Life feels too hard

[StressedSlug]

I feel like I've grown very weak and adverse to anything difficult. I know what I need to do to improve my life but I feel too scared to commit to those things. I often feel exhausted and I can't understand how others are so hardworking and dedicated. I'm sick of feeling overwhelmed and trapped. I don't understand what to do to make myself take the next steps in life. My life is easy, but it feels so hard everyday. I'm really embarrassed that I struggle so much for some invisible reason. It makes me think that I am just a dud. I have a lot of trouble with being independent and I think I might just be screwed forever. I'm treated like an idiot by everyone because I'm always stumbling over myself and I can't conduct myself like I should. I can't connect with people my age and older adults wear their kid gloves with me. It's at this point that I feel the years of isolation and stagnation catching up with me. I think my brain has atrophied in important areas because I didn't use them for a long time. It's hard to convey this over a message board where I can review and edit everything I say. Sometimes I think I might have a cognitive impairment but I understand that my symptoms can also be explained by other mental illnesses or environmental factors. Ive gotten treatment for depression, anxiety, OCD, DDD, and CPTSD in the past 6 years. I keep waiting for any of it to make sense but I'm still a mystery to myself. I think "why am I like this" "why am I doing this" "why do I feel like this" 'Why do I want this" "why don't I understand this" and there never seems to be any answers. When I look at myself I see an adult child and I feel repulsed. The world doesn't make sense to me and I always feel like I'm missing something. I don't know how to bring myself out of this. Even though I live in my head, my brain feels like a closed off place that I don't truly have any control over. I wake up and "I think I can't do this, I can't do this"

 

[another world]

Could you be neurodivergent? Well things like CPTSD are effectively a form of acquired neurodivergence, but besides that could you have ADHD or autism or something? I'm also aware that these diagnoses aren't "perfect" and may be revised in various ways in years to come

 

[Sarha10777]

your not alone hun. felt the same all my life, stay strong , i see from your message you are very intelligent, you may be neurodivergent, xx

 

[StressedSlug]

Could you be neurodivergent? Well things like CPTSD are effectively a form of acquired neurodivergence, but besides that could you have ADHD or autism or something? I'm also aware that these diagnoses aren't "perfect" and may be revised in various ways in years to come

I’ve never really thought about my situation in terms of “acquired neurodivergence” but I agree. I sometimes forget what it really means to deal with cPTSD and the monumental hurdles I have now. I think part of the reason I have trouble accepting it is that outside observers don't see my history as bad enough to give me - if I can call it this- brain damage. But yeah, it feels like I have brain damage. I guess I'm going to keep trying even though most days it feels like I can't get any better.

I don't think I'm autistic. I think cPTSD has made me develop similar struggles to autism, but it still means life is pretty hard day to day.

 

[another world]

I’ve never really thought about my situation in terms of “acquired neurodivergence” but I agree. I sometimes forget what it really means to deal with cPTSD and the monumental hurdles I have now. I think part of the reason I have trouble accepting it is that outside observers don't see my history as bad enough to give me - if I can call it this- brain damage. But yeah, it feels like I have brain damage. I guess I'm going to keep trying even though most days it feels like I can't get any better.

I don't think I'm autistic. I think cPTSD has made me develop similar struggles to autism, but it still means life is pretty hard day to day.

I saw a TED talk about PTSD which described it as a rewiring of the brain, I think, which might be more helpful than thinking of it as brain damage. Brains remain significantly flexible throughout their lifetime, so even PTSD- or cPTSd-rewired brains can change for the better in some ways, I believe.

Good point. Do you have any sensitivities to certain noises, environments, types of clothing or clothing labels?

 

[buka]

I feel the same way. So you're not alone.

I constantly feel like others are handling difficulties so much better, while I can't cope with my easy life. Everyone else manages to do so much more than me, and so much better. These thoughts are disarming.

But we all have different reserves of strength. It's not your fault that you don't have as much as someone else. I understand it's hard to stop thinking negatively. I think negatively myself. But I just want to say that none of this is your fault. You just are who you are.

 

[StressedSlug]

I feel the same way. So you're not alone.

I constantly feel like others are handling difficulties so much better, while I can't cope with my easy life. Everyone else manages to do so much more than me, and so much better. These thoughts are disarming.

But we all have different reserves of strength. It's not your fault that you don't have as much as someone else. I understand it's hard to stop thinking negatively. I think negatively myself. But I just want to say that none of this is your fault. You just are who you are.

Thank you. After this post I did some thinking and reflecting