I am so ashamed, I drank a hell of a lot of straight vodka, phoned a friend, told her to come over, told her I wanted to die and that she should kill me, texted my best friend telling him I was drunk, then posted on facebook about how Id genuinely considered suicide but downed alcohol instead. I was drunk and subconciously I guess I wanted people to know how I was feeling, but I had never planned on telling anyone, but I was so smashed that I had no idea what I was saying. I dont actually intend on ending my life, sometimes its tempting but in reality I DONT want to die. But when I was drunk I guess I wanted someone to know I d been thinking about it every single day for years and making plans. I just feel like an idiot now and dont know how to face my friends, they seem really awkward around me, understandably. I am normally a very sensible person, I d never drunk alcohol before and I was hoping itd allow me to forget a few things, but unfortunately it did not have the effect I intended. Now everyone thinks I am an attention seeker and thats quite embarressing. I did not drink it for attention, when I was smashed I did want attention, but then who doesnt want to be noticed subconciously? I just hope someone I know reads this. And confronts me.