just want to talk

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by ava321, Aug 27, 2013.

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  1. ava321

    ava321 Active Member

    hello.. i've got a long history with depression and it keeps coming back for me. i went through cutting and had to go to counseling when i was in high school, but it never helped. i haven't cut for quite some time, but i do miss the relief. i'm a constantly unhappy person and i don't know what to do with myself.

    my boyfriend lives in another country (do not want to get into the "how did you meet" - it's not relevant) and we only see each other every few months. i'm finishing school at home so i can't move for about another year. i came home for the start of the school year after spending almost 2 weeks there. i was just so incredibly happy. i'm always sad when i get home, but it usually passes within a week. i've been home nearly three weeks.

    i can't get out of my depression right now. i'm crying my eyes out every day and i just hate life. i don't want to finish school. i'm ready to move now and go back to being happy. he insists that i've put too much effort into school to abandon my last year and not graduate.. and i know he's right. i'm usually very open with him, but i haven't told him how i've been lately. i don't want him to worry about me, he has enough to deal with at the moment. i just wish i could do something other than cry in bed. i get so weirdly angry when ANYBODY other than him tries to talk to me. i have had only minimal contact with my family i live with. i've completely shut myself off from the world.

    i know this is so trivial compared to all the other problems i could have, but i'm depressed and feeling real pain. i just want to feel better and survive the next year. i have so much to do and the future is so unclear.
  2. gubby

    gubby Active Member

    i've been going through a lot of the same stuff. I hate talking to my family about depression because they don't need to worry and i feel like it's just awkward and that they don't understand. It's like that when I talk to anyone about it. I feel like i'm a constant cry for help. I'm bipolar so depression comes and goes. i feel like that's worse though. you don't know if and when it's going to hit. i'm so frustrated right now i can barely even type this. i wish i could see more about what life would be like for me in the future. to see if anything was worth it... i don't know... i hope we can both find some reason though...
  3. ava321

    ava321 Active Member

    i hope so. i just have no real dreams or ambitions. i hope we do find a reason for living this life..
  4. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    i've no dreams or ambitions either.

    think that's part of my problem.. how can i start to try and live, when i don't even know what it is that i want?

    i hope too, something will come to us
  5. Lost and tired

    Lost and tired Well-Known Member

    Ava youre dreams and ambitions are being taken away from you by your depression. Depression is an illness like any other, except instead of damaging the body it damages hope, happiness, ability to see things in a positive way and the ability to relate to others. Its not a fatal disease. If you had a heart problem, or stomach pains you would go to the doctor and he would treat you. Same with depression, There's no stigma in being treated for an illness.
    Hurting yourself might make you feel better but for how long? I've done a lot this year alone and its like a drug now. At first it was was brief moment of relief, now it takes more and more before I feel anything. Dont start down that road, there's no happiness at the end of it.
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    If you have chemical depression then treat it ok it is treatable with meds do it now ok call your doctor and stop being so ill when there is help for you The meds will just balance out the chemicals where they should be so you can have your dreams and hopes again
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