Lost without my wife

[Christopher F]

My beautiful wife passed away almost two years ago.
Just months after, i tried killing myself so that i could be with her. After receiving therapy as an out patient, the same thought`s have returned to me. I cry every day and i miss her so. I am 66 years old and feeling like a baby every time i cry. It sounds ridiculous i know, but it`s all i can do. I am alone with no family or friends, and over the last eleven months, i just want to end it. I have had thoughts of getting someone to harm me, and i have also looked into assisted suicide. The pain of losing my wife hurts every day, and even as i am writing this, the tears are falling. I just want to be with her. I have read that sometimes, suicide may be forgiven by God as long as your Soul means it when it repents. My Soul will mean to repent, and as God is an all mercy and forgiving God, i am hoping he will listen to me and let me be with my wife once again. The thoughts of hurting myself are so strong right now, if i could find a way. A therapist once told me, "if you ever feel like wanting to take your life, go to the hospital and get admitted". I don`t want to do that. I just want to be with my wife again. I am so lost and confused right now, i don`t know what to do.

 

[Always Hopeless]

Writing letters to them in my journal helps when I am grieving someone I love. I miss the closeness of them and that can somewhat be relieved with animals and Teddy Bears. I don't know if this is what you need but I thought I'd share what helped me in case it's useful for you too. I wish peace and happiness for you and your wife when you meet again.

 

[Windhover]

Welcom to Sf @Christopher F

I'm sorry for the terrible loss.


Many of us here have also experienced or are in the midst of experiencing trauma, or loss or other difficult events, so you may find a lot of kindness and support. Stay alive. Read and post here anytime.

 

[Violet]

Hello, you have nothing to be ashamed, crying is a way to express a feeling no mather the age or gender. There's something you like to do? like a hobby or idk reading, you could give it a try or join in a local activity like doing exercise, or tai chai to meet other people. I hope you can find relieve.

 

[Christopher F]

Hello, you have nothing to be ashamed, crying is a way to express a feeling no mather the age or gender. There's something you like to do? like a hobby or idk reading, you could give it a try or join in a local activity like doing exercise, or tai chai to meet other people. I hope you can find relieve.

That is the problem Miss Violet, i always feel ashamed when i cry. I try not to, but the emotions come quick to my mind, as like the memories. We were married for 25 year`s, and i came over from England to the USA to be with her. We were married the first year we met and enjoyed each other`s company so much. We never had a fight or a quarrel, and in a way, we knew what each other was thinking. Even now, i think that my wife wants me to be with her, but then again, she would be so proud of me carrying on. But that`s just it, i don`t know how much longer i can do that, I wish i had friends to talk to but i am alone, and that gets me down too. I`m sorry to load this burden on to you good people, but that is why i came here, to find a friend or two that i can talk with and read their advice.

 

[Lara_C]

Welcome @Christopher F . I'm so sorry you are feeling such pain and that there's noone around to support you as you grieve the loss of your life partner. Please let the tears fall as they are a natural part of grieving someone so close and so loved. If you are a member of a church, have you considered talking with someone there as churches often provide support in bereavement . Perhaps you should also let your doctor know how isolated you feel in your grief as medication might help you get through this very hard time. Your doctor may also refer you for grief counselling if available.

Please keep posting here as well as we are listening and understand.

 

[SillyOldBear]

That is the problem Miss Violet, i always feel ashamed when i cry. I try not to, but the emotions come quick to my mind, as like the memories. We were married for 25 year`s, and i came over from England to the USA to be with her. We were married the first year we met and enjoyed each other`s company so much. We never had a fight or a quarrel, and in a way, we knew what each other was thinking. Even now, i think that my wife wants me to be with her, but then again, she would be so proud of me carrying on. But that`s just it, i don`t know how much longer i can do that, I wish i had friends to talk to but i am alone, and that gets me down too. I`m sorry to load this burden on to you good people, but that is why i came here, to find a friend or two that i can talk with and read their advice.

I am old. That means I have seen a lot of people lose their mate. The person they shared so much of their life with. It is devastating. Have you thought about getting some grief counseling? Or find a local support group that helps people recover from loss. That would provide an excellent place to share your thoughts, meet people and get support.

 

[FlamingoWrangler]

Welcome to SF @Christopher F

we get it. Some days are so very hard. I hope you can find a way to want to keep living. it’s ok to share your thoughts here. It’s a safe space.

 

[may71]

Welcome to SF Christopher F

I`m sorry to load this burden on to you good people

There is no burden. No one if forced to read or reply to posts here. Talking about things like this is what SF is for.

I'm sorry it hurts so much to have lost your wife. I'm also glad that you found someone that you loved so much that it hurts to lose them.

In time, the pain of having lost her can be transformed to gratitude for having had her in your life.

 

[JanisSPK]

HI Christopher

First of all, I'm so very sorry you have been suffering the last 2 years because of the loss of your dear beloved wife. It's an indescribable pain.
Welcome.....I am glad you found this place. It's full of good people and people that care and share and read and listen and understand a lot of sadness and pain and grief.

I sort of owe (in a good way) my improvement I've experienced over the 5 or more years I've been here. I did ALOT of talking and sharing and reading and sometimes coming here multiple times in a day and sometimes hours at a time to have support. I have no family and I'm about to turn 70 in about a week.

It's so hard for you going through your days. Many of us here will do our best to let you know you are being seen and heard and even understood.

Please don't think anything ever is wrong with crying and expressing your feelings and emotion in any way, it is not wrong whatever your spiritual practice is... we were given the ability to feel and to express, we were made and designed to do this when needed.

I look forward to hearing more from you as often as you would like to choose to post anywhere here. I know others will want to hear from you as well as they find your sharings.

Please take care of yourself today as best you can.