it's like i'm just killing time

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by thepainwithin, Dec 21, 2012.

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  1. thepainwithin

    thepainwithin Well-Known Member

    every day is a battle with anxiety. why am i the one that has to keep the friendship alive? i never do anything. i had so many people say "you coming home for break, we should do something" then they never wanna do anything. my friend said he'd call me at 8... 1.5 hours later still nothing. i'm sure he's out with my others friends, and they don't want to hangout with me. home sucks. being home really sucks, it hurts. i feel so pathetic. i have one friend at school. in 5 years of college i've made 2 friends. 1 at both schools. i wish i had a girlfriend but i dont know how to talk to girls. i feel like a loser for trying online dating, but even that never works. this girl added me on facebook after talking on a website, but i'm not even on her chat list so what's the point of that.... i'm pathetic. but i can't quit. i never sleep, i have anxiety 24/7. i always feel bad about my past. i just want to scream i'm sorry at people, but it doesn't matter, the damage is done. ostracized from an entire community because i couldn't control my anger.

    every day it feels like i'm in prison. i might as well be. i play 1 video game online and spend the rest of my time scrolling up and down on facebook, feigning a social life, hoping one day someone from my past will want to reconnect. it sucks. i hate this fake existence. i'm ready for something real. it's been over 2 years since i've even kissed a girl, let alone had sex. it just seems like there's no hope. there no sense in dwelling in that past, so i bury it, and act like i'm happy, but i'm not. it's killing me.
     
  2. katrina77

    katrina77 Guest

    Are you doing anything to help quell the anxiety? Whether it's seeing a therapist, meds, or natural methods, I would think that would help you feel better.

    I'm no sure what happened in your past that caused some problems for you at home. If you have made amends for whatever happened, you have done all you can. If others don't chose to let it go, then maybe it's best for you to move on from them.

    I think it is getting harder and harder to meet people. There is nothing wrong with trying to meet people on line. If you haven't had success with that in the past, why not keep trying.

    Are there any clubs at school for things that you are interested in? Drama, photography, etc. (depending on what your interests are). It's sometimes easier to talk with people who share common interests. If not, how about voluntering? Either at school, or in the community. It's a good way to meet people, and can build self esteem at the same time.
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Get off line h un and get outside join a group that you re interested in meet new people hun I hope you stop isolating hun if your friends don't call then you go out and make new friends hugs
     
  4. thepainwithin

    thepainwithin Well-Known Member

    i cant take anymore, it's a losing battle. there's no point
     
  5. thepainwithin

    thepainwithin Well-Known Member

    god and now i feel bad because my sisters having a party and i invited some people, and no one responded so i went to my lake with my dad. then 2 hours before, people text and say "when are people coming over". and it's like, why do i feel bad? why SHOULD i feel bad? no one ever has time for me... you say you'll call me at 8 pm, then 24 hours later, an hour before the party, you text me and say "sorry fell asleep last night". they're always too tired, or too busy, or "not doing anything tonight", then i see the pictures of the party you went to last night on facebook in the morning... thanks. or you just don't respond. i sit in my room all day, texting everyone i know to do anything, and no one wants to hangout unless there's alcohol and a place to party.

    shitty existence

    i'm not antisocial, people are anti me
     
  6. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I have never found friends in the partying crowd. They themselves don't have friends, just other people who party. Try to find people who have the same interests as you, a club is a good start.

    I hope you feel better soon. :hugs:
     
  7. StevenSiew

    StevenSiew Well-Known Member

    You are right that people are anti-you because basically like you , no one has me on their number one list.

    They will call you when they absolutely has no choice in the matter.
     
  8. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    we love you here!
     
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