Loneliness is literally killing me...

[Lara_C]

But it is about the kind of women, and also how you approach them (imo). I think it could be true that those who don't suffer from deep depression as you do think a romantic relationship with someone with a lack of self acceptance and self esteem would make them feel trapped because it would require them to give much more than they are able . No-one can really give those things to someone who lacks it, as they come from within. Women who are as depressed as you are also not likely to have the ability to give you the loving relationship you want either imo.

The pain is terrible, I know, but to be honest, I feel like you are looking in the wrong direction for help. You aren't intrinsically weak or unsuitable boyfriend material but you are very very depressed , which is sabotaging your efforts to form happy relationships. Confidence and self assurance are probably two of the most desirable qualities many people want in a partner.

I see someone who is very intelligent and empathic , which are very desirable qualities in a partner, but you have a self sabotaging 'program' running in the background which undermines your confidence and prevents you from developing the interests/ qualities which I think would increase your chances of success in the dating stakes.

Have you considered therapy or other professional help?

Again, just my opinion.

 

[painfully]

there is no therapy and there is change. this is me and nobody wants me. everyone tells me again and agian to change and be a different person and im so tired of it. if im not wanted then so be it

and you use those words so lighly. almost nobody in the world is going to change. and therapy is useless. you just described in detail why im not wanted and gave me the reason

so i should just give up and fucking die. if i wasnt a coward i would already be dead but from the endless list of defects im also a fucking coward

 

[Lara_C]

there is no therapy and there is change. this is me and nobody wants me. everyone tells me again and agian to change and be a different person and im so tired of it. if im not wanted then so be it

and you use those words so lighly. almost nobody in the world is going to change. and therapy is useless. you just described in detail why im not wanted and gave me the reason

Hey, slow down @painfully ! Depression isn't "you" and nobody is telling you to be a different person. That's not really possible, but depression and the negative self sabotaging thoughts can be treated.

so i should just give up and fucking die. if i wasnt a coward i would already be dead but from the endless list of defects im also a fucking coward

There you go again. You are not defective, you're just depressed . And that is a treatable illness, which attacks a person's very beliefs about themselves, not a character defect. I really hope you will reconsider professional help at this point.

 

[painfully]

i have been depressed all my life. you dont get it, its not an attachtment. i dont care about anything, i dont have any interests. there is not a me interested in something. there is not a me traveling or idk what else

not only depression is me, but also, being so weak and needy is me. there is not a confident me.

and it also hurts when im told i need to change. not only it is impossible, but its also telling me that im unlovable and THE ONLY alternative is that i have to be different, WHICH IS IMPOSSIBLE

 

[Lara_C]

not only depression is me, but also, being so weak and needy is me. there is not a confident me.

I think nearly all of us misidentifies our very self with the depression, or rather the negative self referential thoughts depression causes. Yet, with the right medication and /or therapy we can and do recover from this terrible life limiting illness.

and it also hurts when im told i need to change. not only it is impossible, but its also telling me that im unlovable and THE ONLY alternative is that i have to be different, WHICH IS IMPOSSIBLE

You are not inherently unloveable @painfully and I'm sure there are people out there and in your life who can or could 'see' you underneath your depression but depression really is an illness, not a truth about your character, and it is also treatable with the right professional help. I don't think a romantic relationship can really substitute for that. Have you ever discussed how you feel with your doctor?

 

[painfully]

ok, im not my depression. it still comes with me and its not going to change. and even without depression im still not wanted because im tired of saying that i get rejected due to being weak and needy most of the times. some of the times because of depression.

nobody sees "underneath" my depression or whatever i am, so im unlovable. nobody wants me. im tired of trying.

this post made me hurt. a girl that talked to a guy and abandoned her and she still remembers him and rereads all their old conversation. nobody will ever miss me like that:
https://www.reddit.com/r/venting/comments/1u9glke
i have also read other posts... like an insecure 22 yo guy that found a 22 yo girl that wants him and he is suffering cause hes insecure... but you know, she wants him so its all ok and will end well.

meanwhile nobody wants me... im completely alone...

 

[painfully]

i read so many times about women loving their husbands and bfs... and it hurts so much to read. this pain of loneliness is unbearable... nobody wants me...

 

[painfully]

Im so fucking tired of people telling me to "seek therapy" or "fix myself first". Do you even know what you are saying? I dont think I can be healed, and much less healed ALONE if my main source of pain is the loneliness. "fix myself first" literally means that either I am unlovable or that I have no right to be with anyone and I deserve to be alone.

I already tried therapy many times and a lot of medication. Nothing worked. Im tired. You say to seek therapy so easily, like, I could just flick my fingers and Im in. It costs a lot of money. BUt its not just the money, is finding someone competent who cares, not useless shits like I have talked to mostly. And the competent ones couldnt even help me either.

Im so tired and this is so demeaning and insulting. You are not hte only one who told me this. In reddit, every time I post, its always the same fucking song. But the "seek therapy first before attempting to meet anyone" is what hurts the most.

 

[Lara_C]

. "fix myself first" literally means that either I am unlovable or that I have no right to be with anyone and I deserve to be alone.

Suggesting someone who is suicidally depressed try therapy and medication doesn't mean anyone thinks you are unloveable or deserve the pain of not having a loving relationship. It means only that your depression could be affecting your chances of forming a lasting relationship with someone who is able to meet your needs, which may be affected by your depression. Your lack of success in the dating stakes is not evidence that you are unloveable , but could simply mean that the way you approach things isn't working.

I've been reading your backstory and I see that you have received suggestions and have rejected all or most of these, saying that your lack of success is because you are weak and unloveable rather than anything to do with your untreated depression, your dating strategy, or the kind of women you engage.

You are free to discard any suggestions you don't find helpful @painfully but there is certainly no intent to hurt, insult or demean you in any way. We all know the pain you feel is real and nobody thinks you deserve it.

I'm sorry nothing so far suggested has helped. I hope things change for the better soon.

 

[painfully]

Im being told a lot to "seek therapy before I try a relationship" with that full intention of meaning that im unlovable...

The suggestions... I mean, I probably explained why most all dont work or maybe I already tried some... Just because someone has a suggestion doesnt mean its good and going to work..

There is a cashier that is kinda cute near here. I was thinking on asking her out, but idk how. I dont have any info about her. Maybe shes very extroverted. And also I dont know where I would take here so that she doesnt get the wrong idea about me. Like, for example, I brought her to a restaurant, she would expect that I would do that often... Also, since shes kinda cute, maybe she already has a bf... Idk what to do..

 

[Lara_C]

There is a cashier that is kinda cute near here. I was thinking on asking her out, but idk how. I dont have any info about her

Glad you're directing your attention to someone in ' real life' instead of the internet but don't give up if this particular opportunity doesn't work out as you hope. It's a good opportunity to practice and learn. I am wondering if you've spoken to her yet? I think that's the first step. Id say strike up friendly short conversations and if she responds favourably, let things develop naturally instead of rushing in and asking her for a date right away. As for what to do on a date, what would you like to do? It's important it's something you would enjoy but before asking her out, try to find out the sort of things she likes doing too.

 

[painfully]

I havent spoken to her, cause I think shes normal.... It seems that you ignored what I said. Im not compatible with most people and I dont have any info about her. You are telling me to pretend to be normal by taking her to sites she likes and do things she might like, even if i dont like them. Basically, I have to be the one who suffers always... That would make for a very shitty relationship... The first step is to know if we are even remotely compatible If I pretend to be normal, it will be much more painful when the truth becomes known.

Also, not sure how to strike "natural conversations" with a supermarket cashier that I have contact with about 10 seconds once or twice per week, with people waiting behind me... And that she might get reassigned to another supermarket never to be seen again at any moment...

I dont know why ppl are so set in this game of pretending and lying... I hate it. I dont want to be with someone whom I have to lie and pretend im a different person.

 

[nobodylovesme]

I am lonely, 26 years old female, live in the US i have no one no friends no relationships, I have anxiety. I hate my life and i want to end it all.

 

[painfully]

I am lonely, 26 years old female, live in the US i have no one no friends no relationships, I have anxiety. I hate my life and i want to end it all.

hey... emm... not sure what to say. but since you posted in my post. hi, welcome to this forum.
tbh i understand how you feel...

 

[Lara_C]

I havent spoken to her, cause I think shes normal.... It seems that you ignored what I said. Im not compatible with most people and I dont have any info about her. You are telling me to pretend to be normal by taking her to sites she likes and do things she might like, even if i dont like them. Basically, I have to be the one who suffers always... That would make for a very shitty relationship...

I'm sorry - I thought you were considering asking her out and where you could take her on a date. I suggested trying to have some short friendly conversations with her first instead of just asking her for a date out of the blue, and doing something both you and she enjoyed on a date. I do appreciate it could be difficult to get into a conversation with her where she works.

Anyway, I hope things get better for you soon.

 

[painfully]

Yes, I was considering asking her out and I described the problems I have. As I said, I cant really talk to her beforehand asking her out. But even if she said, yes, I dont know where to take her. Again, I dont like going out, much less restaurants and sites with people. If I take her to a site like that, she might think I like that stuff and expect more.

 

[Lara_C]

I appreciate the issues you have which restrict your chances of meeting and dating people, but I wish you didn't conclude that your lack of success so far is because you are unloveable rather than due to these restrictions. Finding someone we are well suited to isn't easy anyway and usually means dating quite a few until the right person comes along.

 

[painfully]

so, months ago i saw a post in suicidewatch, in reddit. i have read hundreds of them and well, when i see someone that i relate to, i try to message them. anyway, there was a 15 year old girl. i saw her post and it was painful and i didnt message her... then she posted several other times until i could no longer just not say anything. i just sent one single message, i told her that im a 36 yo guy and we cant really talk, but that i did read her posts and that if it wasnt for the age, i would have no problems talking to her, since she was lonely and said nobody wanted her. she said thank you, and that was that...

now i receive a message from that account and it says its his father and she passed away... and it made me cry and feel guilty too.. maybe i should have talked to her... but then, it would be wrong... and its not like i can just talk to people friendly and nothing, it takes tons of effort and ig et nothing in return ,thats why i dont have friends... sadly what i need is affection and deep connection... and thats why i didnt try to talk to her... but i still feel guilty...

 

[painfully]

this seems related with my last message but it isnt, its just the plain old shit...

i saw a reddit for age gap relationships and it just made me cry... young girls of around 20-25 with guys of 35-45 or more... and you can clearly see its not for the money, many pics arent in "money" places...
nobody wants me, not young girls, not even my age... of course... everybody else is wanted, but im the shittiest thing in the world... i dont deserve anything. i just deserve to suffer and eventually kill myself...

at least this 15 yo girl i talked in my previous message doenst have to suffer anymore... she had the courage to do it... unlike the shit coward i am.... massive respect for her...

 

[Lara_C]

at least this 15 yo girl i talked in my previous message doenst have to suffer anymore... she had the courage to do it... unlike the shit coward i am.... massive respect for her...

It's a complete tragedy that she took her own life feeling unloved and unwanted . And I don't agree that suicide is a courageous act. (Nor is it cowardly , as some believe). Depression is an illness affecting brain function which can become life threatening without treatment and there is evidence from people who have survived attempts that the brain goes into a trance like state in which the fear of death is temporarily suppressed, only to revive when death seems imminent .

Just wondering if you've ever told a professional about your suicidal thoughts? Or anyone offline, like a family member ?