I have been losing family members left and right or so it seems. I lost two grandpa's to illness. One smoked himself to death. The other drank himself to death. My grandma is dying from the same smoking illness that I lost my grandpa to. Ironically her husband was the one that drank. I constantly watch the ones I care about kill themselves with food, drugs, and alcohol. You know what the worst part is? I was the blackest sheep of the family. I did everything they do for the same reasons. They watched me transform into who I am today. I shared how I am able to be this way. They still don't care. It hurts, but what can I do?? I just love them and watch them destroy themselves. I can only pray, and be there for them when and if they need me. Thanks for reading.