lonely road

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by am I alive, Feb 24, 2008.

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  1. am I alive

    am I alive Well-Known Member

    I've been walking this road for whole my life. What are my memories from past? All i can remeber is my alcoholic father,my sick mother,the war,moving from place to place,moving to another country in 1995,poverty,shyness,loneliness. I hate place where i live now,when i came here i spend my final year of primary school here. That was very hard time,i was always abused by other kids because of my language. I never find a true friend for 13 years now. High school time was a bit better,but because of lack of selfesteem and shyness i tried most of time to avoid social activities with others. Where am i now?I am 26, still in my family house with my alcoholic father,mother and brother. I am still most of time alone.I do have a few friends,but they live in other place and they all have gf's or bf's,job,etc. I feel so miserable when i compare myself with them. My life is so empty and pathetic. I can't imagine myself as a father one day. I don't even want get a girlfriend. There were many girls interested in me but i have refused all of them. I hate many things in this world that other people like,i hate most of people too,so i don't wanna girlfriend with whom i have to pretend to be someone else. If i do not have to pretend than none of them would be with me more than a few days,lol,who wants to be with a loser.
    I am about to graduate,money isnt problem to me now,and it probably will not be,but money cant buy the better past than i had,and erased many bad mamories from my mind. I know that one day i will die alone,they will find my rotten body on the floor. I hate my existence,i hate this world,i never felt happiness in this world. I never felt like saying:GOD thank you for this life you gave me,all i want now is to give it back to you.
     
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