Loneliness is literally killing me...

[may71]

Yeah, the other two things got a perfect score, you'd think the boss would notice that part too, right?

A lot depends on what the boss is looking for. I think usually what they are looking for is for some reassurance that things will be better in the future.

An answer that highlights what a good job you did, but indicates that things will be even better in the future may go over the best. So maybe something like

"Quality control got a score of 14 out of 17 because it didn't include a budget for quality control, which was not requested. In the future, I'll include a budget for quality control even if one is not requested. If I had included a budget for quality control, we would have had perfect scores in all three areas for which I'm responsible, and our rank would have improved from 7th place to 5th."

It's a way to remind the boss that you weren't responsible and that even if you had perfect scores it wouldn't have mattered, but without saying those things outright.

 

[painfully]

In other past I got straight 10 out of 10 in everything, and others with very high grades, so its not like the track record is bad... In fact, for the past around 10 projects, we won I think 8-9. But I feel that Im unfairly scrutinized.... It would be even worse if I didnt find ChatGPT and still got bad grades like at the start...

Also the boss doesnt talk to me directly. I heard about this because I passed by my coworker and he was talking with the boss in the phone about this. And then I asked the coworker, and he told me this, that the boss wanted to know why we didnt get those 3 points in that specific thing.

 

[may71]

In other past I got straight 10 out of 10 in everything, and others with very high grades, so its not like the track record is bad

I wish they'd give you more credit for this.

And then I asked the coworker, and he told me this, that the boss wanted to know why we didnt get those 3 points in that specific thing.

Does that mean that the boss hasn't formally asked and that you're not (yet at least) required to give an answer?

 

[painfully]

Does that mean that the boss hasn't formally asked and that you're not (yet at least) required to give an answer?

I was not asked anything and I dont think he will ever tell me anything, we never talk... But I have the feeling that he only gets bad news from my work...

---

I talked to a girl from a suicide forum (another one) who was from Spain but from the other side of the country... After two weeks of talking, she told me she had planned to come to Barcelona... so we met up. She said she wanted to see the sea and the Sagrada Família. I couldn’t think of where to meet, but in the end I remembered a beach where supposedly there weren’t many people.

I drove her there and we stayed from 11:30 to 15:00 sitting in the car talking. Well, the first half hour we spent walking along the beach path, and then we stayed in the car. The parking area is very close to the water, and I was able to park facing the sea, so the view was good. It was windy and cloudy. It was actually pretty comfortable being there, sheltered inside the car, comfortable in the seat, with the good view and the breeze, it was the best combination of being both inside and outside.

During all that time talking, a couple of times I asked her if I could hold her hand, but she didn’t want to, so nothing happened. There was no love or intimacy or anything, it was just talking, although I guess some affection would have been nice for me, but well...

She already has a date planned for her suicide, and it’s very soon... I tried several times to talk to her about it, but she’s absolutely not going to change her mind... In general I think it went well and that she had a good time, because I asked her several times too...

In the end I drove her back to the hostel where she was staying, and we won’t see each other again... It makes me sad that she’s going to kill herself, and it’s frustrating...

 

[may71]

I'm glad you had a good date. I'm sorry she's planning to kill herself though.

Most of the time people either back out of the attempt or the attempt fails, so she probably won't die soon even if she plans to.

I hope there's also a way to convince her not to make an attempt, but if someone has really made up their mind it can be hard to try to talk them out of it without irritating them.

 

[painfully]

She has her mind really set up. She backed out in the past, but her way of setting dates is not like mine... I mean, she decides without feeling pain, just apathy. When I think about killing myself is because Im suffering a lot, so when Im "better", I think about it less.

Also, I dont think it counts as a "date". In spain the word "date" implies romantic stuff, for friends is "hanging out".

Also also, this is the only time I have ever "dated" or hanged out with anybody, in my 36 years.. I have my interest set in a girl from the autism asociation where I go, but if it doesnt work, Im back to where I was before. Having no one and nowhere to try. Also I have to stop going to the association cause its far and cause I dont really care about it. ITs very small, and I already met everybody... And tbh Im not sure about this girl either...

I dont feel as sad as usually because Im mentally collapsed. I only went 2 days for 2 hours this week, but its like 1 hour to go and another to come back, and all that collapses me and I need to rest... But its not like Im not sad cause Im better...

 

[Lifeisthis]

Hey hope all is well

 

[may71]

Also, I dont think it counts as a "date". In spain the word "date" implies romantic stuff, for friends is "hanging out".

Well, it was kind of like a date at least.

I have my interest set in a girl from the autism asociation

I hope things will work out.

 

[painfully]

We hung out again, near the same spot. I tried finding other stuff in google maps, but barcelona is just full of ppl and cars and everything... So we went to the same beach, but it was sunny and hot, so we ended parking under a tree without the beach view. Again, we just sat there, talking for hours, from 15:40 to 19:00, then I took her to the airport and she went away.

Again, without affection or any kind of intimacy, just talking about our stuff.

She wants to kill herself in 6 days, in 18 of this month. I tried to talk to her about it, but she is very decided...

 

[may71]

She wants to kill herself in 6 days, in 18 of this month. I tried to talk to her about it, but she is very decided...

Maybe you could direct her here? Or to Samaritans?

 

[painfully]

She doesnt care about this...

In the association there was a girl I was interested in... She only goes wednesdays and thursdays, so I have only seen her 3 times. I added her to whatsapp and tried to talk to her. THe first day was regular... The second day, today... She said she doesnt like to talk in whatsapp... So I was annoying her... I thought of maybe asking her to hang out somewhere, but... I doubt she will say yes...

I liked her and its rare that I like somebody, much less in real life "near"... But I doubt she wants anything to do with me... And I just want to cry... Im a pathetic loser...

 

[Aurelia]

She doesnt care about this...

In the association there was a girl I was interested in... She only goes wednesdays and thursdays, so I have only seen her 3 times. I added her to whatsapp and tried to talk to her. THe first day was regular... The second day, today... She said she doesnt like to talk in whatsapp... So I was annoying her... I thought of maybe asking her to hang out somewhere, but... I doubt she will say yes...

I liked her and its rare that I like somebody, much less in real life "near"... But I doubt she wants anything to do with me... And I just want to cry... Im a pathetic loser...

I think you have a very fervent personality, which is beautiful and rare. I see only positive things in you.

 

[may71]

She said she doesnt like to talk in whatsapp

I don't like whatsapp either. It doesn't necessarily mean anything that she doesn't want to talk via whatsapp.

 

[painfully]

She didnt give an alternative or make any effort to clarify she would like to meet in person... I could ask her if she wants to meet, but I doubt she would want... Andim very sad to make that effort.... I suppose I will do it eventually... But if she says no, Ill just stop going to the association...

it should be today saturday the day I ask...

 

[may71]

We hung out again

Does it help at all that you were able to find a woman who was willing to spend some time with you? I wonder if that at least could give you some hope.

 

[painfully]

it doesnt give me any hope...

and lately i have been returning having my mind less occupied and thus feeling the same and pain again... the next 2 days ill go to the autism association, try to see how it goes with the girl there.. and if it doesnt go well ill just stop going...

 

[may71]

I hope goes well with her

 

[painfully]

the suicidal girl and the girl from the association are not the same

the suicidal girl wanted to kill herself 2 days ago. she said she didnt cause she didnt have a chance but she still wants to do it

 

[painfully]

I went to the association and left 30 min early... Its 2 hours, 2 days a week...

The girl didnt even look at me, no interest at all... Not even hi... Its a single room with 8 people. She talked with others, although its cause she was talked to first, specially the boss which is the one who makes most interactions... But still... Not even look at me...

I just want to cry... I feel so stupid for thinking someone could be interested in me...

 

[may71]

the suicidal girl and the girl from the association are not the same

Oh yeah, I know.

the suicidal girl wanted to kill herself 2 days ago. she said she didnt cause she didnt have a chance but she still wants to do it

I'm glad she's still alive.

A lot of people want to kill themselves, but they either change their minds or the attempt doesn't kill them. Maybe she'll survive and you'll be able to keep seeing each other.

Since she's still alive, maybe she'd like to see you again.