My rugby fundraiser last night was actually fun, surprisingly enough. There were other guys who weren't wearing suits and ties, so I wasn't that out of place. It was great watching some of the guys act stupid on the stage, even though my lack of self-confidence wouldn't allow me to match their energy level. I probably should have gotten a little alcohol into me to help with that, but I didn't want to get in trouble. I was pretty nervous and even shaking when I was waiting to go up, but it went okay. More than one person bid on me. Bidding started at $1, and I went for $16. I wasn't even the lowest: there were at least 2 guys who went for less than me (but another went for nearly $250, which is kinda ridiculous, especially since I don't even think he's the hottest guy on the team lol) Ended up being bought by the roommate of one of my teammates. That was nice of him. I just was hoping for a girl since I've only ever been on a date with a guy. But maybe this doesn't count as a real date so whatever.
After the event, I mentioned to someone that I didn't feel like going home yet because I didn't wanna be alone, so he invited me to come to the school cafe one floor down with him. A few of my other friends from the team ended up coming too, and we just hung out and had a nice conversation, even though I didn't talk much.
Seeing the counselor today. Going to see if I can tell her about the suicidal thoughts and my insecurities even though I feel good right now.