hello.. i've got a long history with depression and it keeps coming back for me. i went through cutting and had to go to counseling when i was in high school, but it never helped. i haven't cut for quite some time, but i do miss the relief. i'm a constantly unhappy person and i don't know what to do with myself. my boyfriend lives in another country (do not want to get into the "how did you meet" - it's not relevant) and we only see each other every few months. i'm finishing school at home so i can't move for about another year. i came home for the start of the school year after spending almost 2 weeks there. i was just so incredibly happy. i'm always sad when i get home, but it usually passes within a week. i've been home nearly three weeks. i can't get out of my depression right now. i'm crying my eyes out every day and i just hate life. i don't want to finish school. i'm ready to move now and go back to being happy. he insists that i've put too much effort into school to abandon my last year and not graduate.. and i know he's right. i'm usually very open with him, but i haven't told him how i've been lately. i don't want him to worry about me, he has enough to deal with at the moment. i just wish i could do something other than cry in bed. i get so weirdly angry when ANYBODY other than him tries to talk to me. i have had only minimal contact with my family i live with. i've completely shut myself off from the world. i know this is so trivial compared to all the other problems i could have, but i'm depressed and feeling real pain. i just want to feel better and survive the next year. i have so much to do and the future is so unclear.