I have had this experience myself. You are abused so badly yourself that you end up retaliating, and carrying out the same pattern of behaviour as your original abuser. You don’t say who you believe you’re abusing. Is it your abuser or an innocent party? If it’s the former, it’s understandable, but it’s clearly making you feel bad and so is not worth losing the good person you were prior to your own abusive experience. Real abusers are never really loved. I don’t want you to end up bitter and resentful, and you’re clearly a good person, as you have a conscience enough to recognise you’re doing wrong and ask for guidance. However hard it is, please try and resist and revert back to your former self, even if it means talking to someone professional to help you. You mustn’t let this ruin your life. Good luck to you.
Rise above the original abuser, who is no doubt not even half the person you are.