It's Time

[user777]

I don't see the point to living anymore and want to kill myself.

I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, anxiety, and ADHD. I am in my early 30s. I have a psychiatrist and go to therapy weekly. In the last year, I received TMS treatment, which didn't alleviate my depression. I am on antidepressants, antianxiety, and antipsychotic medications. I self-harmed (regularly) in the past and have recently started again.

No one understands the struggle I feel on a daily basis. Getting through each day is almost unbearable. I am constantly crying and getting so overwhelmed that I don't know what to do with myself besides self-harm. I can't accurately describe the intense internal pain I feel, especially in the moments where I get emotionally overwhelmed. I have zero interest in anything, no motivation, hopelessness, and unable to feel a sense of accomplishment/fulfillment in anything I do. I constantly have intrusive thoughts of suicide and think about suicide on a daily basis. I feel like I have only been living for others, meaning I haven't killed myself because of the impact it would have on my family. But I am getting to the point where that isn't enough to keep me going anymore. I am so tired of feeling this way. It is a never-ending cycle that I am exhausted from repeating. I don't see the point to continue living anymore. No part of me cares to see what the future holds, I am just over it.

How long do you keep doing something that you hate?

 

[Lara_C]

Welcome here @user777. I'm so sorry you are having such a hard struggle with no sign of relief having tried various medications and therapy. Please try to just stay and keep posting as there are other things to try and I can reassure you that SF is a safe space for you to share what you're going through with others who understand the kind of pain you feel and who are here to give you support , or even just listen. You matter to us on here and you are not alone .

 

[may71]

Hello User777, welcome to SF. I'm sorry that you've gone through so much for so long.

I feel like I have only been living for others, meaning I haven't killed myself because of the impact it would have on my family. But I am getting to the point where that isn't enough to keep me going anymore.

I've heard many members say exactly the same thing. Maybe it would help to know that you're not alone in this.

You've been through all of the standard conventional treatments, and I assume that if your psychiatrist thought you should be on different medications or higher doses, that would have been recommended already.

There are some alternative treatments that might be worth a try. I can say more about this, but it's also ok if you're not interested.

I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, anxiety

If you know what led to all of this and would like to talk about it, you're welcome to say more. I also understand if you don't feel ready to.

I hope something can help. I think life owes you some kindness and I hope it will show you some soon.

 

[KM76710]

@user777

Sad that things have been so negative in life for you, but this is a great place to join in, one where you are welcome and can express as you need and want. I hope that you will keep returning, getting to know the forum and posting because we are listening and you will find support and hopefully helpful advice.

 

[seabird]

It's good you found SF. I'm glad you're here.

@user777 I can gree that it's true killing yourself would impact your family. You are however, valuable independent of your value to your family or anyone. I'm sorry everything is so hard. You've got strength to still here on the earth, despite how crazily hard it can be. I hope you have in real life support. We support each other here as much as possible, especially when someone's feeling at that point of despairing. Keep us posted how you are doing.