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Loneliness is literally killing me...

painfully

Well-Known Member
maybe she wasnt depressed at all and just was being alone and unwanted. idk why give her the depression diagnosis.

yes, i talked to many therapists in the past and all it was for wasting money. family is useless.
 

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
idk why give her the depression diagnosis.
I don't think taking her own life so young when she had her whole life in front of her could not be due to depression . She felt unloved and alone but could not see that it would probably not be a lifelong condition . That's what depression does to the mind - the future is reflected in the mirror of the painful past , causing despair . It's tragic because there are effective treatments and therapies.

I'm curious what you said in your message to her. I'm sure you didn't agree that her situation was hopeless .

I'm sorry your family aren't supportive and your experiences with therapists haven't helped . I would still urge you to reconsider
 
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painfully

Well-Known Member
If I had thought like her when I was 15 I would have been right, cause thats how I have been all my life. Completely alone.

Im tired of therapists and paying. And Im tired of having to make the first effort explaining all my shit efficiently to not waste time. its all uyseless. I have tried more than 10 therapists
 

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
If you have been depressed since you were young without effective treatment and therapy, it's not surprising you're still depressed , and maybe even more so.

Im curious about what the therapists you saw thought about your issues. I'm sure they didn't think you were intrinsically unloveable .
 
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painfully

Well-Known Member
You keep ignoring that I said I have been alone all my life, and its what hurts the most by far. I could literally be healed from depression now and I would still want to die because of that. Its the loneliness what is killing me, not depression.

Most therapist straight told me they didnt know what to do with me.
 

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
As I see it, the loneliness is making you depressed, causing the negative self referential thoughts which increase your isolation and lack of connectedness .
Do you mean you felt this loneliness as a child too?
 
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painfully

Well-Known Member
idk what that even means.

i have always have had a very strong need to have a female to trust. a gf if you want to call it... maybe it was cause my mother was distant. i dont care the reason.
 

painfully

Well-Known Member
lol "the school notice"

the school were incapable of noticing anything, much less this, and much less even willing to address it. also, its not like they were going to get me a gf... you keep ignoring this fact. my loneliness alone is from female and affection... i dont feel loneliness to be with guys and i dont get less lonely being with guys
 
i just sent one single message, i told her that im a 36 yo guy and we cant really talk, but that i did read her posts and that if it wasnt for the age, i would have no problems talking to her, since she was lonely and said nobody wanted her. she said thank you, and that was that...
I think you can message a 15yo, it's just that you shouldn't try to cultivate a romantic relationship. As long as she listed her real age on her profile, I think the site would have blocked messages if it was disallowed.

That said, you wouldn't have necessarily been able to talk her out of killing herself.

I'm sorry she died.
 

painfully

Well-Known Member
so a girl in reddit messaged me to ask if iw anted to be friends cause she saw my post in r4r where basically its for relationship... i ask if there is a chance for something more and she says "whats wrong with just being friends?".... basically, she messaged me to reject me... "i want to be friends but nothing else with you" honestly... this is so painful. im so tired of this shit

nobody wants me... i just cant take this loneliness anymore...
 

painfully

Well-Known Member
<mod edit timeline> I'll sort the mortgage stuff and make a testament to leave everything to my aunt and fuck off my father and sister.
Then I can do it...

Nobody ever wanted me... I'm crying.... And in resdit ppl "giving me advice" of that I have to change myself cause women don't want someone like me.... I already know that I'm not wanted.... That's why I have to end it.... Cause it's too painful to be alone...
 
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Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
the school were incapable of noticing anything, much less this, and much less even willing to address it. also, its not like they were going to get me a gf... you keep ignoring this fact. my loneliness alone is from female and affection
Nobody ever wanted me... I'm crying
If you meant you felt this painful loneliness from a really young age, and also the need for specifically female affection I'm wondering where it came from as I believe this to be unusual. Iirc correctly you said earlier that your mother was cold, so do you think your relationship with your mother is the root of your feelings of being unloveable, unworthy of love just for being you? Emotional neglect in childhood often causes this.
so a girl in reddit messaged me to ask if iw anted to be friends cause she saw my post in r4r where basically its for relationship... i ask if there is a chance for something more and she says "whats wrong with just being friends?".... basically, she messaged me to reject me..
Or she was just being cautious? Wanting to get to know you better before deciding whether to take things further? Not wanting to give you hope and then let you down later if it turned out you weren't suited to each other. You could have thought this yourself after getting to know her better!
 
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painfully

Well-Known Member
idk if the relationship with my mother was the root cause.

and the girl... she asked at least in two times if i wanted to be friends. to be friends you first have to know the other person, but her she just wanted to know outright... but suddenly, knowing if she would be opened for a relationship is off limits? ofc i know that we have to know each other. i just wanted to know if she was closed to the idea to not waste my time. and she was closed to it.
 

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
Maybe she's been hurt in the past by giving the green light too soon and is being more cautious now. Maybe she would have changed her mind eventually once she knew you better. Or maybe she genuinely doesn't want a romantic relationship with anyone at this time, only friendships, which is on her and nothing to do with you being unloveable.
 

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
NOBODY WANTS ME NOBODY WANTS ME
I'm certain there's at least one person in the world who does, or would. Out of billions of other humans on the planet there's probably thousands who are just right for you. It's meeting them that's the problem, not that you are unloveable. I can't see any evidence from talking with you that makes me think no one could ever love you.
 

painfully

Well-Known Member
Well, I wasnt asking to be a couple, just w
I'm certain there's at least one person in the world who does, or would. Out of billions of other humans on the planet there's probably thousands who are just right for you. It's meeting them that's the problem, not that you are unloveable. I can't see any evidence from talking with you that makes me think no one could ever love you.
There are not billions. And if nobody in a reasonable circle in km around wants me then thats practically the same as not being wanted. I dont care if some random 87 yo woman from Ghana would accept me...


I just went to a prostitute again. She was young and kinda pretty. She had nice cheeks and we basically cuddled all the time and I pinched her cheeks many times... But she didnt want to kiss, so the cuddle was with her face distant from mine... Shes the kind of girl I would have felt attracted to if i saw her int he street or in class... She was very shy.. But at the same time... Shes a prostitute, so she gets fucked often.... And i feel pathetic for not being able to perform... And for her prefering that other kind of "service"...
Im pathetic for everything....
 

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