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Lupus RA fibromyalgia

Froggie

Well-Known Member
#1
Heads up long rant of sorts but past couple months been really hard. I have been trying to be the strong one past few years just don't know how I can any longer I have been diagnosed over two years ago with Lupus have had RA as well fibromyalgia. I was also told two years ago that the lupus is slowly killing me because of my organs and things I'm in pain constantly most days I try to push thru keep my spirits up by saying to myself heck you lived thru 10 years of an highly abusive relationship u can beat this but to be honest past few months I don't know how much more I can fight sometimes because of the disease it sometimes makes my nerves go nuts and just having clothes or a blanket on my skin feels like burning stabbing pain through my body and along with the rest of the pain I just don't know how much more I can take it's gotten to the point that I just pray to go home and be done with here on Earth my body is slowly dying and it's just hard to wait for it to completely kill me as I've been dealing with about 7 baseline lately I know that my husband and my parents maybe upset and maybe a few others when I succumb to this disease. I have tried to spend time with my family I know some say the rest of family does love and cares what happens to me but I keep making attempts to spend time with them certain people but just seems I'm not worth there time that's ok I get it and I know part is because they don't know what I'm going through I have told very few people because I don't want to have the fake caring and pitty. Sometimes I really feel that everyone is better off when it does take me because I know my parents worry about me alot and my wonderful husband but he works so hard then comes home takes care of me he acts as if me slowly slipping away don't bother him he tries to hide the worry I feel like I'm hurting him the longer I fight. Sorry for such a long vent of how I'm feeling and what this disease is doing to me mentally and physically.
 

the.end.ish

Misknown Member
#3
I deal with the same things. It's incredibly hard to be the strong one mentally while physically deteriorating... but sometimes you feel you have to be because if not you, then who? And it takes a certain mental strength to get by day to day while being tortured by your own body. You have to have strength or else... you can't live.

I don't have much to offer other than to let you know I understand. You're not alone and I'm sorry you're suffering.
 

Froggie

Well-Known Member
#4
@the.end.ish ty that does help sorry you go thru same thing yes so hard to fight when pain gets so intense and it has caused kidney issues and issues with my heart and nothing the Drs. Can do I'm just so tired of the fighting this I'm mentally and physically drained to be honest I think the only reason I have kept fighting this long is my husband and my mom and dad and couple close people
 

Bbear82

Well-Known Member
#5
@Froggie i know the struggle can be hard but you are a survivor and I believe with all my heart you are strong. Your calling on earth must not be over yet. I am so sorry that you are in so much pain. I know the struggle can be disheartening but your loved by many. I am sure that your family and even friends don’t see you as a burden. I am always here for you. Be safe and thanks for opening up and sharing with us
 

Froggie

Well-Known Member
#6
@Bbear82 Thank you hun I know I'm loved by many it's just hard because alot of pain. Meds don't work half the time unless I take the meds and cannabis edibles and then I end up being high it seems like I have a choice of either being an unbearable pain or being so high that I'm out of it there seems to be no happy medium. I know that my parents and my husband may not see me as a burden but I see my husband struggling to work really hard for most of the money to go between rent and my meds I see the worry in his face when we have to decide if we're going to pay rent or we're going to get meds it doesn't happen a lot because he works hard to make sure it doesn't but I know he does it gladly. Ty for the inspiring words hun I do try to be strong it's just hard when the things that I have loved I cannot do anymore like my crafting and baking and helping people I used to bake and give to less fortunate but most of the time I can't do that because we don't have the funds or I can't stand in order to do so.
 

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