Jim's Cafe - Saturday, Feb. 21, 2026

[Angie]

Hello SF family, I hope this finds you well as can be.

Here are some questions about support, I thought it might be useful to get to know each other in this, as support is the main objective of SF.

What does good support from others look like to you?
What does bad support look like?
How are you most comfortable giving support?

 

[JMG]

Hey Angie, thanks for posting a cafe for today, great theme. Hope you’re well too.

What does good support from others look like to you?
What does bad support look like?
How are you most comfortable giving support?

1. Good support from others is them being patient and showing a genuine caring for me and how I’m doing, being responsive and at least minimally interested when I tell them, hopefully being fairly positive, encouraging and supportive, and kindness/empathy is always deeply appreciated as well.

2. Bad support - the complete opposite of the above pretty much lol - negative, judgmental, harsh, critical, demanding, impatient, apathetic, mean, phony, unkind, insincere and unresponsive.

3. With written/typed words in some ways, because I feel I am much better expressing myself more clearly that way. I also like giving people things to help brighten their day and cheer them up, like an encouragement card (or digital equivalent) and/or a small gift of some kind. Something to let them know I think they are special and valuable

Some tags: @Witty_Sarcasm @Baywasp @Lane @KM76710 @Inastorm @Kiwi2016 @cymbele @FFurry

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Thank you for starting the cafe @Angie and for the @JMG 😊

What does good support from others look like to you?
Actively listening and not judging, being kind and empathetic.

What does bad support look like?
Being rude, uninterested, and uncaring.

How are you most comfortable giving support?
Any way that works best for them, whether it's advice or just being a listening ear.

 

[AmberMarie]

Such a tough.. yet important subject. Thank you @Angie !!!

What does good support from others look like to you?
Openminded, challenging, willing to step in when it is noticed that one can no longer do what is needed on their own. And sometimes... just to sit in the dark with someone... sit there and either have a tiny matchlight or wait with that person till the light does come. An understanding that every day can be different. One moment i am fine, and the next is a spiral of hell. Knowing and understanding that sometimes the tiniest thing can throw everything into a pit, or send a much needed lifeline. (sometimes this can be the exact same thing too) Above all... being willing to help!

What does bad support look like?
Insisting that things have to be done a certain way. Not listening to anything being said. Invalidation!!! Having a behavior or attitude that makes the one needing support, feel like the lowest person on earth for needing support. Or allowing them to feel guilty or wrong, to need support. Being impatient. my timeline isn't going to match someone else's, nor should it, as we are all different.

How are you most comfortable giving support?
Listening, sharing some things i have learned or experiences that might help. Brainstorming ways/ideas that may be of help. Sitting with someone... don't have to talk, just sit with... be a body double to help get through. Hugs!!! Loads of hugs!

 

[FFurry]

Thanks @Angie @JMG ! That's a broad and open-ended topic, so I'll just try to cite my favorite examples 👍

What does good support from others look like to you? "I'm there for you no matter what. Whatever the damage, we'll find a way."
What does bad support look like? "Feel free to talk if you wish. But in any case, remember it's not my fault you're going through this."
How are you most comfortable giving support? From the heart, with no hidden agendas or strings attached.

 

[Lane]

Good morning. Thank you for opening and tagging me Angie and JMG.

Good support to me is listening without judgements or advice unless asked. It can be a hug. Also, checking up on a distressed or depressed friend. Offering to do things together, eg breakfast, go for a walk or a cup of coffee. Just making an effort to show that you care. I've had "friends" that just disappear and I try to say that this was best for them at this time but it still hurts, because life is hard and we can all use support or a friend.

Bad support can be not caring,not listening, no follow-up perhaps. Bad support can be judgemental or even getting others (familymembers) to take sides against the hurting individual. Just being dismissive.

Im most comfortable giving support by calling or texting a friend to let them know I'm there. To say yes if someone wants to do something, perhaps they need a friend. Ive had two people live with me temporarily to escape abuse or homelessness,so I guess sharing my home or lending money.

 

[Kiwi2016]

Great questions @Angie. And hitting close to home for me.

What does good support from others look like to you?
Really listening when someone unloading but also more importantly when someone is quiet. As they may need support in that moment but can't express it for whatever reason. Offering a listening ear, sage advice from different perspective, being there for the long haul not just few days or weeks.


What does bad support look like?
Dismissing someone's problems/emotions/situations as unimportant saying something like... millions have experienced "x" ...you aren't unique so get over it and stop wallowing or being stuck.Being there for initial days/weeks...but fading away so person is left feeling like they have become an imposition and so backs away
..end result no real active support...instead chatty chats but no substantive support.

How are you most comfortable giving support?Sending texts, ecards, calls asking how doing specifically about "x". Basically reaching out to them and offering encouragement and advice (if asked).

 

[KM76710]

What does good support from others look like to you?

When a person knows that they are heard, are noticed and have a spot they are welcome to show up and take.

What does bad support look like?

When they feel put on spot as if their support is conditional or as put as if they are not as valuable as others. People are so different in how they take and handle things.

How are you most comfortable giving support?

So often it is mainly listening and letting a person know that they are not ignored and at times perhaps have good advice that may benefit them.