I get how some people might view this.
"Oh shit, a serial troublemaker has come back, and brought all her issues back with her, better gird your loins for some unhinged nonsense."
But seriously, i'm better now.
Different.
Calmer.
Dealing with new stuff, but far better stuff than how i was before i left.
I'm a much stronger, more emotionally open person now, and infinitely happier as a result.
Just learning how to be happy after so many years of misery.
It's weird, and it's intense, and it's so emotionally vulnerable.
Like seriously, i'm meant to just be this vulnerable all the time?
Like, with everyone who earned their way into my inner circle?
But despite that all, i finally am happy.
And way less existentially afraid than i was last time i was here.
I had to leave before because i felt so threatened and afraid, all the time.
Any kind of further risk just felt like some world-ending danger to my existence, and i took it all way too personally.
And even just being here felt like too much.
Was why i left last time, i got very frustrated that the staff weren't willing to silence everyone who differed from me politically, which i realise now was such a stupid attitude for me to take.
At the time, i was very deep in the "my people are dying in droves, the suicide rate is such and such, x people want to kill us all, how am i meant to be at peace knowing someone might stab me to death tomorrow for refusing to pretend i'm a man any more?"
I get why i was like that, but i've chilled out a lot
Cos hey, it turns out that as messy as the world is, most people actually aren't out to end my life, and are actually nicer to me as the woman i am, than as the man that hated existing within his own skin that i used to be, what a concept.
I was getting unreasonably heated and upset over stupid shit that didn't matter back then.
And i fully appreciate what a tiresome person that made me to deal with.
Hell, i got that even when i was that person.
But if people will give me the grace for it, i'd love one more chance to be the calmer, better person i know i can be now i'm actually finding peace with myself.
And i'd love to be able to talk to people here about the stuff going on my my life, cos good lord has a lot happened since i last fucked off
"Oh shit, a serial troublemaker has come back, and brought all her issues back with her, better gird your loins for some unhinged nonsense."
But seriously, i'm better now.
Different.
Calmer.
Dealing with new stuff, but far better stuff than how i was before i left.
I'm a much stronger, more emotionally open person now, and infinitely happier as a result.
Just learning how to be happy after so many years of misery.
It's weird, and it's intense, and it's so emotionally vulnerable.
Like seriously, i'm meant to just be this vulnerable all the time?
Like, with everyone who earned their way into my inner circle?
But despite that all, i finally am happy.
And way less existentially afraid than i was last time i was here.
I had to leave before because i felt so threatened and afraid, all the time.
Any kind of further risk just felt like some world-ending danger to my existence, and i took it all way too personally.
And even just being here felt like too much.
Was why i left last time, i got very frustrated that the staff weren't willing to silence everyone who differed from me politically, which i realise now was such a stupid attitude for me to take.
At the time, i was very deep in the "my people are dying in droves, the suicide rate is such and such, x people want to kill us all, how am i meant to be at peace knowing someone might stab me to death tomorrow for refusing to pretend i'm a man any more?"
I get why i was like that, but i've chilled out a lot
Cos hey, it turns out that as messy as the world is, most people actually aren't out to end my life, and are actually nicer to me as the woman i am, than as the man that hated existing within his own skin that i used to be, what a concept.
I was getting unreasonably heated and upset over stupid shit that didn't matter back then.
And i fully appreciate what a tiresome person that made me to deal with.
Hell, i got that even when i was that person.
But if people will give me the grace for it, i'd love one more chance to be the calmer, better person i know i can be now i'm actually finding peace with myself.
And i'd love to be able to talk to people here about the stuff going on my my life, cos good lord has a lot happened since i last fucked off
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(the popcorn is meant as an "I'm listening" emoji, not a sarcastic popcorn emoji like when two ppl I disagree with are both feuding with each other.)
), then i met the love of my life, who did so much to save me from it all, now i'm disgustingly happy in general, and for a while, after leading an accidental insurrection, i was in charge of roughly 40 furries who did not get what is required to form a real sense of community. It was such a clusterfuck. 
