May be triggering, i dont know....

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Landlocked blues, Sep 20, 2010.

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  1. Landlocked blues

    Landlocked blues Well-Known Member

    This is something i have never admitted to anyone before, Im not sure if this could be triggering so be aware before you read on.

    When i was in secondary school, i was diagnosed with bulimia, i was also diagnosed anorexic a couple weeks later. I left school at just under 6 stone. Heres the weird part, I wanted to be diagnosed that. ever since I can remember, I have wanted to be that skinny. I should probably mention im not thin anymore, I weigh nearly 11 and a half stone now and I am 5'4 so I am very overweight. I try throwing up/starving myself like I used to but the weight never drops. I also binge eat ALOT! I could never tell anyone this as it just makes me sound like an idiot!! This is a very big part on why I am so depressed and just want to crawl into a hole and die. I know people with REAL EDs are going to be reading this thinking "you selfish bitch!" but it is something I cant control. It has taken over my whole life. This is literally just to get it off my chest with people who can maybe understand, I dont know. Yeah. anyway. There it is
     
  2. Vitreledonellidae

    Vitreledonellidae Well-Known Member

    Hun, I think what you talk about is a real ED too, you're not a selfish bitch
     
  3. Landlocked blues

    Landlocked blues Well-Known Member

    But what kind of ED is it?! a new one that i discovered! Trust me to discover an ED that involves eating more!
     
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

  5. Vitreledonellidae

    Vitreledonellidae Well-Known Member

    often an ED isnt just bulimia, or just anorexia or just binging. For me its more about how you feel about yourself and have no control over your eating behaviour. Though anorexic think they have control, because they dont eat, maybe at first it feels like you have control, but it takes control over your whole life, bulimic think they have control when they start throwing up, but throwing often causes binging, also losing control, plus like anorexia it takes control over your life, its the same with a binge eating disorder. It all starts with a negative self image and you want to change rapidly.
    I think often after you 'recovered' from an eating disorder, youre in this weird state, you cant call an ED or normal either. I hate to use the word recover for an ed. I think it will be always in your head, still always busy with your weight and there are always periods you throw up, or dont want to eat or binge. Its just a weird almost impossible to explain/recover disease built on insecurity :unsure:
     
  6. Landlocked blues

    Landlocked blues Well-Known Member

    I have looked at this link and i agree with almost everything! IK think i definitely have this. Thank you for the link. As i said, i have not told anyone before so i am not on any meds yet
     
  7. Landlocked blues

    Landlocked blues Well-Known Member

    Your absolutely right. Everything you said.
     
  8. Vitreledonellidae

    Vitreledonellidae Well-Known Member

    forgot to send a hug >.< because I think I know how it is and how bad you can feel about yourself, how much you can hate yourself, so :hug:
     
  9. Landlocked blues

    Landlocked blues Well-Known Member

  10. Landlocked blues

    Landlocked blues Well-Known Member

    Thank you V. :hug: for you too
     
  11. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Oohh no Sam...do you want to be like that?
    truthfully you sound just right the way you are now with your weight...
    I think you're very brave telling us what's happening for you and maybe you might feel like talking to a doctor or therapist for some help with your EDs..*hug*
     
  12. Landlocked blues

    Landlocked blues Well-Known Member

    I do! Desperatly want to be like that. I think about it all day, everyday. Its taking over my life :cry:
     
  13. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    :i'm sorry::i'm sorry::i'm sorry:
     
  14. martinX

    martinX New Member

    i seem to find it hard to eat,i like kind of dont like it,l am not happy at all. Just is like that.Wish I could eat but I feel so useless.Oh well:ghost:
     
  15. alison

    alison Well-Known Member

    Hey Sam *hug*

    I can somewhat relate to you. I think you do have a real ED.. just maybe not the one you 'want' (I use the term 'want' loosely, despite what you say I don't think you actually want an ED exactly, you said yourself that it is out of control). I'm diagnosed with ED-NOS right now. Right now I'm overweight, and kind of flip flop between binge eating behaviors, bulimia behaviors (throwing up), and random bouts of restriction. From your description I would venture to say that you lean more towards ED-NOS than BED also.. but I'm not a doctor :)

    Regardless of diagnoses (because really, those are just boxes doctors put us in to helpt hem with treatments), I do believe you have a real eating disorder. I believe its impossible to establish a healthy relationship without food until we can admit our problems.. which may be part of your issue? I know for me personally, I feel like I'm too fat to need to recover, so I might as well just keep going the way I am. I hope that's not presumptuous, its just thats part of what's happening to me so I thought perhaps it could relate to you..? But the truth of the matter is that restricting, bingeing, and purging are all disordered eating behaviors. I hope you can find some validation in that.

    *hugs*
     
  16. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    If you aren't familiar, EDNOS = Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified
     
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