Loneliness is literally killing me...

[Inastorm]

This girl wouldn't have seen the guy in norway as non committal as he probably wouldnt have brought that up, hence she left when she found this out.

i agree with being selective at first with someone, this is normal until you get to know someone and as lara c says, maybe the experience will help your view of yourself- this is something you need to be working on.

if you do work on those insecurities it will show a perspective gf that you are working on and open to improving your own mental health, this will be seen as a positive.

Give it a try.

 

[Lara_C]

A couple of months ago I talked with a girl that liked me the first day cause I felt accepted, but I forgot that I didnt show my bad stuff.... The next 2 days I showed it and she just flee.

Two days! That's nowhere near long enough for full disclosure!

This girl REJECTED ME because I was too insecure and needy and it did hurt a lot. I saw what she would do for other guys, and she wouldnt do that for me at all. It did hurt a lot.

She was obviously burned from her previous lack of caution and has learned from it.

You keep saying to hide what I am and what I feel. I need to feel accepted. If Im trying to not say or hide something, then I get very uncomfortable, so I will always end up saying it.

And supposing I can do it, how can I be more confident in myself knowing that im hiding stuff that if I say or show I know that she will reject me?

I'm not saying hide your feelings, but you need to establish real trust before baring your soul to someone. And if you change your approach to a much more gradual, gentler one you might find you start to feel more confident . Your present approach is kind of like a bulldozer and is obviously scaring people off whom you may have otherwise clicked with

 

[may71]

Im extremely lonely, im crying right now

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad.

Chinese prostitutes seem to like me a lot and the cuddles

Maybe you could have one girl as a regular? Maybe you would both like that.

they see the guy as the provider, and i cant really do that...

You might be more of a provider than a lot of men are. I think there could be a way if you find the right girl.

 

[painfully]

Two days! That's nowhere near long enough for full disclosure!
She was obviously burned from her previous lack of caution and has learned from it.

I'm not saying hide your feelings, but you need to establish real trust before baring your soul to someone. And if you change your approach to a much more gradual, gentler one you might find you start to feel more confident . Your present approach is kind of like a bulldozer and is obviously scaring people off whom you may have otherwise clicked with

I think her previous relationships didnt have anything to do with it. You are still telling me to hide my neediness, my bad stuff, which are very often dealbreakers once after a month of talking... Then she would want to leave but it would be much more painful.

I need to feel accepted for what I am... I cannot hide myself. And if I do, its very painful and really, I cannot pretend

 

[painfully]

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad.

Maybe you could have one girl as a regular? Maybe you would both like that.

You might be more of a provider than a lot of men are. I think there could be a way if you find the right girl.

I think that getting attached to a prostitute would be a really bad idea...

Even if I could be a provider now, I dont want someone to want me because im a provider. I have been most of my life without a job and without any money. Its not like I have much now since I started working recently... But I dont want to be with someone who would have rejected me years ago because of my economic situation...

Also I dont even have to choose luckily... Women who want providers would despise me because of my personality, being needy and insecure and weak...

 

[may71]

I think that getting attached to a prostitute would be a really bad idea...

There can be problems in any kind of relationship. Having a regular prostitute doesn't seem like such a bad idea if you're going to see prostitutes.

It also seems like a better idea than being really unhappy and suicidal.

 

[may71]

But I dont want to be with someone who would have rejected me years ago because of my economic situation...

Some women don't really have any choice except to find a man who can be a provider. I think it's certainly forgivable in that case.

 

[Lara_C]

I need to feel accepted for what I am..

So do we all. And we also need to accept ourselves. If we don't love ourselves, how can we believe others can?

I cannot hide myself. And if I do, its very painful and really, I cannot pretend

Holding back from disclosing some aspects of ourselves too soon isn't pretending. It's too overwhelming for most people to be hit with everything about the other person all at once, before trust has been nurtured and built over time. I honestly think your expectations from a potential romantic partner in that regard are very unrealistic and very few people could meet them. I do hope you succeed though, even if I believe you could improve your chances if you just slowed down.

 

[painfully]

Some women don't really have any choice except to find a man who can be a provider. I think it's certainly forgivable in that case.

Its different. If a woman would have loved me regardless when I didnt have money, I dont mind providing.... But I dont want to be wanted for just the providing shit..

 

[painfully]

So do we all. And we also need to accept ourselves. If we don't love ourselves, how can we believe others can?
Holding back from disclosing some aspects of ourselves too soon isn't pretending. It's too overwhelming for most people to be hit with everything about the other person all at once, before trust has been nurtured and built over time. I honestly think your expectations from a potential romantic partner in that regard are very unrealistic and very few people could meet them. I do hope you succeed though, even if I believe you could improve your chances if you just slowed down.

Again, you are telling me to hide deal breakers. Its like hidding that you are trans, that you have STDs or idk, other stuff. Being very insecure and needy are deal breakers. If I could somehow lie and not show it, after 1-2 months,w hen I would show it, she would get tired and leave me, and it would be much more painful. You dont see it like this, but I do see it and I have seen it happen. Girls stopped talking to me because IM too much and they get tired of me

 

[painfully]

Im so tired and so lonely... I cannot deal with this shit... It hurts so much...

I read reddit posts of girls being alone, but nobody of those would want me... One for example says she wants someone older but that has his shit together cause there cant be two lost people together... This is actually what most women want... A guy taht guides, that is a stone, that is unaffected, not needy, self sufficient, strong... Im NONE of those things... And thus nobody wants me...

 

[Lara_C]

@painfully have you any thoughts on why you are so insecure that you feel such an intense need for another person to feel whole? You already said you have felt the same way since you were very young and that your mother was cold and your family unsupportive. I think you are holding alot of unhealed trauma and I know you have said that you've tried medication and therapy and you cannot change . I have no idea what sort of therapy you've tried but I think you should look into the different types available, perhaps Dialectical Behavioural Therapy which is said to be the most effective for BPD ( which iirc you are diagnosed with) Believing you can't change certain aspects of how you think and feel is practically a hallmark of severe depression as well . Healing trauma is not changing yourself into a totally different being, it's releasing what was never yours to begin with,, becoming whole .

 

[Lara_C]

Im so tired and so lonely... I cannot deal with this shit... It hurts so much...

While we can't provide you with the romantic relationship you long for so much it hurts terribly, we can give you a safe, compassionate, space to offload and share what you're going through. You aren't alone

 

[painfully]

I wouldnt even know where to start in therapy. First Id have to find a good therapist, which is impossible, then pay him, which i dont want to waste more money... and then.. how am i going to solve being insecure if all i do is getting rejected? its like asking someone to stop being hungry without giving him food... it makes no sense. therapy would basically be gaslighting me, and im not stupid.

also, i dont feel less lonely knowing other ppl are alone... and knwoing many women are alone makes it even worse, cause they dont even want me ...

 

[painfully]

I tend to post almost every day in reddit in r4r and foreveralonedating and similar... i got 2 messages in the last 4 days and i messaged 3 girls... and nobody ever replied back, not even the ones who messaged me... there were a couple that interested me specially and it hurts.... im so tired of living...

 

[painfully]

im so fucking tired. NOBODY WANTS ME AND I CANT TAKE THIS LONELINESS ANYMORE

NOBODY WANTS ME

 

[Lara_C]

WE WANT YOU ON HERE WITH US.

 

[Lara_C]

I have to say again that imo the knockbacks you are receiving are something to do with you going full disclosure too soon, especially if you are conveying your belief that a single person can fulfil ALL your needs for love, acceptance, attention etc etc . That's a VERY tall order and imo unrealistic as there are probably very few women who can truly meet that expectation fully and I think most would be daunted at the prospect. I know I would be! I wouldn't feel capable. It would require a level of devotion and saintliness few have.

I m being honest and it's just my opinion , but the free flag I would see is " possessiveness and all the trouble that could cause

 

[Lara_C]

* red flag
It's all so heavy and serious.. Youre not giving them a chance to see your lighter qualities e.g. your sense of humour. Thats ok on here but dating should be fun.

 

[painfully]

WE WANT YOU ON HERE WITH US.

I dont believe you and it doesnt make me feel less lonely. And you would be one of the women who dont want me either...