JCC988
Many people do get all the way to rock bottom and live to recover from depression and feel better.
I think that is possible for everyone, including you.
You need more coping resources than you have right now. I don't know if that means therapy, meds, or hospitalization. But I know that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You don't get to come back from it.
Life is a gift. Your life is precious.
Please keep reaching out for help, because you are worth it.
Alice.