It's not important, right?

[5150incalif]

I've been severely depressed and until recently I didn't tell anyone how I feel. My longtime therapist was disappointed with me after finding out what I've done. As for me, I just never thought it was important. So, I'm depressed? My doctor already knew my compulsive behavior. I had kept my suicidal actions to myself. I don't know what lead to her asking me, but I was surprised by her reaction. Anyway, I still don't know what this will do to my therapy, but my doctor is more direct with questioning.

As for me, I don't understand why my doctor would be reacting to this. Isn't psychaitrists trained to not react to talks about suicide? I did talk about this awhile ago. Ok, I'm suicidal and I don't feel it would make a difference to talk about it. So I don't like my life. If I wanted to be saved, I guess talking about it would be the right thing to do. I'm not ashamed to admit that I have specific plans to kill myself. Therapy is just keeping the hurt and pain down, but it doesn't make my physical issues to go away. There is only one way to deal with that.

 

[Blackness]

talking can help, maybe help you come to terms with who you are, show you there's more to life.

 

[Luliby]

Actually, psychiatrists are trained in prescriptions. You won't often find a psychiatrist who also has the sense of a psychologist (therapist). So, if your psychiatrist went a bit nuts it's because they are the ones prescribing you meds and they have the most to loose professionally if you suicide. Some people become more suicidal on certain meds and the psychiastrist needs to closely monitor your moods and urges in order to get you the right dose and med. And yes, they should take your depression and suicidal urges very seriously.

Your psychologist (therapist) whom you've said you've seen for a long period of time could probably judge your depression and guessed you were suicidal. The therapist tries to help you see your depression, the distorted thoughts, and tries to give you the rational explanations that so often, when depressed, we can't generate on our own. Basically, a therapist helps you think and see things differently than from just the depressed point of view.

The psychiatrist and psychologist are tools. To get the most out of your treatment you need to be fully and completely honest with them about your state of mind. Do not be concerned with "how they feel" when you tell them the truth or "how they might handle" what you said. Your feelings of empathy toward them denote your kind heart but it will get in the way of your therapy if you let it. They are trained professionals. This is your therapy and they are there for you.

It's not uncommon that therpay "keeps the hurt down" but your life may still seem so out of control at times. Like a roller coaster. Therapy just helps you get your bearings before it takes off again. The ride isn't fun or enjoyable in any way and often we are left just wanting to "get off". In truth, this is a sign that therapy is working for you... granted, not as fast and effective as you may have hoped for, but it's working. There is a complete change of thinking going on and for a while you may not even be aware that is the goal.

Have you heard of DBT (Dialectical Behavioral therpay)? That is often a treatment used in addition to psychiastrist and therapist. It is a weekly class on trainig your mind to think differently. i have severe depression too and a huge part of my problem comes from the "programming" I experienced growing up and how I viewed the world. By retraining my thoughts I have managed to make great progress with mood management and my life is better for it. It didn't happen over night, it's taken many years.

So yes, it's very important. Meds and your Depression play a key role in how your feeling and thinking right now. But this is treatable. Please be honest and get all the supposrt you can now. You'll be glad you did later when you start feeling a bit better.

 

[gentlelady]

Psychs do need to be in tune to your thoughts of suicide as Luliby mentioned because of the meds they prescribe you. They may be used to hearing patients talk about suicide, but they have alot to loose should it occur. You do need to be honest with your therapist and psych. They cannot decide how to best help you if you keep things hiddden from them. It could even cause them to go in the wrong direction. I hope you get things solved and headed in the right direction.

 

[Sadeyes]

Suicide changes the playing field no matter what type of 'intimate' relationship you are in...ppl get concerned, saddened, frightened of their own feelings, and do not always react in a way we wish to hear...my psych called me 'diffcult' when i told him...this is after 15 yrs of treatment and much closeness...I felt very unsupported, but knew how hard it was for him to hear how very dispondant i was...tell your therapist how you feel about what has gone one...the thing we often do when we are very depressed is to be so very watchful...waiting for someone to say the wrong thing which will attest to how lonely and messed up we are...you deserve to voice your feelings and I hope you continue to do so...big hugs, Jackie

 

[5150incalif]

Thank you for your comments and concerns. Certainly the level of your comments were unexpected but greatly appreciated.

I am lost. I have issues that will take much more than I can deal with right now. I have a decision to make. I only wish there was a better way. I was offered ECT recently and I know the decision is mine. Being mentally ill is far worse than anything I've ever experienced. I hope to draw some help from people who really know what I'm going through.

I thank you again for your insightful comments.

 

[Sadeyes]

A reknown Japanese psych said, in every storm there is both danger and beauty...I keep these words near to my heart as I know how lost a person can get... and yes, mental anguish is probably the most painful state, but as you have said, there is help...good luck with your decision...I cannot advise as i know each of us has to do what our head (sometimes not an accurate measure) and heart says...please keep posting and know you are not alone

 

[Luliby]

"in every storm there is both danger and beauty." WOW, i love that Sadeyes!
That is a saying to keep close to ones heart.

5150incalif, thanks for sharing a little more about your personal journey. ECT is a big decision. I have known people who have done very well after the procedure. And you are right.. I have been through a lot myself and by far, this mental illness is the most difficult. I would gladly have another pulmonary embolism, for example, then spend another day depressed.

I'm really glad you found our web site and I hope you feel comfortable emailing me or to continue posting.

Glad to meet you!

:harp: