Losing someone to suicide

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by iKayla, Feb 23, 2016.

  1. iKayla

    iKayla Chat Buddy

    March 1st 2015: i was suicidal, wanting to die, even wanting to commit that night... almost did. i made a video about how i was feeling. then went to sleep.
    March 2nd 2015, was a normal day... going to college class and i looked at my phone at the end of class and saw a text asking if i knew what happened and then i found out...
    in high school, i loved photography, so i took the class... i was good at it, i enjoyed it and my favorite teacher. well... i found out she had killed herself at the school in her classroom that morning...
    i emailed her a year before or so updating her... and the week she killed herself i meant to email her and ask about advice... i never did.
    it hit me really hard. still almost a year later, i'm depressed, my anxiety has worsened. i don't sleep good at all.... i have to take a sleep aid to help me sleep or ill be up the whole night feeling depressed or even contemplenting suicide.
    what i never understand is.... she lost her dad to suicide. and she spoke up against it, telling her students to not do it... and then she did it.

    i'm not over it. ill never be over it. suddenly i know how she feels but at the same time.... i don't.
    it's almost a year to the day and i'm really scared i might do it myself...
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi, I understand your feelings but you to remain strong. The feelings you have are no doubt tough but you have to dig deep to overcome such feelings. Life is important and also means you.

    I know you are scared but all of us who use this site are scared together. We help each other to overcome such feelings. Please from the bottom of my heart, do not do anything but remain strong. I really care, keep posting and be happy.
  3. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I am so sorry to hear what happened.

    I understand this has had a massive impact on you.

    Have you seen a counselor or therapist about any of this? You sound like you need some help to move forward.
    You might never forget this, but a good therapist can help you deal with how it makes you feel.

    You deserve to feel better than this! Please take care of yourself!
  4. Fluffypingu

    Fluffypingu Safety and Support Chat Pro SF Supporter

    so sorry to hear that keep strong hun hugs
  5. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    I'm sorry for your loss. You need to take care of you, have you reached out to anyone?
  6. redgirl

    redgirl SF Supporter

    What an awful situation, with so many unanswered questions. I can't imagine what you must be going through. I have to agree with the previous comments on here, talking about it to a therapist or even to a trusted loved one can really help you move through these feelings and make you feel a little less stuck. I hope you find the help and support you need, and in the meantime, the community on this site is a wonderful one. You can always reach out here and be welcomed with open arms and compassion.