I've messed up so much.

[CryingForPie]

Hi, so basically I'm in my final year of university and decided last April to completely give up on my life, I came up with a plan and everything (which I won't say here, I'm not sure if it's against the site rules). Anyway, this led to me doing zero work and not submitting any of my assignments. Now I'm in resit period and I have three pieces of coursework due in two days, and I just don't want to finish any of it.

It's like I feel indifference towards everything. I just don't care any more.

Now, my parents think that I've only got to submit one assignment, and that my graduation has been delayed until mid September. I feel like I'm just stealing time away from myself in the future, just to waste doing nothing now.

I don't know what to do. I don't care about anything, all I think about in the back of my mind is suicide and running away forever. I've felt like this for years, but I've never messed up this badly before. I don't even like my degree or subject that I do, I just do it because everyone else has told me to.

I don't want to go into detail about why I hate myself so much in the first place, because it doesn't really matter - I just want out of this situation. I can't do this anymore.

Thank you for reading.

 

[painfully]

Its not that big of a mess. Even if all goes bad, all you would have to do would be to repeat 1 year of uni. Its not that bad.

 

[CryingForPie]

I've already used up my 'gift' year of funding from student finance, as I had to transfer to another university for my second year, so I'd have to pay thousands to repeat modules again.

And even if I did, I think I'm just done anyway. I don't see the point of repeating the year if I just can't do the work. It's not going to change the fact I'm still me.

 

[may71]

I'm sorry that you're going through this @CryingForPie

I just want out of this situation

Usually there's a better way out than suicide.

It sounds like focusing on your health and well being would be a good idea. Many schools have provisions that will let you put your academic work on hold for health reasons.

If you can get to a point where you don't want to die, you may be able to see a path that you'll want to follow. It could be continuing academic work, or it could be something completely different.

I don't want to go into detail about why I hate myself so much in the first place, because it doesn't really matter

If talking about it might help you feel better, then it does matter. It's ok if you don't want to talk about it, but you're welcome to if you'd like to.