Don't get me wrong, I know this thing is killing me. I started off fine, nothing was really going wrong and I was convinced that all the symptoms that were associated with starving myself, I was invincible too. Then things started getting scary. Being dizzy all the time, blacking out, shaking, and I'm cold all the time. My hair is getting more and more brittle (good thing I keep it short), my nails have changed color from pink to more purple, so i always wear nail polish so no one notices. The scariest out of everything is my chest. My heart is down to about 45-55 beats per minute, and at least a few times a day my chest/heart hurts and makes it hard to breathe. But even with all that, I still don't feel like I'm sick enough. I mean, I'm within 3 pounds of being underweight (I'm not exactly sure, my boyfriend made me promise to not weigh myself except once a month). But I still feel handfuls of fat on my legs. I've dropped from a size 4 to a size 0, and XS clothes fell off my hips when I went shopping last week. I can't see a difference. I don't think I'm skinny enough to have an eating disorder or for it to be a problem because I'm not underweight. I don't eat over 300 a day, but if I'm forced to then I work it all off so I'm in the negatives. But I'm still not underweight and I don't think it's valid enough to get help. And I hate myself for having this internalized fat-phobia that's inherent with this sort of thinking.