I've just spent eight days on an acute admissions ward having experienced some sort of meltdown. My boyfriend dumped me and it was the last straw. I was on a train to London when I started crying and shaking. The train was full and not one person said a word to me. I guess they didn't want to get involved.....ended up in at UCHL as it was the only place I could think of to go other than ...........guess a part of me thinks that I can get better/and/life is worth living. Anyway I was an 'informal' patient although when I tried to leave I was told that they would section me so I stayed. It was hell. Surrounded by deeply disturbed, chronically ill people with schizophrenia and BPD, very little sleep because of the disruption from some of the other women, place full of cigarette smoke - which I can't stand and nothing to do all day apart from wait for medication and mealtimes. Several patients thought that I was staff and I spent a lot of time talking with and helping some of them, especially the other very young first timers/acutely depressed. That was the thing that kept me going. My first time there and I'm certain my last. Back with my BF who promises that we are not back together because I am ill. Told him that I'd rather get it all over so if he is dumping me he'd better tell me, but he visited every day for the whole of visiting and told me how much he missed and loves me. Final diagnosis agitated depression which is a nightmare. Constantly anxious, depressed and with chronic pain, still very high risk of suicide but know that I cannot risk another stay in that prison ward. My question is do people get better? I've been like this for two years now with the occasional 'OK'period. I' m taking my meds and following 'the programme' but at the end of the day I am still left with my feelings. Had a furious argument with one of the psychs as I explained my belief that a person who is suffering has the right to die.....that led to an extension of my 'stay'. So stupid.