I need advice bad! If you read my story,you'll know where I'm coming from. I'm lonely. Part of me still misses my ex,even though he done me very wrong. I hate him for it too! I know that may not make much sense. I guess I'm lonely & still not used to it being just me. I'll admit,I'm scared to be alone. I've never been alone like this before. I don't know what to do with myself. It's been about a month since I've been,single & I know fast easy rebound relationships don't last. I know it's not the right thing to do to rush,but how can I beat this loneliness. I've read article telling me to find a hobby,make new friends,join a club ect. But I've been about my family so long,that now that I'm single & the boys are grown,idk where to start rediscovering myself. How do I beat the fear of being alone? How do I rediscover myself?
-
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: Please read THIS THREAD about a rebrand for SF.
Love & hate
- Thread starter Cdpax96
- Start date
- Tags lonely brokenhearted alone fear
Do you have any causes you are passionate about? Animals, local environment issues, or if not a cause any sports you're interested in that you can help out at a club level? Basically anything that will get in involved with a group of people by yourself and you'll find that you don't need someone with you to not be alone.
Hey @Cdpax96, I don't know what your story is but I know the struggle of loneliness after a bad break-up.
It's not going to magically go away any time soon, but you can do some small things to get more accustomed to being on your own again at least. First thing I did was write down the things I like and that make me happy. And then I looked online for ways to do or see those things. I take myself to the movies and to meetups.com things to try to get used to being proactive in things I enjoy. Sometimes, my mental health takes a dip and I sit inside and eat my favorite foods and watch/play things that distract me and make me feel better. And slowly, it's working. Not a permanent fix, but a step.
Remember what things you liked on your own, not because your ex liked them, what you like. Your passions and little joys in daily life. Try to get the courage to do those things. And then find a friend or two to chat about those experiences with so you don't feel lonely all the time.
You don't need a rebound to remember how great you are. Even if it's the easy way out, you're stronger than that. Reach out if you need to. I like listening.
It's not going to magically go away any time soon, but you can do some small things to get more accustomed to being on your own again at least. First thing I did was write down the things I like and that make me happy. And then I looked online for ways to do or see those things. I take myself to the movies and to meetups.com things to try to get used to being proactive in things I enjoy. Sometimes, my mental health takes a dip and I sit inside and eat my favorite foods and watch/play things that distract me and make me feel better. And slowly, it's working. Not a permanent fix, but a step.
Remember what things you liked on your own, not because your ex liked them, what you like. Your passions and little joys in daily life. Try to get the courage to do those things. And then find a friend or two to chat about those experiences with so you don't feel lonely all the time.
You don't need a rebound to remember how great you are. Even if it's the easy way out, you're stronger than that. Reach out if you need to. I like listening.
Hey @Cdpax96, I don't know what your story is but I know the struggle of loneliness after a bad break-up.
It's not going to magically go away any time soon, but you can do some small things to get more accustomed to being on your own again at least. First thing I did was write down the things I like and that make me happy. And then I looked online for ways to do or see those things. I take myself to the movies and to meetups.com things to try to get used to being proactive in things I enjoy. Sometimes, my mental health takes a dip and I sit inside and eat my favorite foods and watch/play things that distract me and make me feel better. And slowly, it's working. Not a permanent fix, but a step.
Remember what things you liked on your own, not because your ex liked them, what you like. Your passions and little joys in daily life. Try to get the courage to do those things. And then find a friend or two to chat about those experiences with so you don't feel lonely all the time.
You don't need a rebound to remember how great you are. Even if it's the easy way out, you're stronger than that. Reach out if you need to. I like listening.
It's not going to magically go away any time soon, but you can do some small things to get more accustomed to being on your own again at least. First thing I did was write down the things I like and that make me happy. And then I looked online for ways to do or see those things. I take myself to the movies and to meetups.com things to try to get used to being proactive in things I enjoy. Sometimes, my mental health takes a dip and I sit inside and eat my favorite foods and watch/play things that distract me and make me feel better. And slowly, it's working. Not a permanent fix, but a step.
Remember what things you liked on your own, not because your ex liked them, what you like. Your passions and little joys in daily life. Try to get the courage to do those things. And then find a friend or two to chat about those experiences with so you don't feel lonely all the time.
You don't need a rebound to remember how great you are. Even if it's the easy way out, you're stronger than that. Reach out if you need to. I like listening.
Sorry in advance, long. My bad.
I know what you mean. Well, not precisely since I'm not you, but I struggle a lot with the same things you mentioned. Part of me wants to just get a new relationship and throw away the loneliness, but the rest of me knows that I'm not going to magically find a wonderful replacement for what I had. 3 years was a long time, there was some good and a lot of bad but I loved him anyway. And yeah, I still spend way too much time hoping it'll go back to how things were. But I know it can't. And I keep thinking I'll never find anything even close to how great the good moments were. Right now, I'm not trying. I'm just looking for friends. Maybe later on I'll feel better enough to actually give a relationship a try. Right now, I can't help comparing every guy I meet to the last one. In both good and bad. And that pain of always knowing he doesn't care where I am or what I'm doing is always there. Even if I died, he'd never hear about it and never care about it if he did. That really hurts. But it's okay to feel that way. To mourn the loss of... your way of life! But it won't hurt forever. Or so I hear. :P So I hope.
Maybe you did change forever, but that only makes this more fun. You can learn about the new you! Re-design yourself to be even better than before. Even introverts can hang out at a coffee shop and read, or take a walk through the park/woods every once in a while just to enjoy the world. Start doing those things, take care of yourself, and you'll get used to enjoying those things on your own too. And eventually, you can reach out to the people you see every day when you do those things.
Meetup.com is like a way to find those who like to do similar things and hang out with them. You can search by location and find book clubs or hiking groups or music enthusiasts; a myriad of things. You don't have to go to an event right away if you're uncomfortable, but take a look. See if there's a group or two you might want to try and keep an eye on their events. Maybe one will pop up that you'll really enjoy. And the people in them usually know the awkwardness of trying new things and will help you ease into it. At least, that's my experience. If nothing else, you'll have new tales to tell in the future.
Don't worry about dating just yet. You'll know when you're ready again and there's info out there on how to do it.
I know what you mean. Well, not precisely since I'm not you, but I struggle a lot with the same things you mentioned. Part of me wants to just get a new relationship and throw away the loneliness, but the rest of me knows that I'm not going to magically find a wonderful replacement for what I had. 3 years was a long time, there was some good and a lot of bad but I loved him anyway. And yeah, I still spend way too much time hoping it'll go back to how things were. But I know it can't. And I keep thinking I'll never find anything even close to how great the good moments were. Right now, I'm not trying. I'm just looking for friends. Maybe later on I'll feel better enough to actually give a relationship a try. Right now, I can't help comparing every guy I meet to the last one. In both good and bad. And that pain of always knowing he doesn't care where I am or what I'm doing is always there. Even if I died, he'd never hear about it and never care about it if he did. That really hurts. But it's okay to feel that way. To mourn the loss of... your way of life! But it won't hurt forever. Or so I hear. :P So I hope.
Maybe you did change forever, but that only makes this more fun. You can learn about the new you! Re-design yourself to be even better than before. Even introverts can hang out at a coffee shop and read, or take a walk through the park/woods every once in a while just to enjoy the world. Start doing those things, take care of yourself, and you'll get used to enjoying those things on your own too. And eventually, you can reach out to the people you see every day when you do those things.
Meetup.com is like a way to find those who like to do similar things and hang out with them. You can search by location and find book clubs or hiking groups or music enthusiasts; a myriad of things. You don't have to go to an event right away if you're uncomfortable, but take a look. See if there's a group or two you might want to try and keep an eye on their events. Maybe one will pop up that you'll really enjoy. And the people in them usually know the awkwardness of trying new things and will help you ease into it. At least, that's my experience. If nothing else, you'll have new tales to tell in the future.
Don't worry about dating just yet. You'll know when you're ready again and there's info out there on how to do it.
I understand how you're feeling. It's been three and a half years since my divorce and even though my ex destroyed everything I cared about, I still struggle with the loss. I wish I could tell you what to do but the truth is that just you have to go through it. It's painful and difficult at times and unfortunately there's no formula to make it any easier. But keeping yourself busy helps, it's important to find something you care about to distract you, it can be anything! I began tearing apart pallets, sanding them down and making things with them. The sanding was actually very soothing and even though my projects aren't perfect, they gave me a purpose. I think it's important to channel that sad energy into something other than your heart. Your distraction, hobby, whatever you want to call it can be whatever you want to do (just so long as it's not destructive) because it's all about YOU! Good luck and feel free to reach out to me if you ever feel lonely and want to talk.
Don't be scared - these thoughts are only thoughts, they aren't who you really are. You can use this time to get to know yourself better and find out that you are not all the bad things your ex said about you or implied by the way he treated you. Don't look for a new relationship until you have established a more empowering relationship with yourself, otherwise you will set the bar too low in future relationships with others and risk more abuse. Get to know clearly what you need from a relationship and redefine your boundaries
Last edited: