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Lonely, hate myself, been getting increasingly depressed for 20 years and wanting to die for 5

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by JGF, Nov 16, 2015.

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  1. JGF

    JGF Well-Known Member

    I previously had the longest thread in this forum going over the past year or two, until a mod rather inconsiderately closed it when I brought up possible suicide methods. Nothing's gotten better for me. More than anything else, I want to be in a relationship and lose my virginity, but at 28 with no progress made despite dozens of Meetups and dating sites visited, I feel that something about me must repulse women and I will always be alone. I also completely despise myself and see my life as a neverending string of failures no matter what everyone else tells me. I compare myself unfavorably to family members and have few friends. I became suicidal 5 years ago and only want to die more with each passing year. I will never make any progress, am a miserable waste of life, and dozens of therapists, doctors and medicines have all failed to help me. I have a suicide plan mapped out and am ready to act on it, so why should I live when I no longer have anything to live for?
  2. BradAwesome

    BradAwesome Member

    I am in your near exact spot. I'm 30 but I've been in a lot of relationships. The end result of these relationships, pain. Lots and lots of pain. I want to go too man. I am in so much pain.
  3. zanojof

    zanojof Member

    i feel you man, i know it will be ok for us all. Im still 19 and feel pretty much same as you. Maybe the time is just not right. Or we are not right?
  4. Nothing has worked out for me in this world in regards recovery,career and relationships. I refuse to live with a mind that is disordered by illness and hinders my chances in life. At 52 I accept that it's not going to get any better anytime soon, I fought the good fight but I'm tired now and the facts are staring me in the face that even after nearly 17 years fighting this illness that it's always going to be there, believe I tried everything.
  5. JGF

    JGF Well-Known Member

    Does anyone have any actual advice?
  6. JGF

    JGF Well-Known Member

    Still doing bad. Attempted suicide Monday night and planning to try again tonight or some time this week. Worrying and upsetting my parents nonstop with my negative views of everything. I'll ask again: does anyone have any actual advice instead of just listing their own problems?
  7. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Yes, I have been where you are right Now! I would first of all try to talk on here after you called a Health Care Professional and try to schedule an appt if not then try a Crisis Hot line and talk to them see if someone will not see you immediately, I will talk to you one to one on here if you want, If you want to end your life we can not stop you! You would be ending your life forever for a temporary Problem! Please do not do that! You are suffering, I know that, I have been exactly where you are now, I have attempted at least 6 times not to tell you my problem but to verify that I know where you are coming from! That is why most people in here tell you what they are going through currently or have in the Past. They are not trying to give you their problems but to show they know Right Now Where You Are! You have come to a good safe Place if you want to talk more send me a pm or better yet I will send you one Immediately! Please Hold on for at least a few moments!
  8. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Yes, I will try, I am not sure what happened to my last post, it is gone? I do not know if we can talk on a pm, I tried sending you one it says that you do not exist! It may be because you are under moderation! I do not know, I am here right now to talk and I see you are not online presently! I wrote two paragraphs and they disappeared, Perhaps if you come back at some point I will not talk about myself.
    I will read some of your other posts in the meantime!
  9. Zaheer

    Zaheer Account Closed

    getting a girl is a skill which can be learned ...
    If you have tried all the sites, try "talk to someone" app
  10. You can always try kik messanger for people in your area. Heck, even craigslist offers dating and casual encounters. I wouldnt gauge you not finding someone as an insult or anything other than, maybe you're not their type. I for one know that I'm not attractive to all men but I also know that I have my own preferences as well. Just sometimes can be a pain in the butt looking for someone that has the same interests as you. Be patient.
  11. partylpoison

    partylpoison Active Member

    hi..I don't know if you ever heard the song but it says something like this : "Grit your teeth, pull your hair, paint the walls, black and scream. Fuck the world cause it's my life. I'm gonna take it back. BUT NEVER FOR A SECOND BLAME YOURSELF."
    I do believe there's nothing wrong with you. Hold on really tight .
  12. JGF

    JGF Well-Known Member

    Doesn't seem to exist for my iPhone.

    I haven't dated for 8 years. I'm through being patient and would rather just die.
  13. JGF

    JGF Well-Known Member

    So now I have another big problem that I neglected to mention. My personal life is going all right, but I've become unnaturally sensitive when it comes to handling bad news in the world. It can be something like terrorist attacks or racism or even minor things like people's opinions. I've already tried to avoid the news, but I keep finding out about bad stuff one way or another. Even blocking and unfollowing dozens of people on social media doesn't help. I'm convinced that I'm going to end up killing myself because I don't want to deal with the world's reality. Does anyone have any coping ideas that don't involve therapy or hotlines?
  14. Zaheer

    Zaheer Account Closed

    I can only suggest 'laughter ' .. and for me the best medicine is funny videos at youtube
  15. JGF

    JGF Well-Known Member

    Been doing that for years, but they never help my mood.
  16. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    No. I mean you can look up things about meditation, mindfulness, and other coping skills, try to learn some new ones that help yourself but basically if you want to get better you have to get therapy of some type in most cases. It can be hard to decide if you want to put the energy into that or if you would rather die. I am taking the middle road - in therapy but also actively planning for the end. Good luck - I hope you find what path works best for you.

    And as far as the virginity, dating, etc stuff -- if I can find someone you can too but if you just want to hook up, craiglist and other hook up sites work well -- I know personally.
  17. JGF

    JGF Well-Known Member

    Well, I've been in therapy for 20 years with little in the way of results, so that's a dead end.

    I feel like I need a sense of hope more than anything else these days, but maybe this is the wrong place for it. My doctors have been telling me for a while that visiting sites like this are unhealthy, so it might be for the rest for me to move on from it.
  18. etnevel.asok

    etnevel.asok Member

    Getting some good advice and word always helps. More small things makes bigger miracles.
  19. EFromTexas

    EFromTexas Active Member

    In the same boat as you. 28 still a virgin and my depression is getting worse everyday. I feel like I'm a failure at times and sometimes wish why am I still here I want a woman to love me also. It's hard but all I can say is don't give up there's a reason why we are still alive that means there is a chance it will get better and if we decide lose our life how will we know how much better it will get? Hang in there and it will get better at least I hope so too.
    2 people like this.
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