It's Back Again; But Worse...

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by xZombiexAngelx, Oct 20, 2014.

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  1. xZombiexAngelx

    xZombiexAngelx Well-Known Member

    My depression has decided to rear it's ugly head once more. I haven't been on these forums since sometime in 2011... I thought I was okay. But I'm not, I'm so far from okay, and nobody seems to understand or care. In the last couple of months, I joined 3-4 self-harm and depression groups on Facebook, reaching out to others who could maybe understand. But I find little help there.

    This year has been tough. I always find something wrong with myself, I always say I'm sick or I have a pain in (insert place here). I've been to the doctors more times this year than any year before. I've had all kinds of tests done... blood work, echo, cat scan... everything they could do with my limited health insurance. And they find nothing wrong with me. But when I lay down to sleep, I suddenly starting getting this odd "pains" in my right side, or I'll start thinking that I'm suddenly bleeding internally. And then that depression sets in, and I feel like giving up entirely. Not to mention, it brings on a major anxiety attack because I think I'm dying or something.

    I have no one to talk to, no one to turn to at all. My dad hates me at this point... he has to take me to the doctors and support me. I can't work because my depression and anxiety are so debilitating. I stay home in my room all of the time, I spend most of my time on my Wii U or on the internet talking to long distance friends that I'll never meet. My mom wanted to be a supportive figure for me, but she lives several states away and I can't call her due to not having a phone.

    I juts want someone to talk to... I have no support in my life. I see a psychiatrist, but he doesn't help! And he's the only one available where I live. I tell him "Oh, I'm having heart palpitations." "Oh, my depression is severe." His response is always "Oh, it's fine, you'll be fine. We'll keep you on the same medicine, okay?" and then the visit ends. No one listens to me, I'm an adult, and I feel like I'm a 10 year old kid again, having no one listen to a single word I say...
     
  2. Viktor

    Viktor Well-Known Member

    Hi. I am on the very same boat as you are. I am having strong depression every day, because of the loneliness that lasts way too long for me now. I have nobody to talk to as well. Can't talk to my family, because they don't understand me and they are not even trying to. Just like you, i'm spending most of the time on internet and talking to people which i will never meet. I see you live in US? You guys have it much better. I am living in Czech republic. Very small state. I was trying to search for some supportive czech sites where i could meet some people with same problems, but i can't find any. But there are many US or UK sites like this one. But i want to meet people in my country. And while talking to people online is still better than nothing, it simply doesn't have strong effect on me. It's simply not enough. I need someone with me. Someone who could understand me. But there is no one here. Like you, i can't work, because i have no strength due to the depression. I was visiting doctor and therapists too and nothing helped. In my case, i basically miss love. That is something that would heal me, but since i am still depressed, no woman will be ever interested in me and that makes me sad even more. So i'm trapped in circle from which i cannot get out. I feel totally lost and doomed.

    Maybe we could meet each other, but again, you are in US and i'm in Czech. Quite impossible i think :(
     
  3. xZombiexAngelx

    xZombiexAngelx Well-Known Member

    I miss love also. I don't have any in my life. Not from my parents, siblings, extended family, even friends. I also know that with my problems, no one will ever love me. Everybody thinks I'm a freak. They think I use my mental illnesses as an excuse. I used to roleplay (creating a character and writing stories with other people), and one time, these people made this group called "Zodiac" and they posted personal information about me for everybody on the site we use to see... they took me in a chat room full of people I thought were my friends, and they attacked me. They told me to kill myself. I really wanted to, and I still do. No one has noticed I'm severely depressed again... I'm afraid to tell my dad, he'll probably try to admit me to the psych ward.

    Anyway... you could try joining some of the self-harm/depression groups on Facebook. Sometimes they're pretty helpful. And there's people from all over the world on there. Also, we could be friends, if you want! I think my skype is listed on my profile. And also my AIM. Feel free to reach out to me if you need someone to talk to.
     
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