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Jack ♥

feathers

Well-Known Member
#1
Yesterday, I miscarried. I say he's my little boy, because that's how I've always imagined him. My little Jack. He was 6 weeks along. And now he's in the hospital in a jar labeled 'HARMFUL' and having tests run on him, probably soon about to be disposed of as biomedical waste.

My little boy isn't harmful. He's helpless. He shouldn't be in a jar in a hospital, he should be warm and safe inside of me, until he's ready to come out and be a happy, shiny, new baby.

It's so hurtful to know where he is and what will become of him. I was in love with him. I was planning for his future. I couldn't wait 'til 28th August, when he would be due to be born...

It's been so hard not to scream through the pain that I am feeling with this loss.

K x
 
#4
Kazine -
I'm so sorry for your loss :(

I'm here if you need someone to talk to, I can only imagine the pain you're going through..
 
#8
Sorry to hear about your loss, he will always be with you no matter what. I found a article that may be helpful to you.
Dealing with deathLosing someone close, whether they be a relative, friend or lover is hard. Your emotions run haywire while you try to grasp what has happened and the loss you feel seems endless. We can't bring them back but we can try and help you understand your feelings.
What is grief?
After someone close to you dies, you go through a process of mourning. Grief is the visible sign of that mourning and encompasses a wide range of physical and emotional symptoms that you experience after a loss. It is vital to let your feelings out as by bottling them up will only lead to emotional problems in the future.
Grieving for a loved one takes time. We all go through the process in different ways, and often experience conflicting or even overwhelming feelings, but slowly life will become more bearable.
The important thing is to get support from people you trust. Your family and friends all understand what you're dealing with, and will want to help. Exactly how is down to you. Whether you want to talk about your feelings, reflect on your loss, or simply get out to take your mind off things, just do whatever feels right and makes you feel better. And remember to keep in touch with your doctor. If you are having sleeping problems, your doctor may prescribe sleeping tablets or may refer you to a counsellor if you feel the need for more help to cope with a loss.
How long will it take?
The grieving process takes time and should not be hurried. How long it will take depends on you and your situation. In general, though, it takes most people one to two years to fully recover from a major bereavement. It's common to feel especially vulnerable at times such as their birthday, the anniversary of their death, and during the Christmas holidays.
After a suicide
If someone close to you has taken their own life, it can be especially difficult for those left behind. Don't be surprised if you feel completely shocked and numb, or even furiously angry at them, or want to tell them they're stupid or selfish. It's OK to feel this way for a while, and other people who knew them may be going through the same thing too. Many friends and relatives feel guilty, or haunted by the thought that they 'could have done something to prevent it', and again these feelings are normal, and part of the grieving process.
Helping a friend who has lost someone
Don't be scared to talk to them about how they feel, and to say that you are sorry for their loss. Let them know you're there for them if they want to sound off angrily, cry on your shoulder, or get out to do something to distract themselves for a while. Try not to avoid them unless they ask for some space, this may make them feel worse than they do already, and it's a time when they need to know who their friends are.
http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/wellbeing/lookingafteryourself/dealingwithdeath
 

feathers

Well-Known Member
#11
Had the most horrendous dream last night, in which I was more heavily pregnant than I was with Jack, but I started to miscarry. I went into full blown labour, contractions and everything, and I had to go into hospital to deliver my dead baby.

Every time I see a baby I think of mine, that I lost, and every time someone mentions babies, the same happens. Babies are just everywhere these days. Just keeps breaking me down.

I had a panic attack and a crying outburst in the refectory today because the little charm I bought for Jack set me off. I just wish I could have my own little baby and it hurts even more now that I've lost one.
 

feathers

Well-Known Member
#12
A few days after I posted this thread I learned that I was actually further along in my pregnancy than I thought, by a month. I worked out my new due date as 25/07/11. This date is rapidly approaching. I've found myself dreaming about pregnancy again - it's like my body knows that in 3 days I would have had my little boy.

Kaz x
 

feathers

Well-Known Member
#17
Mummy's having a bad time at the minute baby. I was on my way to uni the other day and I saw an advert for miscarriage support. Obviously the people who put it there meant well but it just brought my loss of you crashing back to me. I've been miserable ever since. I dreamed I was pregnant that night which didn't help either. Then there's all the mothers day presents that are in the shops at the minute. Honestly the only thing I want for mother's day is to have you in my arms. I'm so unhappy at the minute I just wish that I could join you, wherever you are. Thinking of getting a memorial tattoo when I can afford it... I never wanna forget you.

Mummy x
 

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