Hello,
Let me write a little bit about myself and my problem.
I am 37 years old. Since I remeber the only really important thing in my life was my family. My younger sister, parents and grandparents. My parents divorced when I was 10 and I lived with my mum and sister until I was 19, when my mum married again and let me and my sister to live alone. Before that me and my sister were not best friends, but after that we really became best frineds. We did everything together. I cared about her all the time and in a way I replaced her a mother. She always came to me when she needed something.
I also had very good relations with my parents and grandparents. Helping them any time was my priority. I never put myself on the first place. The only important thing was that they are all fine and that meant I was also fine. Last year my grandparents died and I was very sad, but very thankful on the other hand to had them for so long.
I dont have my own family, because I still havent met anybody who would be acceptable for me. Not that people are not good enough, but I dont know anybody who would tolerate my commitment to my primary family.
2 months ago my sister started a chat via fb with my workmate that she never met before. Although I told her I dont like that she continued and now they are a couple. There were 2 reasons why I didnt like that: 1. I really liked that guy and he was the only one at work I was able to talk honestly with him. I didnt want to have anything with him because I didnt want to mix business and family 2. I am succesfull at work and wanted to keep it professional. I dont want to share my private life with my workmates.
As my sister and my workmate met they fall in love. My sister asked me to leave her alone and didnt want to spend time with me anymore because she think I am mean and selfish not being happy for her. Although I asked her not to chat with him before they met and before she was in love. I wouldn ask her to leave him if they fall in love after meeting somewhere and not knowing about the situation.
At the moment I feel so lost I dont know what to do with myself. Its been 2 months already I havent seen my sister and spoke to her. She refuses to talk to me. I know our relation was not ok because we were like husband and wife, however we both liked it. She had boyfriends before and I never had problems with that. I was always happy for her.
Now I feel I lost my sister, my family, my bestfriend, my hobby (working for her in my free time), my workmate and the only one at work I could talk to. Thats everything really important that I had in my life.
I dont have many friends. Those I have all have their own families and children. They think me and my sister will be fine in few months and will laugh about it.
I have to see this workmate everyday at work and he reminds me on my tragedy. I live in as small town and am not able to get a new job in a reasonable time.
I was already thinking about moving to another country to forget everything that I am not able to do here. And to start a new life somewhere else. But the idea hurts. Leaving home, new job, new frinds, new surrounding,...
It really hutrs and theres nobody who could understand my pain. I am so alone, I feel do lonely. I try to manage it but after 2 months it feels the same as the first day if not worse. I tried to occupy myself with reading, walking, tv, hobbies,.. but nothing really helps. I dont feel like finding new friends etc. There are some better days, but always followed by the worst nightmare.
I am not able to sleep ok. I am awake, crying all nights. People at work and other people asking me whats wrong with me etc. I told what wrong to some of them, but they are all making jokes out of my problem. They dont see it as a problem, just a little fight.
What do you suggest? What should I do to forget everything and move on? I know I will not be able to trust my sister again even if she finds out what she did and apologize. On the other hand shes my everything and I can not live without her. I hate her one second and love the next second.
My sadness is making me crazy and I am thinking about worst. I know this wouldn make any sence and I also dont want to disappoint my family, however I have to stop that somehow.
Thank you in advance....
Let me write a little bit about myself and my problem.
I am 37 years old. Since I remeber the only really important thing in my life was my family. My younger sister, parents and grandparents. My parents divorced when I was 10 and I lived with my mum and sister until I was 19, when my mum married again and let me and my sister to live alone. Before that me and my sister were not best friends, but after that we really became best frineds. We did everything together. I cared about her all the time and in a way I replaced her a mother. She always came to me when she needed something.
I also had very good relations with my parents and grandparents. Helping them any time was my priority. I never put myself on the first place. The only important thing was that they are all fine and that meant I was also fine. Last year my grandparents died and I was very sad, but very thankful on the other hand to had them for so long.
I dont have my own family, because I still havent met anybody who would be acceptable for me. Not that people are not good enough, but I dont know anybody who would tolerate my commitment to my primary family.
2 months ago my sister started a chat via fb with my workmate that she never met before. Although I told her I dont like that she continued and now they are a couple. There were 2 reasons why I didnt like that: 1. I really liked that guy and he was the only one at work I was able to talk honestly with him. I didnt want to have anything with him because I didnt want to mix business and family 2. I am succesfull at work and wanted to keep it professional. I dont want to share my private life with my workmates.
As my sister and my workmate met they fall in love. My sister asked me to leave her alone and didnt want to spend time with me anymore because she think I am mean and selfish not being happy for her. Although I asked her not to chat with him before they met and before she was in love. I wouldn ask her to leave him if they fall in love after meeting somewhere and not knowing about the situation.
At the moment I feel so lost I dont know what to do with myself. Its been 2 months already I havent seen my sister and spoke to her. She refuses to talk to me. I know our relation was not ok because we were like husband and wife, however we both liked it. She had boyfriends before and I never had problems with that. I was always happy for her.
Now I feel I lost my sister, my family, my bestfriend, my hobby (working for her in my free time), my workmate and the only one at work I could talk to. Thats everything really important that I had in my life.
I dont have many friends. Those I have all have their own families and children. They think me and my sister will be fine in few months and will laugh about it.
I have to see this workmate everyday at work and he reminds me on my tragedy. I live in as small town and am not able to get a new job in a reasonable time.
I was already thinking about moving to another country to forget everything that I am not able to do here. And to start a new life somewhere else. But the idea hurts. Leaving home, new job, new frinds, new surrounding,...
It really hutrs and theres nobody who could understand my pain. I am so alone, I feel do lonely. I try to manage it but after 2 months it feels the same as the first day if not worse. I tried to occupy myself with reading, walking, tv, hobbies,.. but nothing really helps. I dont feel like finding new friends etc. There are some better days, but always followed by the worst nightmare.
I am not able to sleep ok. I am awake, crying all nights. People at work and other people asking me whats wrong with me etc. I told what wrong to some of them, but they are all making jokes out of my problem. They dont see it as a problem, just a little fight.
What do you suggest? What should I do to forget everything and move on? I know I will not be able to trust my sister again even if she finds out what she did and apologize. On the other hand shes my everything and I can not live without her. I hate her one second and love the next second.
My sadness is making me crazy and I am thinking about worst. I know this wouldn make any sence and I also dont want to disappoint my family, however I have to stop that somehow.
Thank you in advance....
