Hello.
Today was kind of a weird day so far I guess. I woke up at around 6:14, having gotten probably about 4 hours of sleep. I've just been having trouble with that lately. I know I'm going to wake up around 6 or earlier even when I have nothing going on (which is most of the time), but I don't adjust when I go to bed to facilitate that. I've also been pretty irritable lately, probably related to the sleep issues. Just wasted time on my laptop for hours. Some of the guys from the team were going to meet up at our usual field for a sort of practice, or at least doing a few drills/workouts. I don't think the school shuttles run over the summer, so I had to take the bus out. I picked the most convenient one where I wouldn't have to transfer at all, but that meant I got to the area about an hour early. I got some Thai iced tea (with boba!) and drank it on my way over to the field.
I got to the field and there was a baseball game going on there. We had been wondering if that would be the case. The one captain had stated where we would be going if it was, but I didn't understand what he was saying, and he didn't answer when I asked for clarification. I don't think I got wifi at the field, and I don't have a smartphone, so I walked away a little towards a more residential area where I figured I'd be able to find Xfinity wifi. I was also feeling really terrible and frustrated and considered just going home instead. But I got on the internet and checked the team Facebook page. Somebody else had posted about the baseball game at the field. So the one captain posted that we could meet up at the other place. He ended up picking me up in his car and driving me over.
There were only five of us, which was just fine with me. But I was feeling really awful the whole time. I mostly didn't do anything. I even started getting really shaky for no good reason. Then I started worrying about being worthless and stuff. My one friend kept coming over to check on me and see if I was okay, but I didn't know what to tell him. So that was really frustrating, but something good did come out of the day. I told my friend (who is also the one captain I was talking about earlier) that I needed to talk to him, so we had a little chat and I ended up giving him the one suicide method I have that I had been researching about and seeing if I could make it work. He promised to get rid of it for me. I totally would have asked my therapist instead, but he's going to be out of town for a bit. I think my friend didn't really get it at first, but I told him I didn't trust myself to do it on my own and that I wanted to be accountable to somebody, and I think that helped him understand. Then another guy gave me a ride downtown.
I was just going to grab a bite to eat and go home, but I stumbled upon this arts festival going on downtown. There were a few food trucks, and I was seriously considering getting something from one, but none of them were exciting enough to motivate me to wait in a long line. But I walked around a bit, dodging the crowds, and got a sample of bananamilk, which I have been curious about ever since I first heard of it a few months ago. Pretty good. I was about to head over to the bus stop and go home, but first I saw a little trailer where people were getting free samples of nutmilk mocktails and I just had to try one, even though the line was kind of long. There was a menu of about 6 or 7 to choose from. I got one made from creme de menthe, white chocolate syrup, and almond milk. Tiny but good. Since then I've gone home and been lazing about on my bed.
So I guess that's it for now. Long post :/
Seems they'll let anyone have a key to this place... just right here up under the door mat.
