Loss of a child, husband, father, god mother,a family, a home, my life as i know it

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by StoneRoman, Dec 25, 2011.

  1. StoneRoman

    StoneRoman New Member

    Im still in disbelief. Cannot grasp the reality of my life. One year ago I was full of life, looking forward to a peaceful future. I have never experienced pain or grief, but my life has taken a turn for the absolute worst. I find myself praying for terminal illness every day. I just do not wish to live this life. This is not my life, its been trust upon me by my own hand and God is holding me hostage on this earth. If i dont show growth, forgiveness and love then i feel doomed to eternal condemnation. Guilt and regret consume my mind. Loneliness never leaves my side. My pre occupation with death has become a shameful obsession. My life direction has changed due to the death of my daughter. My identity has been shattered. I have moved across the country to escape the shame and guilt. My family has shunned me and has cast me into exile. I would rather live anyone elses existence but my own. I have encountered victims of rape, molestation, incest, suicide ,murder, and they all say the same thing..."wow i thought i had it rough until i hear your story". That doesnt help. I am not sure what to do, other than to settle in and get comfy in HELL ON EARTH. Or I can continue to let time heal me, which is a euphemism for give your self more time to brainwash yourself so that you can drudge on through this life. You are a hostage now so settle in.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Re: Loss of a child, husband, father, god mother,a family, a home, my life as i know

    I am so sorry for you loss hun I know there are no words that i can say to heal that pain. Please know i am here anytime you just need to talk okay so you know you are not alone now hugs
     
  3. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    Re: Loss of a child, husband, father, god mother,a family, a home, my life as i know

    My condolences.

    I'm sorry that your family is not pulling together to support you.

    You're welcome here, post as much as you like, without being judged.

    We are a caring community that tries to help each other with compassion and encouragement.

    Please keep posting here.
     
  4. StoneRoman

    StoneRoman New Member

    Re: Loss of a child, husband, father, god mother,a family, a home, my life as i know

    Thank you for the kind messages. I came to this site to hopefully figure out a reason to continue. I cant say that I have a suicide plan? Im scared to end my own life. I just feel I dont have a reason to live. My level and quality of life is sub par. The life I once had has been stolen from me and I left the door unlocked. To experience tragedy is one thing but to play a roll in the demise of multiple lives is another. The pain of the loss is palpable. The incessant noise echos constantly.
    I just dont think i will ever be happy, my life was full of joy, so much happiness and joy. I lived it to the fullest. Now i am trapped in a room half way across the country alone and broken. I woke up one day to a life that i cannot recognize. I am in a dream I cannot wake up from.
     
  5. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Re: Loss of a child, husband, father, god mother,a family, a home, my life as i know

    I'm so sorry you lost your daughter..my heart goes out to you..
    I lost my son..I understand your pain *hug*