So I've been in a quiet unpleasant situation at home. My parents HATE me for being unemployed. By the way, I quit because of my depression and needed to take a long break. But of course, my parents just think I'm lazy I have been considering some things here and there but have yet to do it. What I've been doing now is just lying to them. Lying about having to see friends at some place while in reality I just need some time to be alone outside so I can get away from them. They don't like the idea of me having some time alone. They think it's weird and anti-social, so it's bad. I've been lying about having interviews every few weeks and I know it's giving them false hope but surprisingly it calms things down a bit and they would stop giving me crap for a while. I know that if I'm not careful this will bite me back in the ass. But so far I'm doing it pretty well so there's no "problem" so far. I'm just so scared. Especially my mother having NPD and BPD, and even though my father is calmer but sometimes my mother's affecting him. Again, I'm very VERY scared for my safety and well being. I am not sure what to do, because it's the best that I can do right now.
Lying to save yourself
- Thread starter puffymilk
- Start date
Maybe you could try to educate them? It might not work, if they've already got their minds made up? But, what have you go to lose! . . .
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/...n an,sleep disturbances, or suicidal thoughts.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/symptoms-causes/syc-20356007
https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/major-depression
https://www.health.harvard.edu/a_to_z/major-depression-a-to-z
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/depression
https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/depression/what-is-depression
. . . It's hard though: because some, just-believe that it is (all) 'Hocus Pocus!'
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/...n an,sleep disturbances, or suicidal thoughts.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/symptoms-causes/syc-20356007
https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/major-depression
https://www.health.harvard.edu/a_to_z/major-depression-a-to-z
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/depression
https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/depression/what-is-depression
. . . It's hard though: because some, just-believe that it is (all) 'Hocus Pocus!'
My two cents based on my experience, calling out this behavior in the NPD individual (of which I truly believe she has demonstrated solid traits) is more than likely going to cause an explosive reaction and be turned right back on you being in the wrong. There is no ability for self-reflection on her part, so it serves zero purpose other than to cause you more hurt.
I'd focus on protecting yourself whatever it takes. Removing yourself from the situation as much as possible and not feeding into any of the dynamics at play here really is key. I'm sorry you are going through this.
I'd focus on protecting yourself whatever it takes. Removing yourself from the situation as much as possible and not feeding into any of the dynamics at play here really is key. I'm sorry you are going through this.
I don't see any sort of problem with this aside of what you're going to do for MONEY. You must be living off cash from these people and they're going to want that to stop 'because you're working now'. How will you put fuel in your car to go out every day? Have enough stuff to do for hours a day - cause sitting at various friends houses or hanging around the park is going to get old real fast.
You could get fired after a short time and then 'start looking' again but this seems like a diffcult way to live and at least as exhausting as just getting an easy part time gig.
You could get fired after a short time and then 'start looking' again but this seems like a diffcult way to live and at least as exhausting as just getting an easy part time gig.
I know, and you're absolutely right. That's why I was thinking of going back to my old job. But I'm not sure if they'll take me back 
Also maybe taking any mediocre job even if you are overqualified and don't like it all that much may ultimately be the lesser of two evils in this situation and could potentially lead to something better.
It is a problem because it's a terrible strain to live like that, being scared I mean, I'm sorry this is what you are dealing with right now.
Getting needs met and power back on your side - maybe by getting your old job back? - is what I hope can happen. Sustaining ies will take increasing amounts of your energy, they plus tend to collect all sorts of sticky issues.
I hope a transition away from the narcissist mom can happen 'soon as possible, so your fear goes down or away.
hugs
Getting needs met and power back on your side - maybe by getting your old job back? - is what I hope can happen. Sustaining ies will take increasing amounts of your energy, they plus tend to collect all sorts of sticky issues.
I hope a transition away from the narcissist mom can happen 'soon as possible, so your fear goes down or away.
hugs
In some cases, letting those close to you know what you're going through can help particularly if you can "educate them." In this instance what with your mother suffering with NPD is more likely to hand her more ammunition to fire your way. Something which I expect that you are more than conscious of.
Doing what you're currently doing by spinning your folks the odd story or two is ok for the short term as at least it'll bring you some brearhing space. But like I said, this can only be for the short term which it does seem that you are aware of. The advice given by @Harmony, I can only but echo. You've recognised the need to create some distance for your own health. So maybe give it a go, see if you can get your old job back. It's well worth asking. As is considering jobs in which you may be a bit overqualified in or what you may deem a bit below your level. One important thing is to get yourself into the system, into the loop that can buy you some serious time, especially if a more attractive opportunity turns up.
Doing what you're currently doing by spinning your folks the odd story or two is ok for the short term as at least it'll bring you some brearhing space. But like I said, this can only be for the short term which it does seem that you are aware of. The advice given by @Harmony, I can only but echo. You've recognised the need to create some distance for your own health. So maybe give it a go, see if you can get your old job back. It's well worth asking. As is considering jobs in which you may be a bit overqualified in or what you may deem a bit below your level. One important thing is to get yourself into the system, into the loop that can buy you some serious time, especially if a more attractive opportunity turns up.
Humans act quite strangely sometimes, it’s kind of obvious that positive support, help and encouragement is far more like to have success at getting someone to do something than negative berating, putting down and name calling. Probably most people have even been in that position where they are the one not doing something and thought to them self why don’t you try and help me rather than just tell me off. Yet, even given all of that, it’s quite usual for people to reach for the stick rather than the carrot.
Your story touched me a lot - as young people we often have to lie - it is just to survive (even if we do wrong things).
I learned some things (not much nor too late) but:
1) Lying is never good. Always say the truth - or say nothing. The truth hurts sometimes - lies hurt more.
2) Always try to be independent.
3) Get as much help as you can - when you need it. Asking for help is good - and all of us need help from time to time.
4) Always treasure what you actually have. We tend to forget that - because it's normal for us. You can use both legs? Are you in a wheelchair? Try to think about what you actually have.
I wish you good luck for your interview. Ever seen the movie "Into the wild"? Seems to be fitting for you.
I learned some things (not much nor too late) but:
1) Lying is never good. Always say the truth - or say nothing. The truth hurts sometimes - lies hurt more.
2) Always try to be independent.
3) Get as much help as you can - when you need it. Asking for help is good - and all of us need help from time to time.
4) Always treasure what you actually have. We tend to forget that - because it's normal for us. You can use both legs? Are you in a wheelchair? Try to think about what you actually have.
I wish you good luck for your interview. Ever seen the movie "Into the wild"? Seems to be fitting for you.