Last ditch attempt

[Scrappy91]

Hi,
I don't really know where to start.
I'm under so much stress right now and I can't cope anymore. I've asked for help, been ignored pretty much.

My wife is an alcoholic can be abusive more often than not. Throws me out if I don't get her booze, tells me I'm worthless and so on. I do everything all the time. It's a cycle with her she drinks and drinks untill she ends up in hospital. Comes home a couple of days later when she's all better it starts again.
I was also diagnosed with schizophrenia when I was 18 I'm nearly 27 now. I'm going through a medication change so things are all over the place.
I have a few close family members in hospital just now too.
I guess what has topped it off today was when I told my wife that I'm stressed she needs to stop treating me like crap, that it's to much, I'm contemplating suicide. She told me I was selfish. That if I left or done anything she would cut herself, which has now happened. It's all my fault.

Sorry for the rant

 

[Nick]

@Scrappy91 you are not responsible for the actions of anyone else. The only persons actions that you can control are you own. I hate when people say that how someone is feeling is selfish. I'm not sure what else to say in your situation, but know that we at SF are here to listen to you and to support you.

 

[Scrappy91]

Thanks for the reply, I feel a bit like an idoit now.
My normal thing to say to myself is there are a million people out there worse off than me, but tonight it doesn't seem to be working.

 

[Nick]

Thanks for the reply, I feel a bit like an idoit now.
My normal thing to say to myself is there are a million people out there worse off than me, but tonight it doesn't seem to be working.

First, you are not an idiot. We all struggle and I know that I tend to blame myself for a lot of things that are not my fault. There may be people worse off, I don't know the answer to that for sure, but I know that never helped me any. Hang in there and don't be afraid to reach out for support. Your thoughts and feelings are legitimate and there is nothing wrong with reaching out to others when you are having a rough time.

 

[Scrappy91]

To be totally honest the plan was to end it tonight I would have called the hospital crisis number but didn't want to be sectioned again. That would make things so much worse. Still ready to do it, but I think I have taken one step away from it. Thanks to you replying

 

[Ash600]

Glad you've taken one step away from it. There's always a solution, so keep on talking and keep on reaching out.
Just try and give yourself some space to breath, to let this moment pass away.

 

[Scrappy91]

I would love just one minute of silence but the voices just won't stop. Bit more quiet in the house now my wife has passed out drunk so no more shouting from her for a bit.
Normally when I try to talk to people I know I get told to stop. So thanks again

 

[Sassy Cat]

Hugs my ex was an alcoholic also. Just know you can not control someone else’s actions and if nothing changes they will just keep getting worse even if it does change they might still not change and get better. I like my dads way of putting its like you are on this Ferris wheel going around and around and nothing ever changing just getting worse and worse. Finally you have to get off and let that person go on without you because at a certain point unless you do something to change things life just keeps getting worse.

Coming to SF was a good first step now you have have us to help support you. It sounds like you are ready for this relationship to be over that is your choice and it sounds like it would be a healthy one for you and at a certain time you need to put yourself and your emotional health first.

I still struggle but my life is so much better without my ex. Stay strong and take care of yourself you can get through this and make the decision to want to live. Hugs stay safe

 

[Sassy Cat]

I would love just one minute of silence but the voices just won't stop. Bit more quiet in the house now my wife has passed out drunk so no more shouting from her for a bit.
Normally when I try to talk to people I know I get told to stop. So thanks again

I have to say it was always the best when my ex was passed out so sorry you are going through this.

 

[Rockclimbinggirl]

Welcome to the forum. Are there any domestic abuse resources near you? If you want you can use this to search your area http://www.hotpeachpages.net

 

[theedda]

I try to avoid telling people what they should do with the ones they are close to, but your wife genuinely sounds very much outright abusive. I would seriously consider leaving and getting help from either the authorities or people close to you. Being an alcoholic and engaging in self-harm are genuine issues that people unfortunately deal with, but they don't excuse holding someone hostage the way your wife does with you, and using those issues to lord over you. You are not selfish, and it was not your fault. You need to care about yourself first.

 

[Scrappy91]

Thank you all for your replies. I love her so much I don't know what to do. If I leave and something happens how do I live with the guilt?

 

[Sassy Cat]

The thing is it would not be your fault you are not responsible for another persons actions they are. You can only be responsible for your own actions.

 

[may71]

Sorry to hear that you are going through this Scrappy.

I might be able to make some recommendations, but I'd like check first that advice is something that you want