Heads up long rant of sorts but past couple months been really hard. I have been trying to be the strong one past few years just don't know how I can any longer I have been diagnosed over two years ago with Lupus have had RA as well fibromyalgia. I was also told two years ago that the lupus is slowly killing me because of my organs and things I'm in pain constantly most days I try to push thru keep my spirits up by saying to myself heck you lived thru 10 years of an highly abusive relationship u can beat this but to be honest past few months I don't know how much more I can fight sometimes because of the disease it sometimes makes my nerves go nuts and just having clothes or a blanket on my skin feels like burning stabbing pain through my body and along with the rest of the pain I just don't know how much more I can take it's gotten to the point that I just pray to go home and be done with here on Earth my body is slowly dying and it's just hard to wait for it to completely kill me as I've been dealing with about 7 baseline lately I know that my husband and my parents maybe upset and maybe a few others when I succumb to this disease. I have tried to spend time with my family I know some say the rest of family does love and cares what happens to me but I keep making attempts to spend time with them certain people but just seems I'm not worth there time that's ok I get it and I know part is because they don't know what I'm going through I have told very few people because I don't want to have the fake caring and pitty. Sometimes I really feel that everyone is better off when it does take me because I know my parents worry about me alot and my wonderful husband but he works so hard then comes home takes care of me he acts as if me slowly slipping away don't bother him he tries to hide the worry I feel like I'm hurting him the longer I fight. Sorry for such a long vent of how I'm feeling and what this disease is doing to me mentally and physically.