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Is this really bullying?

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axandr

Active Member
#1
A couple years ago i changed friends to a new ones that i met that year and i stoped my good relationship with my old friends that i knew since i was a child. My old friends were still in the same highschool as me but i started ignoring them because i felt uncomfortable being around them at that time. I think that's because they met new friends that i couldn't relate to. Nowadays i'm still in highschool and nothing has changed but i'm starting to talk with them again.
The thing is that my new "friends" treat me bad. Not all but some. One of them is a girl that sometimes treat me well like we are friends but when she's "nice" is so possessive with me. She orders me to do things and if i don't do what this girl says, she will hit me or pinch me hard. It's worse when she's angry (often). She has hit me on the legs and has hurt me with her foot and also brokes my school objects. If this things happen she will be nice again the next day or even the next hour.
Now i have another person that i used to think that was a good person but no. This person make comments about me insulting me and she makes fun of all i say and do. She said that if she could she would hit me. But always has a cynical smile when is around me.
Another person sometimes makes fun of me but it's ok, not that bad.
Now i always regret the time i chose to change my friends. I can't escape but if i do i will be alone, i lost all my friends, i'm not comfortable around anyone now. And i'm afraid of someone hurting me really bad.
Sorry for the long post, but i need some advice. Thanks.
 
#2
Sorry to hear that you are going through this Axandr

Yes, I think you could call this bullying. In particular, it's an abusive relationship. It's a common pattern in abusive relationships that someone is sometimes nice or ok, and other times abuses you.

What was it that you didn't like about your old friends?
 

Freya

Loves SF
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#3
I think that if someone always insults you and makes fun of you, irrespective of whether it is bullying (which in that case I would agree it is) you need that person out of your life pronto. You found new friends once, you can certainly do it again - and you are building bridges with your old friends which is a good thing.

The girl that is possessive of you and orders you to do things doesn't really sound like bullying but it does sound toxic and unhealthy and, again, something that you need out of your life. Obviously if she is "fine" the next day etc. then she doesn't see anything wrong with behaving like that. Clearly she has her own issues but you should try to make sure that her issues do not become your issues. What it boils down to is that you don't have to put a label on it or decide if it is or is not bullying - it makes you feel bad and that is a good enough reason to choose to walk away from it. Don't keep people in your life that treat you badly - you deserve better than that.
 

Aprilflowers7

Well-Known Member
#4
What about shy people? They don't hurt you but then they don't seem to care what happens to you and then your family constantly asks you "Why don't you have more friends? Why aren't you popular?" and things like that that are hurtful. So I don't understand what's worse, people who are being shy and liking me and not talking to me, or someone hating me for no reason at all.
 

axandr

Active Member
#5
Sorry to hear that you are going through this Axandr

Yes, I think you could call this bullying. In particular, it's an abusive relationship. It's a common pattern in abusive relationships that someone is sometimes nice or ok, and other times abuses you.

What was it that you didn't like about your old friends?
First of all thanks for answering. And for your question, i think i felt like i didn't belong and it's a fact because they started doing things without me (some of them) and till these days i don't feel comfortable at all with their "new" friends. I also had one problem that made me see them as bad friends, only one was by my side when that happened. But i'm trying again to improve my relationship with them and if i do that i think it will be easier for me to get rid of my present "friends" that make me feel bad.
 

Aprilflowers7

Well-Known Member
#6
Most of my friends are bad all right, like all they do is add me on facebook but they don't ask me to go anywhere or ask for my phone number. At least the ones in my area could ask me to do something with them, but they never do.
 

axandr

Active Member
#7
I think that if someone always insults you and makes fun of you, irrespective of whether it is bullying (which in that case I would agree it is) you need that person out of your life pronto. You found new friends once, you can certainly do it again - and you are building bridges with your old friends which is a good thing.

The girl that is possessive of you and orders you to do things doesn't really sound like bullying but it does sound toxic and unhealthy and, again, something that you need out of your life. Obviously if she is "fine" the next day etc. then she doesn't see anything wrong with behaving like that. Clearly she has her own issues but you should try to make sure that her issues do not become your issues. What it boils down to is that you don't have to put a label on it or decide if it is or is not bullying - it makes you feel bad and that is a good enough reason to choose to walk away from it. Don't keep people in your life that treat you badly - you deserve better than that.
Thank you for answering. Yes i know i need to get these persons out of my life, but it was hard because i didn't have where to go at that moment and i felt sorry for ignoring my old friends. But now i'm trying to improve my past relationships and i hope it will be easier to me to get rid of these toxic persons. One of my old friends was in my classroom but when i changed classmates i was alone, no one to talk with, except for this possessive girl that i knew before. So i had to make friends and i started with her and she was friends of the others,etc. I started to grow m relationship with them and ignoring my old ones. But what hurts me the most is that my old friends didn't care, they were fine with that.
 

axandr

Active Member
#8
Most of my friends are bad all right, like all they do is add me on facebook but they don't ask me to go anywhere or ask for my phone number. At least the ones in my area could ask me to do something with them, but they never do.
But they are being shy with you or they are like that?
 

Aprilflowers7

Well-Known Member
#9
Some of them are shy. Some of them are just like that. I mean I thought of asking some people to go somewhere with me but I thought they would make fun of me because I've had surgery. I've been to sleepovers as a child and such but the person would only ask me over one or two times and that was it and at the time in 7th grade I had a dog who was constantly trying to get lose or bite me so I didn't even bother asking anyone over. Now I am older and I try to ask people but they always say no. I mean 7th grade and 5th grade was pretty much the only grade that anyone would ever ask me to do anything with them.
 

axandr

Active Member
#10
Some of them are shy. Some of them are just like that. I mean I thought of asking some people to go somewhere with me but I thought they would make fun of me because I've had surgery. I've been to sleepovers as a child and such but the person would only ask me over one or two times and that was it and at the time in 7th grade I had a dog who was constantly trying to get lose or bite me so I didn't even bother asking anyone over. Now I am older and I try to ask people but they always say no. I mean 7th grade and 5th grade was pretty much the only grade that anyone would ever ask me to do anything with them.
I don't know how to help you but you should know that it's not your fault at all. And if you need advice please post in the forum, here are people that can give good perspectives on a problem when you don't know what to do.
 

Aprilflowers7

Well-Known Member
#11
Thank you, axandr! I have pretty much given up talking to people in real life. Now I usually just add other writers on facebook who only give me writing advice but they don't want to do anything with me, either. I am a writer, you see.
 
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