Jerks at work

[alice202]

This week I went through a transition to a new employer while keeping the same job, same co-workers. We had to go through onboarding classes, including one on sexual harassment and diversity etc.

I'm one of only 2 females in the group, and there is really only one person I consider a friend. He does kid me and sometimes it goes too far.

I'm a remote worker, 100%. Today in the middle of all this training, I posted asking for help with opening a file. One person reported that he had no problems. One of the managers and my friend started poking fun at me. And then the same manager was making fun of the sensitivity training, as he called it. He posted an unflattering gif which seemed to be directed at me. I did not get an answer to my question.

So I confronted the guy who was my friend about it, and he started telling me well you know he's a jerk, and you shouldn't take it so personally. And don't let him live in your head. So I said sooner or later I'm going to report him, so don't join him in making fun of me. This is not in my head its out there in print.

Then he apologized and said he wouldn't do it again.

Which brings me to the fact that all these procedures companies put in place are a big stupid joke. The two managers that I have to deal with every day are immature, thin-skinned, sexist, bullies. If they ever thought I reported them, I have absolutely no doubt there would be retaliation because they fire people for no good reason all the time. And they think "sensitivity training"- which is basically just acting like an adult in the workplace , is a joke. They don't think it pertains to them.

Its a good job financially. But I feel really isolated here. Too many men.

 

[iloverachel]

 

[Dalida]

This week I went through a transition to a new employer while keeping the same job, same co-workers. We had to go through onboarding classes, including one on sexual harassment and diversity etc.

I'm one of only 2 females in the group, and there is really only one person I consider a friend. He does kid me and sometimes it goes too far.

I'm a remote worker, 100%. Today in the middle of all this training, I posted asking for help with opening a file. One person reported that he had no problems. One of the managers and my friend started poking fun at me. And then the same manager was making fun of the sensitivity training, as he called it. He posted an unflattering gif which seemed to be directed at me. I did not get an answer to my question.

So I confronted the guy who was my friend about it, and he started telling me well you know he's a jerk, and you shouldn't take it so personally. And don't let him live in your head. So I said sooner or later I'm going to report him, so don't join him in making fun of me. This is not in my head its out there in print.

Then he apologized and said he wouldn't do it again.

Which brings me to the fact that all these procedures companies put in place are a big stupid joke. The two managers that I have to deal with every day are immature, thin-skinned, sexist, bullies. If they ever thought I reported them, I have absolutely no doubt there would be retaliation because they fire people for no good reason all the time. And they think "sensitivity training"- which is basically just acting like an adult in the workplace , is a joke. They don't think it pertains to them.

Its a good job financially. But I feel really isolated here. Too many men.

That is enraging!! I'm so sorry. I am the only woman in my department and I feel ya. Document EVERYTHING!

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

I'm so sorry that people are still going through this kind of crap. One good thing I have to say about my former company (I was there 20+ years) is that they were very progressive about not allowing any kind of sexism or racism or homophobia in the workplace. The workforce there was extremely diverse though, with a lot of women and employees from many ethnic backgrounds. There were also many gay employees.

This was in a progressive urban city though. But at least there are some companies that get this right. I mean, sometimes they went overboard such as when a young female employee sent a young male employee some photos of her on vacation and she was wearing a bikini in some of them, and he got in trouble because someone reported him for looking at the photos on his computer (although the situation did get resolved and neither of them got written reprimands).

I think Dalida's suggestion to document anything offensive is a good one. There's a guy on YouTube (Wizard of Words - Dan O'Connor) who has great videos about dealing with workplace bullies and harassment.

 

[alice202]

Thanks, Lady Wolfshead.
Since I am remote, the people are from all kinds of backgrounds although all are US citizens. (It's a Federal contract.) Interestingly, the ones who were born in another country are without exception the best behaved. They don't swear or make inappropriate comments and in general are very professional. I think they are more aware of the potential for being misunderstood, so they don't take any chances.
Sometimes the men with military backgrounds get crude with each other and yuk it up. It makes me and the other woman uncomfortable, but since all the men are laughing we don't say anything.
The higher up men like to pick on different people. If I were in on the joke, it might be funny. But being laughed at is not funny.
So, yes I am documenting.
I have to say, I am so used to my concerns being dismissed, I sometimes just withdraw. Today I didn't interact with anyone except my work partner, who is fine. We have no problems.
I work from home, so you wouldn't think this would still affect me. But as long as you deal with people stuff happens.
This company has procedures in place for reporting, but honestly my experience with this is disappointing. More than 10 years ago I experienced quid pro quo sexual harassment when my coworker became my supervisor. I reported it within 24 hours, and within 24 more hours I had lost my job. The easiest way to make a problem go away is to make the person who complains go away. So its always a risk.

Alice

 

[SamB]

One of the issues is that the system focuses on punishment rather than resolution. So as soon as something is reported then it just starts a conflict between the two parties. Because of the threat of punishment the accused will nearly always try and deny and then often go on the attack making counter accusations. The competing accusations and acrimony that is created mean that the situation usually ends up with a bad outcome for one party. The system is rarely fair with the investigations being carried out senior managers that are often friends with or at the very least empathise with the manager. Ultimately usually the junior party (who is normally the reporter) will lose out and have a negative outcome.
I have personally experienced this (just for general bullying and and unfair treatment) when I reported the manager they immediately turned it around and made up accusations about me. Without evidence they were believed and I was dismissed.
Personally, I didn’t want the manger to be punished I just wanted their behaviour to stop and them to start behaving appropriately. I think if the system focused on positive resolutions for the future rather than punishment for the past then the manager might have been willing to admit their behaviour and adjust it and the outcome could have been positive for all rather than negative for all.
I would certainly agree with everyone else that you should document everything, also ensure you keep that documentation independent from your work equipment like on a USB stick and keep notes about the dates and how you were effected at the time. I was cut off from the company I.T. system as soon as I reported my issue and then refused access to gather the evidence I had collected and collated over the period of bullying.

 

[alice202]

Thanks SamB. I'm sorry that happened to you.
It all comes down to who has the most power. I think some people get into management so they can feel superior to others. One of the managers keeps assigning his work to us. I don't feel like I can say no, but its really annoying and his bosses will probably never know.