Just something

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Kenny33, May 1, 2009.

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  1. Kenny33

    Kenny33 New Member

    Hey everyone this is my first time posting.

    obviously ive been feeling out of the ordinary latley conteplating suicide for some reason and every day it gets closer and closer as i feel that its becoming more of a possible action then thought.

    Tell you a little about myself and why i have been feeling this way. Growing up i was always a great athlete had a bunch of friends As i am only 19 years old now... In highschool i was popular had a lot of friends partied a lot as i still do i get a long with everyone in my town of 70,000 people... When i turned 19 i had hit my eye on a corner of a wall in the dark of the night and busted wide open and i didnt get stiches in it come to find out my tan dark skin forms hypothnoic scars so now i have a big red spot on my eye and it will cost 800$ to fix that i cannot afford and my parents wont help me with.

    Now to go back into time a little bit the partying caught up with me and i got 5 Mips in a summer and the judge wasn't very lenilent and i had to spend 30 days in rehab and a lot of people lost respect for me when i got out my parents lost trust in me wont give me any money pay for my college take their cars this is bad they bought into this "AA" "Intervention" bullshit they beleave i have a problem when i really dont.

    Im overall good looking strong good body but now i dont even like partying with people i use to cause of my eye is so fucked up and i cant get the surgery my life could go back to normal for 800$ and a weeks worth of time hopefully. This is where it all started... facial scars , parents losing trust in me old friends losing respect for me.

    So i ask myself 1 year out of highschool going from athlete dating the homecoming queen and getting with all the cheerleaders getting good grades getting fucked up with my brothers(friends) Now 365 days later i haven't talked to a girl in months im embarssed of my eye all my friends are growing up and as im still in the party stage making new friends. failing classes at a community college not due to insufficent knoweldge due to the fact i dont even want to get out of bed in the morning i dont want to take classes with freinds because they might notice my eye. My biggest thing in life was eye to eye contact now i dont even look in the mirror at myself.

    ive been feeling pain in my jaw latley and just letting it go saying fuck it who cares my teeth are getting out of allignment and i really didnt care cause i dont plan to be living for another 2 years so now tonight my left hearing keeps going in and out.

    Repeat: 1 year i go from healthy good looking guy to Embarssed to talk to people apply for jobs cause of my eye my teeth are getting out of allignment and i dont even care

  2. samba101

    samba101 Member

    Yeah that's hard looks like your self esteem has taken a hit. Try and get a job so you can get surgery, you might want to head back to the doctor about the pain you have been having, there might be a cause for it and it's best to nip it in the bud while you first can otherwise you could have bigger problems.
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