Jumping without a parachute

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by 11scared, Jan 16, 2013.

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  1. 11scared

    11scared Member

    My depression has a stranglehold on my life. I have been diagnosed for more than 10 years and nothing seems to break that foggy window I look through every day. Had a real meltdown in Dec and was cutting myself and off my meds. I got the 72 hour hold, (insurance kicked me out) and my meds changed but still brought no relief. I actually feel worse than when I went in. I am in a constant fog and state of confusion. All I want to do is sleep all day and really can't get myself going. I work from home and have a ton of stuff piling up. The burden is so great. Meanwhile my house is going to be foreclosed on b/c our legal system is a farce. Now I have turned to my old friend cutting. I feel like a balloon that is going to pop. If I was ever closer to the edge I'd be over it. I have my suicide plan and a backup, but all I can think about is my family. This depression has hit a new low. I see no light at the end of the tunnel. I know many of you have been there or are there now. Any thoughts to keep me from 6 feet under?
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I am sorry for your many difficulties. As you noted , your melt down happened in December and when you were off your meds. I urge you to continue trying with your new meds - it often takes 2-4 weeks to begin to work, and typically are in a graduated dose so the dose you start out on is not always even a therapeutic dose. Stay in contact with your Dr to discuss if it needs adjusting and when.
    There are a lot of programs to help avoid foreclosure, though when you say you work from home I wonder if you are self employed and would have difficulty verifying an income? If you simply do not have income sufficient for the payments then owning the home may simply be making it impossible to qualify for other programs that could help your financial situation as many deem if you own a home you do not qualify - these are things you need to sit down with a social worker to determine. They may also be able to direct you to free mental health services through your county mental health.
    To pull back from the edge you need to start solving some of these issues, one at a time so you can get confidence it is possible. Start with simple - "I will work without break for one hour" and try for the small victories at first...

    Take care and be safe

    Ben
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I like wHat NYpMaster has said hun Is there anyway you can talk to a financial person who can help you with your dept payments hugs
     
  4. 11scared

    11scared Member

    The irony of it all is that I am an accountant and certified financial planner. However, as my mental health seems to be dimishing (foggy, scared, numb, and confused at times) I have stepped away from the 60 hour weeks and am now doing about 20 hours of basic bookkeeping. My brain just doesn't work like it did for some reason. I go to weekly therapy and monthly dr. appoinments but they don't always seem to bring me back to a positive outlook. I work from home because I don't trust myself driving. I am currently living with my parents after another incident from Feb. I just feel like I need a timeout to make my brain blank and sort of start back slowly. Thanks to you and NYpMaster for your support.
     
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