N
I guess i'm just feeling frustrated about my family again. I have noted in another thread i think i have social anxiety and as such i dont want to go out anywhere or see anyone apart from my mum and grandparents. I havent told my family how going out makes me feel because i just get the pull myself back togehter treatment. Easy to say not easy to do. Also i like writing poetry and songs and i've recently got a poem published in a book. Sure my family were delighted when i told them but they've never supported my dreams for as long as i can remember. I love singing and have been in various choirs over the years and i have been told by my friends and one of my cousins that my voice is quite good. I quit college last year after a few days and my family think i never gave it a chance. But i already knew like school i'd fuck it up somehow or soemthing would happen. My cousin Helena passed college and is now off to uni and my other cousin Greg is a whizz kid with computers and electronics. Then u have me the poet. My point is my family think tht i should go back to college and get an education but i dont want, the thought of talking face to face with ppl is terrifying. I get no sympathy out of my mother and she knows i have a tendancy to panic. If i start to panic i say mum im panicking she says well don't why?. i cant control it it's automatic now. I wrote a poem about my grandmas budgie the other day and i used metaphors the lot. I read it to her i got thats nice in a monotonous voice. Im sick of being the one who feels like a loser, sick of my cousins telling me how to live. Sure i havent got a job but i cant bear the idea of it at the moment. I feel like i'm meant to just give in and please my family cause i know they're screams would be louder if i came home with a degree rather than my poem in a book. :sad: :sad: