Jim's cafe - Tues.Nov.12/19

[JMG]

Hey everyone hope you are having a good day, happy Tuesday. The theme for today is basically just 1 question which is, if someone hurt or offended you in a really terrible way, do you think it is ok to try to hurt or offend them back if you have a chance to? Or is it better to be more forgiving and not try to get revenge on them in some way?

I'm not sure of my answer to it at this time but I am just curious what others have to say on it anyway.

Also, if you are uncomfortable with the above question then I'll put an easier one here (or if you want to answer both that is fine too) which is: Have you ever intentionally hurt anyone? My answer to this one unfortunately is yes but I do not feel good about it at all, and also I do try very hard to never do that. I have to be EXTREMELY hurt before I'll even consider it, I know that doesn't "excuse" it, but I do think if nothing else it makes it at least a bit more understandable. I never cause intentional harm completely unprovoked.

Tags: @Witty_Sarcasm @Lane @1964dodge @Baywasp @Were all together @sinking_ship @Auri @Aurelia @bag_of_struggles @Raven @Blue Star @BlueGreen @pooky @dtc @Acy @Ash600 @Walker @Fleurise @Kiwi2016 @LostGirl22 @Lilmeowmeow sooo sorry to any regulars I forgot this is all I can think of for now but anyone who is not here please feel free to post too everyone is welcome here, you are all special and you all matter very much

 

[Walker]

Hi and hello everyone

No, I don't think that's the better position - hurting someone because they've hurt you. What kind of shit is that? Most people haven't hurt you because they intentionally did so, for one and even if they did then are you going to feel better for having gotten this 'revenge'?

I've definitely thought about getting revenge on people, even somewhat recently. These things aren't usually about myself but are centered around someone close to me. Someone screwed over my lady - someone jerked my kid around. I'm not good with that and I'll rip their face off if I don't keep that in check. Because in the end, that is doing no one any good.

I truly believe you can REALLY piss someone off who has wronged you by living well. Have you ever been really pissed at someone and you look at their social media or whatever from afar and you see that they've graduated or had a kid or gone on vacation or lose 50lbs and it just grates your gears?? (been there, done that) So the fact that you are living a good life will irritate those people much more than you sending them a dead fish or keying their car or whatever. Take the high road.

 

[Lane]

Hi @JMG and SF friends. Good morning and thanks for the tag. I do believe that if someone hurts me or even my child, terribly is the key term, I would like revenge, and have even fantasized about it. Sorry, truth. Supposed to be no judgement here.

Also, I dont believe in karma. Maybe people's actions dictate reactions but sometimes they are allowed to get away with abuse and should be punished. Perhaps it would feel good to be the one to it, I can only imagine, I'd probably go to jail if I ever acted on it. This opened up a can of worms. . Have a nice day all.

Addicted to these darn wawa hash browns.

 

[Lane]

Hi and hello everyone

No, I don't think that's the better position - hurting someone because they've hurt you. What kind of shit is that? Most people haven't hurt you because they intentionally did so, for one and even if they did then are you going to feel better for having gotten this 'revenge'?

I've definitely thought about getting revenge on people, even somewhat recently. These things aren't usually about myself but are centered around someone close to me. Someone screwed over my lady - someone jerked my kid around. I'm not good with that and I'll rip their face off if I don't keep that in check. Because in the end, that is doing no one any good.

I truly believe you can REALLY piss someone off who has wronged you by living well. Have you ever been really pissed at someone and you look at their social media or whatever from afar and you see that they've graduated or had a kid or gone on vacation or lose 50lbs and it just grates your gears?? (been there, done that) So the fact that you are living a good life will irritate those people much more than you sending them a dead fish or keying their car or whatever. Take the high road.

Also, ignoring people is a good revenge. It depends on the level of the insult. Alot of hurt here on the forum, how people internalize it, etc.

 

[Kiwi2016]

Good morning and thanks for opening @JMG.

Interesting questions since I have endured several such situations. But I still do believe in taking the high road as they say and instead try not to let their actions alter my own personal integrity. And also try to live the best life that I can despite their actions and not allow them to win (e.g. not allow them to see the effect they have had on me). And believe that by not lowering myself to their level I am the better person. However, I also am also realizing that there is an elusive (to me at least still) measured response to any such actions and so still trying to figure out how not to be a doormat but rather to defend myself or deflect their actions effectively. And do also still believe in karma as the world does have a way of balancing things out even if you may not personally see it. When someone intentionally threatens or actually does hurt someone that I personally care about then I do everything that I can to protect that person by taking the brunt of the actions myself but still not lower myself to revenge.

I don't believe that I have ever intentionally hurt someone else but also worry that sometimes through we may not intend to do it that we can hurt others by our words or actions spoken or taken when we do so before thinking a situation through completely and seeing it through the other person's eyes.

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[A guy with feelings]

Good morning all and thanks @Kiwi2016 for the tag.

I haven't actually gotten revenge, but i sure waste a lot of energy thinking about how to do it in the most hurtful way. But it's something i just can't do. My daddy raised me better. But i will say that when Karma kicks them back, I can't help but feel kind of satisfied!

Hope everybody is having a good day. I'm kind of bummed: it snowed overnight and i just HATE snow!

 

[Kiwi2016]

I do miss Wawas!!!

 

[1964dodge]

thank you fo opening the café and inviting me @JMG

so the first question is yes if somebody hurt me in an extreme way I would seek vengeance or revenge, mostly if they hurt me by hurting a member of my family

second question is yes i have intentionally hurt someone before. but only if they hurt a member of my family in a serious way.

yes i can be a very mean person if you cross me by hurting a member of my family and i will never apologize for it or feel guilty, i will tolerate no one messing with my family...mike

 

[Foreignwoman]

Thanks for the tag @Kiwi2016 ❤️

A song that always makes me happy:

 

[Foreignwoman]

If people hurt me I just leave

 

[Sunspots]

Thanks for the tag @Kiwi2016

Tricky question @JMG
When my son was being bullied badly at school I wanted to ram the kids responsible up against a wall. And if it had gone on any longer I think I probably would have done. But generally I think it's best to be the better person and not hurt them back.

I don't think I've ever deliberately hurt anyone. Apart from my big brother when we were kids and he was acting like a total got. Then he deserved it

 

[Innocent Forever]

Hey everyone hope you are having a good day, happy Tuesday. The theme for today is basically just 1 question which is, if someone hurt or offended you in a really terrible way, do you think it is ok to try to hurt or offend them back if you have a chance to? Or is it better to be more forgiving and not try to get revenge on them in some way?

I'm not sure of my answer to it at this time but I am just curious what others have to say on it anyway.

Also, if you are uncomfortable with the above question then I'll put an easier one here (or if you want to answer both that is fine too) which is: Have you ever intentionally hurt anyone?

Thanks for opening!

tagging

Thank you

I don't think it is ever okay to try to hurt or offend someone unless it is self protection. Meaning otherwise you'll get hurt. Like if you're attacked, fight back.
I don't think I've ever intentionally hurt someone but I really can't remember. Maybe I have.... I do recall once shoving my brother away from me when he was bothering me, he ended up skidding and falling onto the floor. Although he was in physical pain I think it hurt me a lot more than him for it hurt me so much to see how I'd hurt him, and it wasn't like it was unintentional, for although I just wanted him off me, I'd pushed him. I never dreamed he'd slip or hurt herself, but I'd done it....

Come join us @DowntheRabbitHole @betteroffunknown @lastlegs @All These Years @Jamay @darkshadey @Charlene @Kafka @NeveragainBread @DouglasW

 

[DowntheRabbitHole]

Thanks for the tag @Innocent Forever

I really try hard not to hurt/offend anyone. I'm a lover not a fighter kinda thing. Even though I have been at the receiving end of a lot of hurtful things, I tend to just walk away and deal with it in my own way.

 

[Rain416]

Hello, all!

I dislike revenge. I feel like if something is wrong, it is best to just talk about it or walk away.

Take care, everyone.

 

[BlueGreen]

Thanks for the tags @JMG and @Kiwi2016

Good question. I've never taken revenge. I don't know that anything that terrible has happened to me but when I had a stalker I killed her in a load of different ways in my head! I've taken action to stop my sons being bullied but not physically. I took action when my husband's boss did something very unreasonable so I am strong for others but not so much for myself. I hate conflict so reacting and making things worse prevents me from doing anything I'd regret. Oh. and me too, I hit my youngest brother once but I plead extreme provocation and it was a long time ago! (And I hurt my hand!)

 

[Charliex8]

Hi everyone ^_^

I don't think revenge is ever the answer. It just leads to more hate and conflict. If someone ever hurt me I'd probably just ignore them. Not for revenge; I just wouldn't want to be around them anymore. Unless they sincerely apologised. Then I'd probably forgive them

Do brothers and sisters count? Doesn't everyone fight with siblings? I've said mean things before but always instantly regret it. I once had a fight with my brother and he somehow ended up through a glass panel in the door! Thankfully he was okay! (And to this day, the glass has never been replaced! It's just boarded up with wood. Guess my parents never trusted us after that....lol)

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

It depends on what they did. Like if they tried to kill me or abused me badly or whatever, I guess my revenge would be making sure they were punished to the full extent of the law. But trying to get revenge on them would probably get me in trouble, but it wouldn't be worth it.
I try not to hurt people on purpose or even on accident, because I feel pretty terrible if I do.

 

[cymbele]

At my age, I tend to forgive b/c I have not had someone REALLY hurt me bad. Yes I fantasize originally about revenge for hurts against me and then let it go. I got too much crap going on to worry about someone else.

I have hurt someone on purpose one physically and several emotionally. Not happy about the physical one I was young and unhappy and I railed against this person and afterward I think he forgave me for some reason. Yeah he was angry at the time but eventually we became friends again. Emotionally I know I did hurt some people but that disintegrated the friendships so I became lonely again. But I am truly sorry for all the hurt I caused. So I don't fault others and probably why I forgive so easily. But forgiving doesn't mean I forget the wrongs and hurts against me.

 

[JMG]

Tysm to everyone who answered You've all helped me a lot cos this is something I am struggling with a lot right now. I feel so guilty for even considering doing something intentionally to hurt my real life friend but I think I have decided I will not do it cos I don't want to bring bad karma on me. I need it to be as good & pure as possible and doing something like that would only pollute it. Special thanks to @Witty_Sarcasm - ty for the quick PM back I really appreciate it and it helped to read what you said. I appreciate that you didn't judge me as well, I'll reply to it more fully when I get a chance don't have much time right now.

Whenever I do a cafe again I promise to keep it a lot lighter, sorry if these questions triggered anyone but really needed help with this quickly & this was the best way I could think of to do it.

 

[Acy]

@JMG - thanks for the tag!

To strike back or not strike back? An interesting dilemma, JMG. I’m sorry you have been caught in something like that. I can really appreciate the feeling of wanting to. At the end of the day, I usually don’t do it - for much the same reasons you’ve given - karma/bad vibes, negative energy. Also, for me, if what I say or do doesn’t resolve the issue in a firm and constructive way, it hasn’t helped anyone.

I hope everyone has had a good day. I drove to the outer limits of the urban area here and visited a lovely little country store with gourmet goodies. (I came home with three kinds of mustard!)