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Loneliness is literally killing me...

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
There are not billions. And if nobody in a reasonable circle in km around wants me then thats practically the same as not being wanted. I dont care if some random 87 yo woman from Ghana would accept me...
Current population globally is 8.3 billion, but I take your point about a reasonable circle. You already know what I think about your strategy, the kind of women you seek out, and the restrictions you impose on yourself, and you also say it's impossible for you to change anything, so I won't reiterate that, but I really don't know why you're so adamant your lack of success so far is due to innate uworthiness rather than considering these more.
 
and the girl... she asked at least in two times if i wanted to be friends. to be friends you first have to know the other person, but her she just wanted to know outright... but suddenly, knowing if she would be opened for a relationship is off limits? ofc i know that we have to know each other. i just wanted to know if she was closed to the idea to not waste my time. and she was closed to it.
I think sometimes a girl would be open to a relationship after a getting to know you, but she wouldn't necessarily be ready to say, or even know that she would.
 

painfully

Well-Known Member
Current population globally is 8.3 billion, but I take your point about a reasonable circle. You already know what I think about your strategy, the kind of women you seek out, and the restrictions you impose on yourself, and you also say it's impossible for you to change anything, so I won't reiterate that, but I really don't know why you're so adamant your lack of success so far is due to innate uworthiness rather than considering these more.
Half of those are men. Half or more of the remaining are not of the correct age. Most of those are in underdeveloped countries... many etc.

idk whats wrong about the women I seek out... Precissely may71 told me to seek women who are "desperate" or lonely. He even suggested women with terminal illnesses, which I think its too far... But most of the women I try to talk to have some kind of mental problem, depression or traumas... And i message them cause I read their post and something, even if its small, resonates with me. But I dont message just everybody with mental problems...

Also you said my lack of success is to my innate unworthiness...

I need to be accepted for what I am. Thats why pretending to be things Im not its so out of the table. I said so many times... Yet all the suggestions are always "be less like you, dont do this, dont do that"... It hurts to be told to not be me...
 

painfully

Well-Known Member
I think sometimes a girl would be open to a relationship after a getting to know you, but she wouldn't necessarily be ready to say, or even know that she would.
I dont know why its so hard to understand what I said... I didnt want her to say yes to a relationship, I wanted to know if she would be open in the future or if that was a closed door from the start. Some women have messaged me all nice and shit to then when I ask if they would be open they told me straight no and it would be always off the table, be cause they have a bf or whatever else... Basically they message me to tell me they dont want me...

I cannot conceive a close intimate friendship with a woman than then goes to cuddle and fuck her boyfriend and i even feel insulted when they suggest it. Its like they are making fun of me "I want to talk to you but really, dont even touch me"
 

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
Also you said my lack of success is to my innate unworthiness..
I definitely did not say that, nor would I ever say that.
I need to be accepted for what I am. Thats why pretending to be things Im not its so out of the table. I said so many times... Yet all the suggestions are always "be less like you, dont do this, dont do that"... It hurts to be told to not be me...
Changing aspects of how you present yourself to increase your chances of success is not pretending to be someone you're not. For instance, telling the women you approach that "no one wants me" would not be a good idea imho. Not saying you do that in particular but maybe some of the suggestions people have made would actually be helpful .
 

painfully

Well-Known Member
changing aspects of how i present myself is changing myself. i dont know why its so hard to understand. okay, i dont say "no one wants me" in the first 30 min. eventually i will say it, maybe at the next day. so what was the point of not saying at first? it was useless, it just made so that the hipotetycal girl thought i was different for the first day and then knew the true me the second day and leave me.

thats literally what happens many times, that girls think im different, more happy, less insecure, in the first day, but then they truly know me and discard me.
 

painfully

Well-Known Member
@painfully

Wanted to ask a simple question:

what do you have to offer another human being?
I dont have much to offer. I just want a simple quiet boring life. I will take care of her as much as I can, and support her and love her and give her tons of affection every day. I will be there for her every day...

Yesterday I was with a prostitute and she liked it a lot. She liked a lot my cuddles and kisses and she gave a lot back of cuddles and kisses. She seemed very happy with me. There was one point that I she asked and I had to tell her that her breath smelled bad and I didnt want mouth kisses... And she went to wash her mouth just so that she could kiss me in the mouth... And when I was going away, she was smelling my clothes...

Chinese prostitutes seem to like me a lot and the cuddles... But latin american ones are so dry, they dont care... But anyway, thats just physical stuff... If they knew me I doubt they would want me. And I dont even like to think in these terms with prostitutes... I was mostly thinking about maybe finding a chinese girl (wouldnt even know how) but... again, Im weak and insecure and needy, and girls despise this, and they see the guy as the provider, and i cant really do that...
 

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
Those girls that get scared, will get scared anyway when I stop pretending, be it in 1 day, in 1 week or in 1 month... So what is the point of "changing the approach" if they will get scared anyway
Do you have any thoughts on why they might get scared by you telling them nobody wants you so soon after you get chatting online?
 
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painfully

Well-Known Member
Do you have any thoughts on why they might get scared by you telling them nobody wants you so soon after you get chatting online?
Ofc, girls dont want somebody insecure and needy. I have said it a lot of times. Your point is to pretend not to be it at the start. My point is that even if I pretend it at the start, first week or even first month, when eventually I show my true self then she will just flee away.
 

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
Those girls that get scared, will get scared anyway when I stop pretending, be it in 1 day, in 1 week or in 1 month... So what is the point of "changing the approach" if they will get scared anyway
Ofc, girls dont want somebody insecure and needy. I have said it a lot of times. Your point is to pretend not to be it at the start. My point is that even if I pretend it at the start, first week or even first month, when eventually I show my true self then she will just flee away.
Have you considered these women might wonder if the reason "nobody wants ( you)" is something much more worrying than just simply being insecure and needy? Maybe they feel a relationship with someone so needy would demand too much self- sacrifice on their part, or they might be scared there's something worse lurking in the background?
 

painfully

Well-Known Member
Have you considered these women might wonder if the reason "nobody wants ( you)" is something much more worrying than just simply being insecure and needy? Maybe they feel a relationship with someone so needy would demand too much self- sacrifice on their part, or they might be scared there's something worse lurking in the background?
I think you are digging too much into it... Women dont like insecure and weak men. There is no mistery. You fixate too much in that I say "nobody wants me", but they ask why and I reply explaining all of this. Then we usually talk a bit and they get disinterested... And the ones who are interested, when they see just how insecure I am, they get tired and leave. This is how always work.
 

painfully

Well-Known Member
Do you think they get tired because theycfeel a relationship with you would be too self sacrificing and overdemanding on their part?
I dont know why you keep asking me all these redundant questions. Women like when a guy is confident and feel attracted to that, and feel repelled by guys who are insecure. Its just that. They dont even need to think about the future about how demanding it would be. But they wouldnt like that either.

I feel like you are a textbook example of someone who wouldnt want me either, from everything you said... So it feels strange that you ask me why they reject me but you yourself are giving arguments for that rejection.

I already know why women dont want me. The counterpoint is always "if you know, then change it". My argument is "i cant change it, and even if i can, i need to feel loved for myself, not for some "better" version of myself". And how the fuck would I even change being so insecure if all i get is rejection always, forever... And how would I even stop being needy... its just impossible.

Im extremely lonely, im crying right now... I just see how it will end...
 

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
Not redundant questions. I am trying to give you suggestions which might improve your prospects.

I don't believe you can't change anything about the way you present yourself to prospective gfs if your present strategy isn't working. It's part and parcel of the dating ritual to highlight your attractive qualities, one of which is being attentive to, and considerate of the other persons needs, ideas, opinions interests etc. I do think your stress on nobody wanting you could come across as you needing a maternal sort of relationship, or a therapist, rather than an equal partner. Why don't you just try not saying that and see what happens? Maybe you will start feeling less needy and more confident if you avoid stressing the things that are causing the rejections
 

painfully

Well-Known Member
Not redundant questions. I am trying to give you suggestions which might improve your prospects.

I don't believe you can't change anything about the way you present yourself to prospective gfs if your present strategy isn't working. It's part and parcel of the dating ritual to highlight your attractive qualities, one of which is being attentive to, and considerate of the other persons needs, ideas, opinions interests etc. I do think your stress on nobody wanting you could come across as you needing a maternal sort of relationship, or a therapist, rather than an equal partner. Why don't you just try not saying that and see what happens? Maybe you will start feeling less needy and more confident if you avoid stressing the things that are causing the rejections
You keep saying to hide what I am and what I feel. I need to feel accepted. If Im trying to not say or hide something, then I get very uncomfortable, so I will always end up saying it.

And supposing I can do it, how can I be more confident in myself knowing that im hiding stuff that if I say or show I know that she will reject me?

A couple of months ago I talked with a girl that liked me the first day cause I felt accepted, but I forgot that I didnt show my bad stuff.... The next 2 days I showed it and she just flee. She had 2 previous relationships. One in which she went to USA (from Ireland) to live with his dead beat boyfriend, whhch turned out that was violent. She stayed 2 months with him. Then later, 2 years with a guy from Norway, which she went to visit ONCE A MONTH, until she finally left him cause the guy wasnt thinkng about living together at all.
This girl REJECTED ME because I was too insecure and needy and it did hurt a lot. I saw what she would do for other guys, and she wouldnt do that for me at all. It did hurt a lot.
 

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