It's been a long time since I felt this way...but HELP!?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by JBGlasgow, Feb 7, 2012.

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  1. JBGlasgow

    JBGlasgow New Member

    I've had depression for most of my adult life, then I was diagnosed as bipolar after many years.
    Even though my personal life has been in turmoil for several years (bad divorce, having to move home several times etc) I was
    just about on an even keel for the past year or two.

    I met someone early last year and we got engaged just before Christmas. He knows all about my previous history, and knows
    that I rely on a daily cocktail of meds to keep my mood on a manageable level. But this weekend...it feels like everything that
    COULD go wrong, HAS gone wrong and I'm feeling more desperate than I have for a very long time.

    We both went to stay at my daughters for the weekend and ended up staying for an extra couple of nights. I had only taken
    enough of my meds to cover our planned stay there (stupid I know) so when I realised we were going to be staying longer,
    I split my meds up to cover the extra couple of days. It didn't take long before I felt unreasonably angry and tearful, but I
    just about managed to keep a lid on it whilst we were there. To compound the horrible situation, my fiance and I were waiting
    to hear if we'd been successful in getting a lease on our first place together.

    When we got back to my place yesterday, I was feeling emotionally drained and physically sick because of the drastic reduction in
    my meds. But there was a message on my machine saying that we HAD got the lease approved. That gave me a boost and I
    went to bed feeling not too bad.

    When I woke up this morning, I knew I was in trouble. But instead of saying anything to my fiance, I bottled it up and hoped for
    the best. We ended up having the mother of all arguments, like nothing that's ever happened before, and even though I knew
    I was being totally unreasonable and out of control, I was downright nasty and told him that I wasn't moving anywhere with him.
    He usually leaves my place for a couple of days, between Tuesday and Thursday, so he left as usual but he wouldn't even look
    at me, far less talk to me.

    I text him a short while later and apologised completely for being such a b*tch but he said he couldn't believe I could be so nasty.
    Now he says he's not moving anywhere and he's had enough of my moods. He's the type of person who has to be left alone
    for a while when he's angry, whereas my natural reaction to arguments is to try and put things right. But I've managed
    to resist bombarding him with text messages and phone calls.

    As the day's gone on, I've been physically sick and been having all sorts of horrible thoughts. I know this probably seems extreme
    after the scenario I've just outlined, but I think the whole moving house/visiting my daughter/reduced meds situation
    has played a huge part in this and now I don't know where to turn.

    Part of me's trying to calm down and think positively, how he'll calm down and everything'll be fine in a couple of days when he's
    calmed down some and we've had a chance to talk things through. The other part of me can't begin to cope with feeling this way
    any longer...in the past it's often been the case that emotional upset can send me spiralling into a deep dark depression.
    Because it's been so long, it's really scaring me...part of me had almost forgotten how these mood swings can catch me unawares.

    Someone...help me...say something, anything to stop these thoughts running round my head. I took my usual dosage of meds
    this morning, so that side of things should hopefully have calmed down again in a few days.

    I'm desperate, and feel pathetic because it's over something that seems so pathetic when I read this back.

    J
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun when things calm down talk to him okay explain to him you were off your meds and that is why you became so unstable IF he loves you he will understand and be supportive hun explain to him this happens only when medicaiton has not be taken and you will not allow that to happen again. I do hope you can text him if he does not contact you and ask him if he could come and talk to you quietly okay I do hope things work out well h un let us know okay
     
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...for me, when things appear like they are going to work, I have to be wary to not put my proverbial foot in my mouth and screw up things...but we are all human, and it is bound to happen every now and then...maybe next time, before it spirals to that point, share with him what you are going through so he is not blindsighted like that...and please let us know how it turns out...it is so difficult to have unrest like that, and like yourself, I want closure very quickly...give him some space, and I hope he sees how fortunate he is to be with you, moods and all...Welcome again
     
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