I’m sorry if I shouldn’t be posting here, or this is in the wrong place, please feel free to delete. I found out on Sunday morning that my brother has killed himself. He was 33. He wasn’t married, no children, both our parents are dead. He suffocated himself. We were estranged, we hadn’t spoken in around 5 years, although we used to be quite close. He was very sweet to me when I was younger. I don’t really know why we fell out, we didn’t have a big argument, we just stopped talking. He was like that, it’s hard to describe, he was like a dog that has been abused, everything frightened him, he used to hide away from the world, he never confronted anything. He could have had anything he wanted – he was the most intelligent person I’ve ever met, he was handsome, considerate………I don’t know what to say. He was also neurotic and moody.......and he was kind and thoughtful, he couldn’t stand cruelty in any form - I remember one time he got upset at a sitcom because one character was being “mean” to another. People tell me it hasn’t sunk in yet, and I’m still in shock, but I’m not sure. My boyf says I should get counseling. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Tbh I’m angry at my brother that he didn’t try a bit harder, that he never seemed to realise how much everyone loved him. I feel guilty for those times I was annoyed that he wasn’t being a better brother to me, when it was something stupid like I had just broken up with some douchebag boyfriend, and it never occurred to me that I also had the responsibility to be a good sister to him. (Ok, typing that sentence actually did just make me cry. It’s true. I didn’t even think of it beforehand, it just came out). Why did he do that? Why did he leave me? He could have called me or something. He was lovely. Now I miss him very badly, although I hadnt’ talked to him in so long. I want him back, I want to tell him that I love him. He was so sad all the time.