Loosing the battle. (Poss trigger)

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Beka, Aug 26, 2013.

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  1. Beka

    Beka Well-Known Member

    Why do I feel like this? It's so hard to explain it.

    It feels like there's some much darker version of me clinging to my side.
    I'm loosing. I thought I was winning but I'm not. I'm loosing. I'm loosing. I'm loosing. I'm loosing.

    I'm a danger to myself. Why am I a danger to myself? I shouldn't be a danger to myself but I am. I am the worst danger to myself.
    She keeps interrupting me, like just then she pointed out that I'm a danger to myself because I "fucking deserve it".
    I don't wan't to be a danger. I don't want to be a danger but I deserve it. I don't want to be a danger.

    It's giving me a headache. A headache that's lasting forever I can't it's driving me mad. Get it? Because I'm already mad, and this is driving me further down the spectrum.
    My head's going to explode.

    Worthless worthless worthless. Stupid BITCH. I'm going to kill you. Or me? Do I mean me? Because she's me right? She's a you. She's separate from me. She's a you.

    Idiotic. Fat. Ugly. Carve it. Carve it from myself because I'm so worthless no one would care anyway.

    Kill you. Kill me. Kill it. Kill it.

    Hahaha. I'm a danger to myself. Why did it take me so long to realise, I'm that worthless I'm a danger to myself. Brilliant. Fantastic. Perfect.
  2. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member


    who keeps interupting you?

    is it someone in your head, or does it feel like something more- does it feel like she's sitting beside you for instance

    are you geting any help at the moment... therapy, medication, do you hav a good support network?

    you arn't worthless.. stupid.. ugly. all the things you mention try not to listen to that other voice- if it is indeed her telling you these things

    i hope you will continue posting here- and reaching out for support
  3. Beka

    Beka Well-Known Member

    I want to say it's me. It's like I'm split into two. There's normal me, and then there's her. All the bad things. Sometimes it feels like she's actually there other times it's just in my head. I'm on a waiting list for therapy again. I'm on Citlopram .
  4. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member


    well, i am glad you're getting help at least.
    please keep us updated with how you are doing
  5. Beka

    Beka Well-Known Member

    I don't feel safe with myself.
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun if you don't feel safe they you call your doctor get in and get your meds changed ok or go into emergency dept and see a pdoc there you stay safe ok
  7. Beka

    Beka Well-Known Member

    I can't go to my doctors till Monday and I can't go to Emergency department because I have work. I'm seriously terrified I'm going to do something stupid.
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