Who here has a relationship with pain? The kind of pain that brings you to your knees and makes you wish you were dead so you didn't have to suffer anymore. The kind of pain that makes you think torture would be a tolerable alternative, because then at least you'd know who your tormentor was. Then at least you could fight them. The kind of pain that makes you dysfunctional and when you have flareups it's so bad that you can't even recognize yourself, because you can't recognize your thoughts. You can't comprehend them.
I have this relationship with pain and I can tell you I am losing the battle. I wanted so badly to be set free. I told this to my fiance today and after an hour of him pleading with me to go back to the doctor, he finally conceded that it would be useless. Doctors have done very little for me and my conditions. Because even doctors don't understand pain when it appears nearly invisible. When it's not gashes and bruises and a knife through your skull.
And they give you anti-inflammatories and steroids and in some cases anti-depressants, but it's just a band-aid. In some cases, it seems like a placation. And if you don't scream and shout and whimper and cry, it must not be that bad. But trust me, I'm screaming on the inside.
I have this relationship with pain and I can tell you I am losing the battle. I wanted so badly to be set free. I told this to my fiance today and after an hour of him pleading with me to go back to the doctor, he finally conceded that it would be useless. Doctors have done very little for me and my conditions. Because even doctors don't understand pain when it appears nearly invisible. When it's not gashes and bruises and a knife through your skull.
And they give you anti-inflammatories and steroids and in some cases anti-depressants, but it's just a band-aid. In some cases, it seems like a placation. And if you don't scream and shout and whimper and cry, it must not be that bad. But trust me, I'm screaming on the inside.
