It's been a year since my best friend committed suicide.

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by KyleaRose, Jun 2, 2014.

  1. KyleaRose

    KyleaRose New Member

    It's almost been a year since my best friend committed suicide and I still feel guilty about it. I know it's probably normal to feel like it's your fault for someone ending their life but I for some reason can't get over the feeling. The guilt never goes away. I saw him the day before he did it and he seemed the same as always. There was no signs of what he was about to do. I still see him every time I close my eyes and it's such a hopeless feeling know I couldn't and didn't help him and yet I still so badly wish I could. I don't know if this feeling is ever going to go away but a after a year of immense guilt I'm having a hard time believing him being gone isn't somehow my fault.
  2. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Welcome to SF Kylie

    Similar to you a past gf comitted suicide - I found her dead beside me when I woke in the morning - Like with your friend she presented no signs anything was wrong the night before

    She left a suicide note saying sorry she was leaving me in this way but she felt safe dying in my arms

    Again like you Kylie I see Abigail & dream about her often and my current gf Claire I wont sleep until she is asleep and I wake regularly throughout the night to check she is still breathing to the point she has to comfort me in the morning

    You really need to move on & stop blaming yourself Kylie; I can talk I know as I have not moved on yet either

    tc Kylie


  3. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    The truth is in these situations, that no one is ultimately responsible for a decision that someone else decides to take. There would have been alternatives for them, had they wished to search them out and, well, just ask. Once a person arrives at the decision to off by their own hand, it cannot be the responsibility of anyone else to read their mind, or to take the blame afterwards for not having read their mind, because the reality of being people is that minds are watertight and impervious to any outside influence they don't want to give admittance to.

    How you can comfort yourselves in this situation is with your own self-talk - "It was not my will in the matter that you did that - I am sorry that you chose to, and to value your memory I know you would not want the rest of my life to be ruined because of the course you chose to take"....... please try to heal your distraught feelings and memories by learning how to objectify it so you don't have to carry the burden of their decision like a martyr, because it really cannot help anyone's situation, least of all yours, if you do. You know that you loved them, and if they had let on and opened up, you would have done everything possible to help them - you know that, so your conscience is, objectively, clear. I do hope that you're able to see this, and that you don't have to betray your sense of guilt, but use it as a path to your own healing :)
  4. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Thanks for your kind words urPrecious (you surely are!! - precious that is)

    As with Kylea I can't move on & the only way this torment will end is on my death, but the trouble with that is Claire will be left which I would hate to put her through, as I was when Abigail committed suicide & that would be a never ending spiral or Groundhog Day