I previously had the longest thread in this forum going over the past year or two, until a mod rather inconsiderately closed it when I brought up possible suicide methods. Nothing's gotten better for me. More than anything else, I want to be in a relationship and lose my virginity, but at 28 with no progress made despite dozens of Meetups and dating sites visited, I feel that something about me must repulse women and I will always be alone. I also completely despise myself and see my life as a neverending string of failures no matter what everyone else tells me. I compare myself unfavorably to family members and have few friends. I became suicidal 5 years ago and only want to die more with each passing year. I will never make any progress, am a miserable waste of life, and dozens of therapists, doctors and medicines have all failed to help me. I have a suicide plan mapped out and am ready to act on it, so why should I live when I no longer have anything to live for?