LIfe gets Better and heres the facts

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jon00, Sep 2, 2008.

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  1. jon00

    jon00 New Member

    Well it's a funny old world we live in. Told this and That by so many people we begin to believe snippets that filter their way through the mouths of people telling us they care...

    I'm so far a head of my self it's like villains monologue.

    I'll start at the beging. I was born like so many children to parents. two of them one male and one female I grew up for a time in Cambridge had a few friends liked school was one of those kids with rosey cheeks... but and you guessed it things changed. I moved off to the land of cheshire where my accent alone offered the bullies fresh reasons to find a new punch bag. THis of course went on for years slowly eroding my faith in humanity or what ever faith i had scrounged off the back of a wheatabix packet at least. until lo my life got better. Yes I know it's the title and I am well with in my right to shoot from begining of life to 15 if i so choose, think "it's my story and i'll fly if i want to".

    Things did get better, I had a few friends mostly the other kids the bullies stopped punching to take a few throws at me gratefull as they were we gotalong. I even got a girlfriend. Fiona not an oilpainting but a vision the greats could never imortalise. Things werent good. Still bullied no money and i really hated school but i had found my upside. so ladies and gentle men of the press life does change... more i hear you cry oh well I suppose i can indulge you a little more you adoring readers you.

    I did it I fainaly did it! that was my cry when i scrapped my Alevels to a shape where I could go to uni. I mean I had done it. Girl who i was planning on proposing to at this point and my ticket out of the hell hole cheshire. Lincoln bound i started my media production course. THe parties.... that i read about were wonderfull never got invited but lets face it this is a life gets better stroy not a zero to hero flic.

    more... you hungry beasts... wait... that's it. I mean of course i grew older i mean don't we all but that was really it...FIona Died in a car accident. I didn't even get to her in time to say good bye. THe seperation of us two when we went to Uni tore us both apart the last 6 months were miserable for both of. Mind you i still had a pulse but lets face it she beat me there by a mile. The friends left just vanished never returning calls or letters. didn't even come to the funeral. Her family hated me so i lost her like hse never existed... but what HO university well i threw my self whole heartedly into it not wasting a moment. My second year now and the hard work was paying off. I was set to get a First for my third year. no one knew me of course family gone now (that one i will keep a seceret i mean who knows if i can pull a sequel to this) I was alone with my hollow victory. But hey a goal is a goal right... until of course you get testicuar cancer in the second half of your third year. that does put a crimp on things. But i went back I mean hey whats a testical when your off to get a degree right... and you know what I was all set until i was beaten and left for dead by thugs just out to inflict pain. well you only get two tries. i got my certificate of higher education the perverbual wooden spoon of achievments and went home. alone of course
    Fell in love again. Oh she was so beatiful. Oh crap i went and used past tense totally gave the game away well yeah you guessed it she's gone. She was raped and wouldn't let me any where near her. no man can even talk to her now i hear she's so bad. Greatest love of my life after Fiona and that wasn't a peach at the end anyway. Oh but i hooked up oh yes. very specail lady.

    I can't remember her name though. Drugs do that see she slipped me something used me in ways i'm sure the internet knows and left me at the side of the road. Fun huh.

    BUT wait theres more! bankrupcy lungcancer and am totally alone..

    but then a light a shinning beacon in the dark.. no wait that's Suicide forum and we all know that helps right? wrong. For the first time in years i have somoen to talk to some people i might trust even a woman who seems to be interested in me and Then some little 16 year old who loves to cause trouble has be booted off because the girl who likes me tells him she likes him to and well being 16 he thinks he has the right to do what he pleases. and i get barred. and you guessed it there is more the litle kid who had me kicked off actually mocked my fiances death causing me to try and kill my self and he wasn't banned.

    But I am. SO life gets better folks ... because it will end. and you are so right in guessing I wont be here long enough to read the comments you leave..

    Don't trust SF lets face it it's run by crazy people?

    Take care or don't it's your choice
    I know it was mine

    John
     
  2. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    Your language makes me question your story and some of the things mentioned are a bit too far fetched.
     
  3. Datsik

    Datsik Forum Buddy

    First of all, I do NOT love to cause to trouble. You see, I never really "mocked" the death of your fiance. You're the one who got it all wrong. I still have the chat log, and all I said was that I bet you never even had a girlfriend. How the hell would I know what you've been through anyway? Maybe it's because I didn't know? And just because I said the I bet you never had a girlfriend, that doesn't mean that I was "mocking" your fiance. And don't you know that you have triggered me too as well? By saying stuff like you will teach me romance, and that my date wasn't considered a real date? And when you PM 'd me in chat, and started making me feel guilty and stuff.

    And, oh, you like to cyber in chat. Wait, at least that's what I've been told.

    And how did I get you banned? Like, do I have authority? For hell's sake, you will be back tonight. They banned you for 24 hours only.
     
  4. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    Try and keep it civil, guys :grouphug:
     
  5. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    Jon I don't know what the hell you're talking about. Your post is comprised of very bizarre prose. I saw no "facts" that would apply to anyone but you.

    I'm sorry mate. I just don't understand your post or its point

    John
     
  6. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    There really isn't any single set of rules that govern life. There are as many different aspects of life as there are opinions and when you break it all down it's about you and your actions more than anything else. That can be wonderful and that can be horrible. Some people find light in even the most hopeless of situations while others magnify even the smallest of shadows. Life itself is vast, infinite, too often people shortchange themselves by avoiding it as something to be feared, something that is already predestined for melancholia and sadness when in truth our realities are shaped by our perception and life is little more than one big mirror.
     
  7. ZundertowZ

    ZundertowZ Well-Known Member

    a bit 8th grade if u ask me!
     
  8. Clearis

    Clearis New Member

    Your post is too incoherent to understand logically.
     
  9. monkeypunchluff

    monkeypunchluff Well-Known Member

    *Pat pat*

    I hope you feel better Jon. And you damn well better come back to chat!

    As for the banning, I wasn't there/aware, so I don't know the details. I only know that you made some comments in a PM that were unwelcome; you continued these pms until the point where the person(s) felt harassed. It is my understanding this is the reason for your 24 hour ban, not that you and Elie got into a tiff. With all you've experienced in life, please don't let someone push your buttons - it usually ends badly. I do agree, that if Elie slurred Fiona in any way, he should apologize. I don't have the chat logs, so I don't know if it was an honest misunderstanding, or what.

    Again, I hope you move past this, and rejoin us in chat.

    PC Bro.
     
  10. Angel_Dawn

    Angel_Dawn Well-Known Member

    I care about you, always did, always will. You choose to believe or not to believe, but you know there are good people left in this world. You don't want to get hurt so you push people away. :( I really really wish you all the best and I am still here if you ever decide to talk with me again.

    *hugs*

    Aurora Dawn
     
  11. DrowningInTears

    DrowningInTears Well-Known Member

    Life doestnt get better it gets more horrific more terrifying more unbearable. i hate myself more and more everay day
     
  12. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    Now there's a fine piece of positive authorship. Very insightful. I can't let that one pass. Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, in his first published book over 30 years ago said, we are the sum total of the choices we have made up to now in our lives. And that's pretty close to you just ochoed, Reki..

    Ah-ahem. And this my friends is called a negative self-affirmation.
    ...just couldn't put it worse myself.

    John
     
  13. DrowningInTears

    DrowningInTears Well-Known Member

    john wat u trying to say just say wat u really think of me say how im a useless demented subhuman abomination that should be beaten and shot in teh face
     
  14. Aleth

    Aleth Well-Known Member

    That is not always true. It does not account for events and circumstances beyond your control, and a lack of ability in certain areas which necessarily deny you a wide range of choices.

    The statement implies that all people have equal opportunity in life, and those who succeed are therefore necessarily superior to those who don't. In other words, "you are to blame for all of your problems."

    I know the statement is meant to be one of empowerment, but when thrown at people who are suicidal it can easily be taken as harsh criticism.
     
  15. patacake

    patacake Well-Known Member

    Miss u Jon ,

    I really hope that some way soon u return to chat or at least to msn.

    You are in my thoughts , I sure hope u are safe. :mellow:

    Jo x

    :hug:
     
  16. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    God.

    I have never seen such degree of self-loathing -I swear- in my entire life.

    What in the HELL brought this on? Or dare I ask?

    Well my response to you is :hug:

    John
     
  17. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    Look--why don't PM me so I can get to know you. I know about you and with no history, I can offer no help nor understand the roots of your pain.
     
  18. DrowningInTears

    DrowningInTears Well-Known Member

    wat braought it on? well if society treats me like i am worthless and its ok to abuse and torment me, then it must be
     
  19. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Why do you think so poorly of yourself DIT? If you have any hope in getting better, you have to start loving yourself, no matter what your limitations might be. :hug:
     
  20. DrowningInTears

    DrowningInTears Well-Known Member

    ther is no hope i tried to pull out of this rut but everybody craps in my face
     
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