Hi folks. I've just joined this site because i'm looking for people who are going through or have been through the same thing that i'm going through just now. I'm not looking for sympathy - i'm looking for people who can tell me how i'm going to be feeling, how long it's going to last and if things will ever get better. My partner of 13 years, and father to our 9 year old daughter <mod edit - methods>himself on 8th January. I found out that he had been leading a complete double life for all these years, and now I can't grieve properly because it turns out that i've been 'the other woman' for all this time. He told me that he was divorced and that he would never leave me and that if he ever died i'd need to sort out his funeral and make all the plans. His wife and his sons are making all the arrangements and understandably they don't want me involved. He is the love of my life. I feel like I can't breathe without him. I want everything to go back to normal. I've been to see him twice in the mortuary and I felt at peace when I saw him, but now i'm never going to see him again. I can never tell him that I love him again. I don't know what to do. I can't break down because I don't want our daughter to see that i'm not coping, but I miss him so much it's an actual physical pain. Any advice would be lovely.