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Jim's Cafe - Sunday 24th September

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Innocent Forever

Innocent Forever

🐒🥜🍌
Staff Alumni
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#1
#1
Happy Sunday everyone!
I seriously had to look up the date today to remember it.
Thanks @Ash600 for chucking the keys at my head. You're lucky I happened to catch them and they didn't bruise me.
Becka's bar is going to be run by @Becky2016
Of course I'm the last to know where we are located. I'll just lounge around. @Acy and @Kiwi2016 always find better stuff than me but until they turn up I'll have to find somewhere to sit.

(this one is for everyone on the chatroom last night @JacsMom or Fifty will tag them all)

I'd love to visit the spa today and get a massage. @Freya you coming? Everyone who wants to go please join us!! I'd love to have a pedicure, not sure how it should look yet will have to think it up. My manicure will be simple, I think maroon. And a massage, heaven!
Feeling under the weather, but may go to boundary mills later with my sisters.
Happy Sunday y'all!!!!
Oh and I forgot to bring @WolfRunners sorbet!
is this enough??

Today we have a desert table to make @defeatedandlost hungry


@PhoenixLady will bring coffee
Come say hi everyone!
The challenge for today is to bring 3 people along here and if you are up for it to say hi or share any random information you like.
My random information. Hmm. I have 20 watches (half from ebay for a couple of pounds)

Oh, and as of now we're pretty tame, so I doubt @Emerald Hyperion with his new resolution to just walk is going to get into any trouble, but just in case @Witty_Sarcasm and @east_coast_mel are still there to help.
 
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Kiwi2016

Kiwi2016

🦩 Now a flamingo, not a kiwi 🦩
SF Pro
#4
#4
JacsMom

JacsMom

Staff Alumni
#6
#6
Kiwi2016 said:
Good morning one and all...thought that we could use some more chairs to lounge in while waiting for our spa treatments....

Tagging @charley spring @JacsMom @A guy with feelings @Rockclimbinggirl @Petal @ pierside @Kira @Lulabelle @Mike Lebbie @Angel368
and one and all...
hmm random information...not sure if this qualifies but as haven't had coffee yet all I could think of...as a child my two guinea pigs that we thought were males...had three babies on my birthday...
Click to expand...
@Kiwi2016 I call dibs on that second chair! It looks extremelyyyyyyyyy comfy!
 
Ash600

Ash600

Of dust and shadows
SF Creative
SF Supporter
#8
#8
JacsMom said:
Oh my! Huggy Bear! I used to love Huggy Bear! lol What a cheesy show that was...at the time I thought it was great. :p
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Yeah but he was THE MAN!!!

Those shoes and suit were from the film "I'm Gonna Git You Sucka"
 
Emerald Hyperion

Emerald Hyperion

Unknown Mystery Person
#9
#9
I guess while we're on the topic of pimps (or at least people who dress like pimps), this the perfect time to tell another one of my war stories. Gather round, children and senior citizens.

It was 2004, a year after I graduated from high school. I was best friends with a dude named Rusty at the time. He was a big dude, kinda like a slightly smaller, less uglier version of Kimbo Slice. We were kinda like a modern day version of Abbott and Costello. Or maybe Kenan and Kel. Or maybe Laverne and Shirley. Or maybe Lucy and Ethel... I really don't know, it depends on your view. He was the smart one and I was the stupid one (although secretly you could say it was the reverse, I only pretend to be naive in real life).

So anyway, Rusty lived in the ghetto. Okay, we BOTH lived in the ghetto. Sorta. He lived in a 10-story apartment complex and he was on the fifth floor. Every time I visited him I had two choices - either take the extremely narrow stairs which could hurt anyone ankles on a good day, or ride the elevator which always smelled like a combination of stank feet and urine. I tried taking the fire escape to avoid either option but I couldn't reach the ladder, as I was about a foot too short.

Rusty had a neighbor. Quite a special neighbor. He was a pimp. Yes, you read that right. He was a modern day (circa 2004) pimp, and boy, did he dress the part. Wore so much purple he could easily put Prince, Grimace, and Barney the Dinosaur to utter shame. Dude had the whole damn ensemble - had the customary purple and pink three piece pinstripe suit and a long faux fur coat to match. Had the big ass pimp hat with a purple feather sticking out the top, and had some slamming alligator skin shoes. Looked sleek as shit and smooth as butter. I didn't know the guy's name nor did Rusty ever tell me what it was, so let's call him Rufus.

Rufus had your typical pimp personality - albeit an obnoxious one. He had a nasty attitude and never spoke to anyone unless they were strictly female, and would only acknowledge a fellow male with a simple grunt and a nod. If he ever did speak, he had a really commonplace deeper-than-deep voice that would make a prison inmate squeal in intimidation. Not to mention he had a snazzy operation going on in his apartment (or, in that era, they called it a "crib" I think, unless that was predating the 2000's). Well, snazzy as in terms of looks... I was able to only once get a glimpse inside for about five seconds while visiting Rusty, and I saw a pink florescent shade of lighting along with a shelves containing an assortment of oils, ointments, and lotions. Also saw that the carpet was made out of some kind of tiger skin or maybe it was raccoon skin? Who the hell knows.

Like I said, snazzy as in looks. Not so snazzy was the godawful SMELL coming from the apartment - for that brief five seconds after Rufus opened his door, my nose was struck with a stench so powerful it nearly knocked me out on the (CENSORED) spot. It was a culmination of hot garbage, weed, corn chips, vaginal discharge, and possibly Ben Gay (or maybe some kind of underground analgesic that I have no knowledge of). Since he was a pimp it was no surprise he constantly had women over at his place, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I didn't even want to imagine the thousands of STDs and strains of sativa that was being passed along inside that apartment like a hypodermic needle at Woodstock. The guy was practically running a whorehouse and he was reaping the benefits. In short, Rufus was a jerk and an asshole, and nobody liked him. Hell, I barely knew the guy and I didn't like him either.

But Rufus got his comeuppance. One day when I visited Rusty, we were about to leave to go and chill outside. Right as we were making our exit, Rufus came out of his apartment and was carrying a trash bag to take the garbage chute. He looked at us while he nodded and grunted, our noses struck with the powerful and horrific stench of sex muck and a montage of marijuana. Just when either of us couldn't take it anymore, Rufus opened the door to the garbage chute - and a gigantic roach came flying RIGHT out of the darkened trash chasm.

I watched Rufus as he opened his mouth in an "o" of sheer horror and surprise, and the cockroach promptly taking flight and landing DIRECTLY on Rufus' agape and hanging tongue. You couldn't make shit up like this even if you tried. It all happened so fast yet it was so surreal - the roach was planted right on Rufus' tongue and attempted to climb inside his mouth for much needed warmth. Rusty and I watched on in disbelief as we witnessed Rufus scream in the most feminine and nearly bitch-like squeal that ever left a black man's lips.

Rufus quickly tucked his right hand in his sleeve and swatted the roach off of his tongue and started stamping his feet up and down in place, turning around and looking at us with wide-eyed distress. The passionately perturbed pimp attempted to communicate with us while his tongue hung out, strings of saliva sliding down like a wayward waterfall, as he maliciously muffled out loud "WOACH ON MUH TUNG, WOACH ON MUH TUNG!" (Roach on my tongue! Roach on my tongue!) followed by a shrill scream as if he were anally penetrated for the first time without consent. He wailed and shivered and performed a a jazzy jig while flailing his arms, repeatedly smacking his tongue with his hands as if he were trying to prevent germs from infesting his mouth, but it was too late. Better him than me, I suppose.

I've never seen a pimp express himself so poetically. The roach landed on the floor and skittered across to the stairwell never to be seen again, and Rufus promptly ran off toward the hallway of his apartment and slammed his door shut with a bang, and we could clearly hear another loud feminine-like howl behind it. My friend Rusty and I looked at each other, as we proceeded to burst out laughing our asses off something fierce, to the point where it took us nearly fifteen minutes to gather our composure afterwards. I never saw Rufus ever again after that.

So what's the moral to this story, kids? Well - never become a pimp. The other moral to this story? Always bring a can of Raid with you before you toss out the trash in the garbage chute. To be quite honest, you'll never know what's going to fly out of there when you open the door. The last moral to this story? Keep your damned mouth closed at all times when going to the garbage chute.

Thank you and goodnight.
 
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Kira

Kira

•✮• SF Gelfling •✮•
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#13
#13
So, I lay down on the butterfly chair expecting to start flying around but it didn't work :( I think it's broken @Kiwi2016 I even started flapping my arms to take off but it didn't work.
Maybe I broke it? Opps... *tiptoes off looking for a new butterfly chair*
 
Kiwi2016

Kiwi2016

🦩 Now a flamingo, not a kiwi 🦩
SF Pro
#14
#14
Kira said:
So, I lay down on the butterfly chair expecting to start flying around but it didn't work :( I think it's broken @Kiwi2016 I even started flapping my arms to take off but it didn't work.
Maybe I broke it? Opps... *tiptoes off looking for a new butterfly chair*
Click to expand...
Perhaps it was just sleeping so maybe you could try this one...
 
Kira

Kira

•✮• SF Gelfling •✮•
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#17
#17
Kiwi2016 said:
Butterflies have a cushion of air above their wings so you don't have to worry about crushing their wings...they will carry you gently wherever you want to go...
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Awesome :D Well I'll be floating around on the butterfly chairs! I can't promise that if water ballons start falling from the sky that it's not me :p
 
Fleury Dragon

Fleury Dragon

Rawr 🐲
SF Supporter
#18
#18
Hi all, first post in the coffee house in years. Thought I would feel comfortable coming back here but it feels strange and unfamiliar.
Actually rather disappointed in the change to format. I remember how Jim used to come in here and share with us about his day. With a song at the end. We would all share our plans. Let each other know how we were. But things change. I wonder why it changed. !!!!
 
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