lost

[serivok]

i've been alone for most of my life and it never really bothered me until now. i've recently lost my fiance to the man thats been trying to get her from me for a little less than a year. i blame myself for that, i screwed up with her because i wouldn't admit to being wrong. i've always enjoyed being alone but now when i'm alone she's the only thing i think about. i haven't slept for more than two hours in more than a month.
she's talking to me again and she admitted that she still loves me but she won't get back together with me. i don't know what to do, i'm tired, i'm depressed, and ive tried to kill myself twice in the last month. i want to be able to sleep without dreaming of her again, how do i do that?

 

[Jenny]

Hi

That sounds really painful and confusing - to have found someone you love, lose them but for them to tell you that they do in fact still love you but will not come back. It's understandable that you're feeling so tired, depressed and despairing. I wonder if there's anything that could help you through this? I'm afraid i don't know how to keep the dreams away but I wonder whether talking about it, i.e. getting the thoughts and feelings out instead of keeping them trapped inside, could help? Do you see a therapist or anyone?

Keep talking here if it helps. We're listening
jenny x

 

[serivok]

thanks, i don't see a therapist, i don't even know where to look for one. i just feel useless right now.

 

[Jenny]

Sorry you're feeling useless at the moment...i'm glad you feel able to post here and hope it helps in some way

One way to try to get access to a therapist should you want one would be to go to your doctor and ask for a referral. I'm not sure if you're in the UK or somewhere else, but this can sometimes take a bit of time depending on waiting lists. Another option is to look for a private therapist, i.e. one where you pay for each session - benefits are that there's no waiting list and also your doctor wouldn't need to be aware. If you want some help in trying to find a therapist let me know and i'll do what i can - feel free to PM me

jenny x