]

Hey Hank. You're a really nice guy, and I would hate to see you go. God gives us challenges in our lives so that we can get stronger and grow from our experiences. If we didn't have challenges, then we would not learn from our experiences and life would be boring. Try to look at the challenges as positive things. Remember, Jesus faced many challenges too, and he dealt with them until the very end.

 

[nicesinging1]

I hate to say this as a Christian but I have been losing faith in God. For the last 10 yrs, I kept fighting, fighting, fighting and getting back up again and again because I believed I would be free of these mental tortures someday. After 10 yrs, I am still struggling.
When things are hard, I tried to remind myself, "God never gives you anything you can't handle." Now, I don't even know what to believe anymore.
Recently I thought about what I have gone through for the last 10 yrs. And I imagined myself going through the same hell for another 10, 20 years. I can't live such life. It depresses me so much I would rather die and save myself from future tortures.
Is this truly it?

 

[nicesinging1]

Maybe I am meant to suffer and wash away from this world. I just don't see how anyone goes through these kinds of tortures/sufferings just to live life. Maybe this is indeed unwinnable battle. Keep fighting it will only generate more sufferings/tortures.
It is almost like a curse. This kind of life doesn't deserve to exist.

 

[Dave_N]

Maybe we're meant to suffer like how Jesus suffered, just not to that extent?